First Impressions
by dellis
Summary: Sarah is a young woman who is taking refuge at the fortress of Hadrian's Wall. She fled her village when it was attacked by Saxons and is working at the tavern to earn enough money to go home to find her family, if they survived.
1. The Tavern

First Impressions

Summary: Sarah, a young woman taking refuge in the fort at Hadrian's Wall after fleeing her village during an attack by the Saxons, gets the attention of one of the knights. He accidentally forces her to leave for home with his attentions. Can he make her understand that he means her no harm? Gawain/OC.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of value to anyone but myself. Sorry.

This is my fifth KA fic and I will eventually write one for each of the knights, including Arthur. I might even let it involve Guinevere, but more than likely will let it be before she comes into the picture. I could really use a beta for this story if anyone is interested. I have about twelve chapters written, but I don't trust my own judgement where my stories are concerned. Just drop me an email if you're interested.

Now, on with the story…

Chapter One - The Tavern

The group of knights was in their usual place… the tavern. The bar wenches were again vying for the attention of one or the other of the men, each hoping to be the one chosen to go back to their room for another night of passion. Even though the men never gave any impression that it would be anything other than just sex, in the back of the women's minds was the hope that sooner or later they would decide that it might be more. Some even secretly hoping to become with child, then at least there would be a tie to the man. Maybe a tie that would bind as it had for Vanora.

Sarah stood behind the bar and watched, disgusted at how the other women were so eager to give themselves to men who regarded their horses with more respect. She had only been in the fortress for about four months and she had witnessed this same scene many times. She knew that the women were glad that she didn't become involved with their little schemes. They had seen her away from the tavern, when the men were not around and knew she was more beautiful than she appeared. They thought she was a little crazy because she purposely tried to be as unattractive as possible so she wouldn't be bothered. All she wanted to do was make enough money to leave and go back to her home. She cared little for what this place had to offer except the chance to see her family again if she was careful with the meager earnings.

She was, she ate little, spent no money except for a place to lay her head at night and worked every hour she was awake. She was happier when the knights were gone. She could be herself. She hated having to hide under all the layers of clothing she now wore. It was hot, and worse, it was confining. The soldiers that always stayed at the fort had tried to get her attention when she first came in the tavern without her 'disguise'. But they had been easy enough to dissuade. The knights would not be so easy. Especially the one with the long blonde hair or the one with the short curly dark hair. She had seen them pursue others and wanted to avoid the hassle. It was just easier to wear lots of clothes and hold herself so that her features were hidden, even if it became uncomfortable and made her back hurt.

She longed to wear the leather britches she had been wearing the day before with the simple leather tunic. She knew she had the curves that men desired on a woman. But she desired no man here. She desired the man she had been forced to leave as she fled her home in the northern corner of the island. The home that had been burned as her brother had pushed her and told her to leave when the Saxons had invaded.

She closed her eyes and prayed that Timothy and Anna had made it also. She knew that Derek had, he had been away when the attack came. She saw his face in her mind, even though it had grown fainter over the last month. She clenched her fist and opened her eyes. She would not forget him and she prayed he would not forget her. They would have been married by now. He had asked her father and been given permission, to her delight. Unlike other fathers, Sarah's father had told her he would not betroth her to someone she did not wish to marry. She smiled at the memory of the man who wanted her to be happy in a time when happiness was usually not within the grasp of simple women.

It was because of her father that she had grown up with the idea that even though she was a woman, she deserved what she wanted out of life and not what some man decreed she should have. For him, she was now thankful, for if she had been raised as the other girls in her village, she would probably be dead now instead of trying to return to pick up any pieces left of the life she had before.

The bellowing coming from one of the knights brought her out of her thoughts. These men may fight hard, but they played harder and had no patience for waiting on something they wanted. Especially ale or wine. She grabbed two pitchers of ale in each hand and headed toward the table, careful not to stand straight. Curves were easier to hide when one slouched.

She sat the pitchers on the table and turned to leave the noisy group. She felt a hand on her waist and tensed. 'Damn, isn't one girl on each lap enough?' she thought as she turned to see who had thought it necessary to grab her. When she saw that the hand belonged to another serving wench she raised her eyebrow, "Unless you have raised in position, I am not required to wait on you, Marilla." She stated unnecessarily. She saw the other woman flinch at her tone. She felt a little sorry for her, but then she was asking for it and Sarah found no reason to be friendly to any of the others. She preferred to be alone, away from the giggling, scheming wenches who only thought of themselves and what the men could do for them.

"I just wanted to thank you for covering for me, but since you seem to be in your usual foul mood, never mind." Marilla's voice held a hint of hurt, but mostly anger. It didn't matter to her, the girl really had no idea what hurt was or anger for that matter. Hurt was when you saw everything that meant anything to you go up in flames and anger was the emotion brought out with the laughing men who did such a horrible deed without regard for anyone but themselves. Sarah knew both.

She nodded to the other woman and turned back toward the bar. She saw the man standing there, waiting impatiently for someone to wait on him. 'Arrogant ass,' she thought. 'Just like the rest of them. How I hate warriors. They kill, maim, and destroy without regard to the end result. They are no different than the Saxons except for the difference in purpose.' She stepped behind the bar and gave him a questioning look.

"Hello, a pitcher of ale, if you don't mind." He said as he observed the others. She could tell he couldn't wait to join them. She set the pitcher in front of him and turned back to her duties. "My name is Gawain, and yours is?" He said. She ignored him, he couldn't be talking to her. The 'pretty' maids were already at the table.

Gawain waited for her to answer, when she didn't he started to say it again in case she hadn't heard the first time. But decided she wasn't interested in his conversation, so he turned and headed for the table. He wondered why she was so unfriendly. She hadn't been here that long and as far as he could tell, she had no friends. It wasn't unusual for a woman to be alone at the fort. There were plenty who had lost their whole family before coming here for protection. But it was unusual for a woman to be so accepting of the aloneness.

He walked up to the table and sat on the first available chair to the greetings of his best friend. "Hey Gawain, you're behind. Where 'ya been?" Galahad shouted from across the table. Gawain just shrugged, "I wanted to take care of my horse before I came. Jols had his hands full with yours and Bors." Galahad nodded and returned his gaze to the blonde woman sitting on his lap. Gawain noticed it was the same blonde that he'd taken to his bed the last time. He also noticed that Galahad either didn't notice or didn't care that the woman was giving him 'the' look.

He watched her as she flirted with him while sitting on Galahad's lap. He had no doubt that if he encouraged her she would swap laps without blinking an eye. He remembered the night he had spent with her. Sure she was pretty, maybe beautiful, and she had been good, knowing all the right moves to satisfy his lust. But lust had been all he'd felt. He needed more. He needed someone who would satisfy more than just his physical desires. He wanted someone who would listen to his dreams. Someone who would then share her dreams. Someone who would he content just to sit and be near him. Someone who didn't expect passion with every touch. Sometimes he just wanted to hold a woman's hand without being led to a bed to perform.

He shook his head, not understanding why he suddenly found such discontent in the way his life was. He'd never been happy in his service to Rome. But the closer the end came, the more he realized just how much he'd missed in the fifteen years he'd been in Britain. He'd missed the opportunity to know a woman who could be the other half of himself. The woman who knew him better than he did. Maybe he could have found that if he'd acted differently in the beginning. He thought back to the first few years of his service…

It had all been a contest then. Mostly between himself and Lancelot. Who could woo the most women and get them to spend a night in their bed. By the time he had matured enough to realize that wasn't all there was to a woman, he had bedded most of them and knew that anything deeper wouldn't be possible. There was the odd visitor. He'd tried to change the way he looked at them, but the rivalry with Lancelot had gone on so long neither could change it. Even the ones he thought might mean more had been too eager to just spend a night proving how satisfying they could be. Physical satisfaction had come to mean more than just release. And impossible to find here.

His thoughts drifted back to his homeland. He remembered the happiness and contentment of the older men of his tribe. How his father had looked at his mother and how she had talked to him without speaking. Just a touch on the arm had been enough for her to tell him everything she held in her heart. How they would walk beside the stream near their hut, holding hands, never saying a word. Then he thought about the sounds he'd heard in the night. Sounds he had not recognized as their lovemaking until he'd been gone and experienced those same physical feelings. Well, not quite the same. Theirs had gone much deeper than the ones he'd felt.

He took a long drink from his mug and looked around the room. He recognized every face he looked at. Even the woman he'd tried to talk to was familiar. He found himself studying her more closely. Her face was smooth and without the usual wrinkles of a woman he assumed her age to be. Her hair was pulled back from her face and wrapped in some kind of bun at the back of her head. It was brown in color with little wisps of a lighter color that had come loose and was framing her face. Her body looked a little plump, but her hands and face were not so. He tried to remember what her eyes looked like. Then he realized he'd never really looked at them.

He picked up his mug and headed toward the bar, curious about her eyes and determined to get a good look. He set the mug down with a clank to get her attention. She jumped and turned around. "More ale?" She asked him without looking up. She grabbed the mug and proceeded to pour ale from the wooden barrel behind her. He watched as she deftly handled the spigot, not spilling any of the liquid. She placed the mug back on the bar and turned to continue what she had been doing before he interrupted her.

He cleared his throat and saw her turn to look at him with her eyebrow raised in question. "You require something else?" She asked him. He looked at her eyes and found them to be a brilliant shade of green. He wanted to get a closer look, but couldn't think of any way to do so without offending her.

"I just wanted to ask if you're always so friendly to the customers?" He tried to make it light, as if joking, without seeming to flirt. He wanted to avoid flirtations.

"If you mean efficient, then yes. If you mean do I flirt? No, I do not." He watched her face and thought it would be prettier if she smiled.

"Why don't you flirt? It's harmless fun." He wanted to know, but he really just wanted to keep her talking. She had an accent that he hadn't noticed earlier and was trying to decipher where she had come from.

He heard her sigh and from the exasperation he knew he wasn't making a very good impression. "Look, there are plenty of women here that are more than happy to flirt with all of you. Why does it matter if I'm not one of them? Besides, giving my body to some man I don't intend to spend the rest of my life with is not what I call fun and it's definitely not harmless." She tried to turn away, hoping he would just go back to join his friends.

"Because you make me curious. I like find out about things that make me curious." He told her. His questions and comments were beginning to peak her anger and try as she could, she couldn't pretend she wasn't angry.

"Sir, I'm not interested in your curiosity or anything else you might be feeling at the moment. I'm not trying to be rude or anything and I'm definitely not trying to get your attention by being vague. My life and my thoughts are my own and I like it that way. Will you please just go back to your friends and let me work?"

Her anger was apparent in the clipped way she spoke, but the question at the end of her tirade held a pleading note. He nodded and turned to leave the bar. She had turned away from him as soon as he nodded so he hesitated and looked back at her. When she didn't look back around, he took his mug and headed out of the tavern. He wasn't in the mood for the revelry the other knights were involved in and decided to go to the rampart and watch the sun set over the horizon.

He settled himself on the edge of the wall and watched the sun, his mind going back to the woman at the bar. He thought there was more to her than she wanted him or anyone else to know and was intrigued. He suddenly remembered that he hadn't bothered to get her name but that wouldn't be that hard to find out. He'd just ask Vanora, she worked with all the women and knew most of them since she had hired them to help out.

Taking a drink from his mug, he looked over the wall and saw the green tint that had settled on the land. It reminded him of her eyes. It was spring and the weather was beginning to warm. At least when the sun was out. His years on this island let him know that with the warmer spring weather there would be more rain. Not the bone-chilling kind he'd experienced during the winter months. But lighter, more refreshing rain that seemed to wash away the ugliness left behind from the cold. For some reason, he found the spring more uplifting than even the heat of the summer months. Everything around him was renewing itself. Maybe that was what he found so beautiful about this time of year.

The land was repairing itself after all the fighting and bloodshed of the winter months. The Woads did not attack so often during the spring. Maybe they felt as he did. The land needed the time to become beautiful again before they started to make it ugly with their fighting. He turned up his mug to find it empty. He wished he'd brought the pitcher but he was reluctant to leave the serenity he felt up here. He sat there watching the field below him and saw a lone figure walking across, stopping occasionally to pick up something on the ground.

He recognized the woman from the bar and figured she was taking her evening break. She walked over to the big oak tree that had been spared when the trees were cut to build the fort. It had to be over a hundred years old and no one had the heart to remove it. As he watched, he saw her remove bits of clothing. He wondered if she was going to strip down, thinking no one would see her, he leaned forward to get a better view.

She now wore a simple green dress, the color of new leaves on the tree she stood under. Her form no longer seemed plump, he saw that she had slender curves hidden under all her clothes. She took her hair down and he saw it fall almost to her waist before she leaned over and shook her head causing it to fly around before she swung it back and ran her fingers through it to remove tangles. He let the breath he'd been holding out slowly. She was beautiful, even from this distance he could tell that. Why, then, would she purposely hide her beauty and try to look so unattractive? It made no sense.

No one in the fort would dare force their advances on a woman. Even if they wanted to. It was forbidden and any of the knights or soldiers under Arthur would make sure anyone stupid enough to go against the mandate would suffer greatly. Fear was not her reason. But try as he might, he could not figure it out. He could not figure _her_ out and he suddenly realized that he wanted to.

He watched as she began pulling the clothes she had discarded back on and pulled her hair back up. When she began tying the apron back around her now plump waist, she headed back toward the fortress gate. Gawain stood up and hurried down the steps to the ground. He would go back to the tavern and be waiting at the bar when she arrived. He had seen her the way she was supposed to look and he wanted to see if he could find that look in her face. He was sure it would be there and was surprised that none of the men had noticed it before, especially Lancelot. How she had kept her beauty hidden so well was just another question he wanted answered.


	2. Fleeing

Lucillag: Probably, but there will be some blood guts later. I just like to be safe with the ratings. Ideas are always appreciated.

LANCELOTTRISTANBABY: I think it's probably toward the final year since the Saxons are sending raiding parties. Hope you like this chapter.

Disclaimer: The 2004 movie which is what my stories are all based on, is the property of Buena Vista. The characters from the movie and their personalities (mostly) belong to Mr. Franzone. Since they don't belong to me and I am not trying to claim what is not mine, please don't sue.

Chapter Two – Fleeing

Gawain was standing at the bar, talking to Vanora, when he saw her come back into the area. "Vanora, who is that woman?" He asked. She looked toward the woman he was looking at and arched an eyebrow at him.

"That's a strange one, Gawain. Why do you want to know?" She watched Sarah as she moved through the throng of people, taking orders for more drinks. She knew the woman was a hard worker and never caused any trouble. She also knew the woman was much prettier than she appeared. When she had questioned her about it, the woman had only shrugged and said she didn't want the attentions of the men at the tavern. When Gawain started speaking, she turned her attention back to hear what he had to say.

"I don't know exactly why I want to know. She just made me curious and I realized I don't even know her name." He sounded in awe and Vanora smiled behind the apron she was wiping her face on. Gawain was seldom in awe over a woman.

"Her name is Sarah. She came here from a village to the north when the Saxons destroyed it and has been working hard for a couple of months to get the money to go home and find what family was left." She hesitated, "Sad, I don't think she realizes that…"

Gawain cut her off, "…Saxons never leave any alive." She heard the sympathy in his voice. "Have you tried to tell her?" He asked Vanora.

"Once, but she wouldn't hear it. She just said that she knew some had survived. I don't think she's ready to accept the truth or she would realize that if any had survived she would have seen them by now. Surely someone would have come looking for her." Gawain looked at his friend. She had a tear in her eye and was trying to wipe it away with her apron.

"Have your seen her without all those extra clothes she wears?" He saw her heading in their direction and motioned for Vanora to ignore that last question. Just then Bors had shouted for her and she patted Gawain's arm as she hurried to her lover. He watched her sit on the man's knee and put her arms around his neck. Bors was lucky. He had found what Gawain thought he was looking for, someone to share the simple things in his life. Things like surviving to see another day.

The woman stepped behind the bar and began filling pitchers with ale or wine. Vanora had told him her name was Sarah. The name fit. He couldn't say how, but it did. He heard her as she began humming as she worked. "That sounds nice, what is it?" He wanted to hear her voice again. She was from the north, but she didn't appear to be a Woad.

"What? Oh, I didn't know you were there. It's just a song I remember from my youth. I don't even remember the name, just the tune." She answered without stopping her work. He was surprised that she had said so much. Maybe the trip outside the gates had relaxed her enough that she didn't feel she had to be so unfriendly.

"While you're filling, can I get a refill?" He knew she was about to leave and go deliver all the pitchers and wanted her to stay. She took his mug without comment and filled it with one of the pitchers. Then she placed the pitcher on the bar next to his mug.

"Your friend over there said to give you that. He said you're not acting like yourself and needed more to drink." Then she picked up two pitchers in each hand and started to leave. As she came around the bar, she stopped and looked at him. "He made it sound like you only act normal when you drink. That's really sad." Then she left without waiting for an answer.

Gawain looked at the ale in his mug and realized that she was right. When he wasn't on a mission, he drank continually. He knew it was a way to forget all the things he had done, all the people he'd killed. But it had also made him forget who he was. He wasn't the man he appeared to be. He was gentle. He was loving with the people he cared for. But most of all, he was lonely. Even in the arms of the women he took to his bed. He blew out a long breath and pushed his hair back as he scrubbed his forehead to dispel the emotions he'd just brought to the forefront. He pushed the mug and pitcher across the bar and turned to watch Sarah work.

Once or twice he saw her smile as she handed a pitcher to someone. But mostly she just passed them out without expression. He realized she only smiled when she handed a pitcher to someone older. Someone old enough to be her father, maybe? She picked up the empty pitchers and headed back. He watched her weave her way through the crowd and saw several of the soldiers look at her with curiosity. He wondered if those men knew she was beautiful. He decided he would confront her with what he'd seen earlier and see how she reacted. What could it hurt. It wasn't like he was interested after all.

Sarah came back to the bar and plopped the pitchers down. She pushed the loose hair around her face back with her arm and blew air up to cool her flushed face. "You'd be cooler if you'd lose all the extra clothes." He said without emotion as he reached back for his mug. He had to drink or she'd wonder why he was still there.

She looked at him in surprise, "What?" she asked.

"I said, you'd be cooler without all the extra clothes." He gave her a smug look and saw her glance down at her clothes and then back at him. He expected her to look angry or embarrassed but he noticed she looked like a trapped animal, ready to run if given the chance.

She didn't say anything for a moment, then pushing her hair out of her face with frustration, she said softly, "How do you know?" Gawain put his hand on hers gently, "I saw you outside the fort earlier. You're much prettier than I first thought, but now that I see you with different eyes, it was always there. Only hidden. Why?" He watched her expressions as she tried to come up with an answer.

Finally, she jerked her hand away and put her hands on her hips. "Because I don't like unwanted attention from the men around here. I want to be left alone to do my job. I want to be invisible to the roving eyes you and your friends have in your heads." Her voice had become harder with each word. Then she stopped and took a deep breath. "Is there any other questions you just have to ask? If not, I have work to do."

Then she snatched a pitcher before he could grab her hand again. He smiled, "Do you know your eyes flash little golden sparks when you're angry?" He whispered so only she could hear.

"No, I'm not usually looking at my eyes when I'm angry. I'm usually looking into the eyes of whoever made me angry." Then she went behind the wall where she began splashing water as she washed the pitcher. He picked up the others and headed around the wall.

"Here, you forgot these." And he dangled them in front of her face. He saw her lean on the tub of hot water as she stared into the bubbles her splashing had caused. He suddenly felt bad for baiting her. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to upset you…" he started but she cut him off.

"Well, you did whether you meant to or not. Now, please just go away." She sounded tired or hurt, but she no longer sounded angry.

"Sarah?" He called her name in hopes she would look at him. She did. But she had the look again that spoke of fight or flight. He held up the pitchers and she took them, dropping them into the water. "Who are you? That's all I want to know. I promise I'm not trying to flirt with you or lure you into my bed. If that's all I wanted then you are right, there are plenty of others that would make it easier. I just want to talk to you. To get to know who you are. To be your friend, no strings, I promise."

He watched the war going on in her head. Her eyes told the tale without her having to say a word. He found himself lost in those eyes. She started to dry her hands on her apron and her actions took his gaze from her eyes to her hands. "I'm sure your attentions are as innocent as you say, but I really don't wish to talk to anyone about myself. I will only be here a while longer and friends are not necessary." He saw the pain in her face and wondered why having a friend would be such a bad thing. But he would respect her wishes, at least he would try, the look on her face would not make it easy.

"If you wish me to leave and not speak to you, then look into my eyes and tell me." He stepped closer to her and watched as she slowly raised her head. She looked into his eyes and once again he was lost in the green depths of hers. He saw her lick her lips and felt the familiar flash of heat in his belly.

"I wish you…" her voice trailed off as he pushed the stray hair out of her face, then cupped her chin in his hand. "I wish that you would…" He leaned down and gently kissed her lips, cutting off her words. Her lips were soft, moist, enticing. He wanted nothing more right then than to take her in his arms and just hold her until the pain left her face.

"Yes, you were saying?" His voice was husky and he was doing exactly what he had promised he would not, but he couldn't help himself.

"Please, just go and leave me in peace." The pleading in her whispered words brought him back to reality. He looked into her eyes and saw the glimmer of unshed tears. At that moment he felt worse than he ever had for a simple kiss.

He pulled back and dropped his hand, "I'm sorry, Lady Sarah, I did not mean to offend you." He turned to leave, then stopped and whispered, "Maybe all those clothes were a good idea after all." He looked once again at her face and saw her touch her lips with her fingertips. The sudden urge to once again kiss her made him move with jerking motions as he left the bar and headed toward his room.


	3. Kisses and Tears

Note: Sorry I haven't updated in a while but I've been waiting for my beta to tell me if I needed to change anything. But since this is an unpaid job… But I decided to go ahead with chapter three anyway. It's up to all of you to tell me if I'm way off in left field or something. Please…

Same disclaimer. Own nothing of importance. Can't get anything if you sue me, so please don't.

Sarah watched him leave the wash room and grabbed the tub to steady herself. The tears that had sprung to her eyes began to fall. She hadn't realized just how lonely she had been since she got here until he asked to be her friend. She had been fine working and saving, thinking about her trip home. Why did he have to decide now was the time to seek her friendship? She was trying to get her emotions under control when Vanora stepped around the wall.

"Sarah? Girl what is wrong?" She went to her and put her arms around her shoulders. At that time, it was the worst thing anyone could have done. That only brought more tears. After a moment, Vanora was taken into a great sobbing hug. "Now, now. It's alright. Shhh, you'll be alright." She tried to soothe the younger woman. Finally, Sarah had cried herself out and was snubbing, trying to get her breath.

After a moment, she got control of herself and stepped back from Vanora. "I'm sorry, I don't usually behave in such a manner. I'm alright now. Thank you." She tried to go back to the bar, but Vanora stopped her.

"What happened, Sarah?" The concern in her voice was mirrored in her eyes.

"It was nothing. I was just thinking about… home." The tears started to build up again and she shook her head to stop them.

Vanora waited for her to get control again. "It's alright child. We all get a little sappy sometimes when we remember things we'd be better off forgettin'" She pushed the girl toward the front, "You go home and rest. I'll get one of the others to cover tonight." Sarah tried to protest, but Vanora would not hear of it. As soon as the girl had left she looked for Gawain. She had seen them talking and thought maybe he had told the girl about the Saxons and what they had discussed. She didn't see him and decided she would ask him the next time she saw him.

Sarah headed toward her room against her wishes. She knew from experience that it was better to stay busy than to have time to think. She didn't want to think right now. Unbidden, the memories came into her head. Derek, the man she loved, the man she wanted to marry, tall with dark brown hair that was wavy no matter how much he tried to keep if straight. She had told her father when Derek's family had first moved into the village that she would marry him someday. She was only six and Derek had been ten. It had taken him almost fifteen years to get the courage to ask her. She had turned down several proposals while waiting on his.

She was so lost in her memories that she didn't realize that she had climbed to the top of the wall until she was looking over onto the field below. She took a moment to look around and saw that dew had settled on everything. The moonlight made the grass sparkle, like jewels and she found herself just letting her gaze wander over the beauty before her. She sighed and touched her lips, remembering the kiss the knight had given her. It was different from the kisses Derek had given her. Derek had been clumsy, the knight's kiss had been confident. She wondered what it would be like if he hadn't stopped.

She imagined he would be just as confident while making love. Unlike Derek, but it had been the first time for them both. She remembered the night they had gotten carried away with their kisses, she had wanted Derek to love her, but had been disappointed afterwards. It was hard to believe that women were so eager for what she had experienced. It was mostly painful and afterwards all she had felt was relief that it was over. He had promised the next time would be better. She never got a chance to find out. The Saxons attacked the next week and she hadn't seen him since. That had been almost six months before.

She thought back on what had happened earlier. Why had he upset her so much? Could it be that she wasn't really as happy being alone as she pretended? She let her mind wander on her last thought. She had never been a loner. Her memories took her back to happier times when people were always part of her life. Both young and old, she had drawn them into her daily life and found that she missed that part of her old life. She needed to go back and find out about the people she had left. The people she hoped were still alive. If they were, she knew they would have settled back where the village once stood. They were a people of traditions, of habits. Even with the constant threat of Saxons, they had not left their land.

But why, if Derek was alive, did he not come searching for her? She would have searched for him if he had gone missing. She shook her head to dispel the traitorous thoughts and headed back to her room. 'Probably because he doesn't know which way to go.' She made the excuse without realizing she had done so. She had enough money to buy a horse. She had walked here before, but it had taken a long time to make it this far. She wanted to go home much quicker and a horse would allow that. Other than that, she would only need a few provisions to get her home. She could find things to eat on the way. She quietly went over her list of needed items and knew she was ready. Why she hadn't left already, she couldn't figure out. Maybe she just needed that little push that the knight had given her. She just needed to realize how lonely she really was.

Gawain went to his room and plopped down on his bunk. What in the hell was wrong with him? She had more than made her feelings known and he had still kissed her. He wasn't like Lancelot, when a woman told him she wasn't interested in his advances, he believed her. That's why Lancelot was always ahead in their little competition. He kept on when Gawain gave up.

He remembered the look in her eyes as he lowered his lips to hers. She had been frightened, her eyes wide, but he had seen a little spark of desire, hadn't he? He saw the light reflected in them and felt her tremble as his lips touched hers. He felt her body against his when he had pulled her closer. His body began to respond to the memories and he sat up, 'Damn, I've got to get control of myself. I'm acting like this was the first time I've ever kissed a woman.' He stood up and began pacing the room. There was only one way to get this out of his system. He needed to go work off some of this energy at the practice yard.

He grabbed his bow and headed outside. Archery wasn't his strongest method of fighting, but at least it required his full attention. Besides, it was dark outside and he'd have to pay closer attention to see the target. He was stomping toward the yard when he saw her coming down from the battlement. He quickly ducked into the shadows. The last thing he needed right now was to run into her and have to face those eyes.

He watched her walk past him, and heard her talking quietly to herself. It sounded like a list, food, clothes, horse, what was she talking about? Then he remembered what Vanora had told him about her saving to return home to find her family. He sadly shook his head. Poor girl, he had pushed her into leaving and he knew she wouldn't find anything good when she got there. Maybe Arthur would allow him and maybe Galahad to escort her so she wouldn't be alone when she found the truth. He'd ask him in the morning and see what he said.

He didn't know where exactly she had come from except somewhere northeast of the fort. The northeastern shore was several weeks ride from the fort and a woman didn't need to travel that far alone. Arthur would surely want someone to travel with her. After all it was his fault she was going. He headed back to his room, forgetting about the training he was planning to do. He wanted to get some sleep so he could get up early. He didn't know what time she would be planning to leave and he didn't want to miss her.


	4. All My Fault

Wow! I'm amazed and more than pleased at the response to this story!

LANCELOTTRISTANBABY: Is this soon enough?

BlackPaintedWhite: Glad you like it so far… hope you aren't disappointed later.

KnightMaiden: Didn't want you to wait too long. Here it is.

Lucillaq: Thank you so much.

It seems my beta is a little too busy right now, so if anyone else is interested, just drop me a line. I'm a little worried about chapter five and would like someone elses opinion before I update again.

Same disclaimer applies. Unless I win the lottery soon you won't get much if you sue, so please don't.

Gawain was up before the sun the next morning and had gone in search of Arthur. He found him sitting at the Round Table eating breakfast. "Arthur, I need to speak with you about something." He started as he rushed into the room.

"Slow down, Gawain. What is so important that you're up before the sun when you don't have to be?" Arthur questioned him.

"There is this woman who works at the tavern. She's from somewhere up toward the northeast and her village was destroyed by Saxons." He knew he was talking too fast and purposely made himself slow down just a little. "She's planning on leaving to search for survivors and I want to accompany her." He finished and looked at Arthur, waiting for some kind of response.

Arthur watched Gawain as he spoke, he wasn't surprised when he started with 'there is this woman'. A lot of Gawain's stories started that way. But when he mentioned Saxons, Arthur listened more intently. "Gawain, you know there are probably no other survivors." He wanted to make sure Gawain understood what to expect.

"I know that, but she doesn't and won't listen. Beyond the fact that she's probably going to find out that she doesn't have a home or family anymore. It's not safe for her to travel that far alone."

His voice had become softer as he talked and when he finished Arthur recognized the guilt in his tone. "What causes you to feel guilty where this woman is concerned?" he asked quietly. "I'm not trying to pry into affairs that are none of my business, but I need all the details if I'm to make the right decision." He watched Gawain lower his gaze before answering.

"I'm the one who made her think of her family. I'm the reason she wants to leave." He looked up and saw Arthur pondering his words.

"There is no reason for you to remain at the fort right now, but I'm not sure I like you going alone for the length of time you'll require for this journey." He hesitated before finishing his thought, then hurried to continue when he saw the look on his friend's face. "But I don't see any reason why we can't all ride that way. If there are Saxons entering this island, then it is our duty to check it out and send a report to Rome." He stood up, leaving his half-eaten food. "Wake the others and tell them there will be a meeting as soon as they can get here."

Gawain stood quickly and headed toward the rooms where everyone would be still sleeping. He knew they wouldn't be happy about being pulled out of their beds at such an ungodly hour, but right then he didn't care whether they were happy or not. As long as she didn't leave by herself.

The knights gathered at the Round Table and Arthur told them what Gawain had told him. Gawain saw the other knights looking at him curiously and finally spoke up, "Vanora told me that she was working to save money so she could go back home. If the Saxons attacked her village, she will have no home to go back to. I feel bad for making her think about her home and about making her leave. It is my responsibility to make sure she doesn't get hurt on the journey and I don't want her to face what she will see on her on." His look dared anyone to argue, but unfortunately Lancelot didn't pay attention to it.

"What makes you think you had anything to do with her leaving?" He sounded bored and Gawain swallowed the angry retort that had come to his tongue.

"I asked her why she didn't want any friends and she started crying. She said she didn't need friends because she didn't plan to be here long enough." Then he let his anger come through, "Besides, what difference does it make? It is something I need to do. If you have a problem with it you don't have to go!"

Lancelot stood up, then sat back down. Gawain was right, it didn't matter why. They had always stuck together and this time was no different. He held up his hand in surrender. "Fine, I'm with you. I just wondered, that's all."

The others nodded in agreement. Arthur told them to prepare and looked at Gawain, "Find this woman and bring her here. I wish to talk with her before we leave." Gawain nodded and left the room.

He wasn't sure where she would be, so he decided to try the tavern first. He hoped she wouldn't be too upset that he had intruded again in her affairs. But in the end it wouldn't matter how upset she was. If they ran into trouble, she would see why he had done it.

He rounded the corner into the tavern and saw Vanora behind the bar doing something with pitchers and mugs. She turned and put her hands on her hips. "What the hell did you say to Sarah last night? She packed up this morning and told me she was leaving. She was one of my best servers, too!" She told him angrily.

It took him a minute to realize what she had said. "What do you mean, she left this morning? What time?" He saw her raise her eyebrow at his tone and he shook his head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout. What time did she say she was leaving?"

She moved her hands from her hips and said, "Before sunrise. She was all packed and woke me up to tell me she was sorry for such short notice. I tried to talk her out of it, but she said it was something she had to do." Then she looked at the way his face had fallen. "Why do you want to know?"

He sat down heavily and put his head in his hands, "I was going with her, I mean, we all were. I talked to Arthur this morning and he decided we should check out the story of the Saxons. If they attacked Britain, Rome needs to know." Then she heard him say as if to himself, "Why did she have to leave so quickly? It was only a kiss."

Vanora walked over and put her hand on his shoulder. "Gawain, I don't know what you're talking about, but I told you she was an odd one. She just wants to go home, like the rest of us. She acted tough, but I think that was just a cover for the hurt she felt. I should have made myself clearer when we talked." She sat down next to him, "Why did you kiss her?"

He looked up and shook his head, "I don't know. I was just trying to find out more about her, about why she wanted to look so plain when she was so beautiful. Then I looked into her eyes and," he hesitated, trying to find the right words, "and, I just couldn't help it. She seemed so all alone and I was feeling the same way. Maybe it was as much for myself as it was for her. I just don't know. Then she started crying and asked me to just leave her alone. I should never have left with her so upset. It's my fault and if something bad happens to her…" He let the words trail off.

"Oh, come on, Gawain, you can't be responsible for the actions of someone else. She made it here on her on and without the provisions she has now. She'll be fine. Like I said she's tough to a point." Vanora stood up and headed back to the bar. "Well, at least now I know why she took off so fast. Can't say I blame her, you lot can be pretty overbearing to a young girl that has no experience with men. She'd been here for a couple of months and has seen how you are with the other women. Maybe she just thought you were trying to take her to your bed and it scared her."

Gawain wished she would just stop talking. She wasn't making him feel any better about the situation. But she was probably right. Thinking back he remembered how disgusted she had sounded when she said she didn't want the attention of the men at the tavern. She probably hadn't been around many men who acted like they did when they got drunk. Well, he'd really made a mess this time. And he'd straighten it all out one way or the other. He quickly stood up and headed back to Arthur.


	5. Woads

My new beta for this story, BlackPaintedWhite, says this chapter is ready to post, so here it is. Thanks for all the reviews, I live for them. Oh, KnightMaiden, if you think a sequel is in order, drop me an email and give me some ideas of what you'd like to read about. Maybe a collaboration?

Disclaimer: Still only own things that are of sentimental value to me and unfortunately, none of the knights fit into that category. Sorry.

Sarah was up long before day break. It only took her a little while to pack what supplies she thought she'd need, and as far as clothes, she was wearing her leather pants and tunic. The only other thing she would carry was the green dress. She smiled when she looked at the dress, it was one of the few things she had splurged on. She had bought it with Derek in mind and wanted to change into it before she reached the village. He had told her he liked her wearing green, because it made her eyes shine. Shaking her head, she finished packing and headed for the stable to saddle her horse and start her journey.

She bought a horse with most of her money and the rest was tucked safely in her boot, just in case. She stopped by and told Vanora goodbye and apologized for leaving without giving advance warning. She wouldn't have done that, for they weren't close, but the woman had been kind to her the night before and she didn't like the feeling that she owed someone something. No debts, no ties. That was always best when you weren't planning on coming back.

The saddle that the man had thrown in wasn't much, but it beat trying to ride the whole way bareback. As the guards opened the gates, she turned around and looked at the fort one last time. It hadn't been a bad place to live, she had felt safe. But it wasn't home, at least not the way she remembered home. 'Yeah, I know it's partly my fault. I could have tried to make friends. But …' she thought. But for some reason she couldn't remember what the 'but' was for. 'It doesn't matter anymore, I'm going home, where I belong.'

When the gates were open just enough, she slipped through and headed north. She hadn't thought anything about a weapon or that she might need one. Why would she, she didn't know how to use one. It would probably just get in her way or cause her trouble somewhere down the road. The only thing she carried was a small dagger to skin small animals. She walked at a leisurely pace for a while, to give the horse time to get used to her and the other way around. Besides it was still too dark to see far, especially once she got to the woods, so slow was better than injured. When the sun finally came up she was well north of the fort in the darkened forest.

The knights rode away from the fort at dawn. Gawain hadn't known exactly which direction they should ride, so they just kind of headed north. Arthur had been amused at his reasoning, "We can head north, and if we don't run into her, we'll go a little east and come back that way." His voice had started off strong and sure, then as he ended it had slowly gotten quieter and hesitant.

If this hadn't been a potential situation where an innocent woman could be in trouble and one of his knights would feel responsible, Arthur would have broken into laughter at the embarrassed way Gawain was acting. The way Lancelot and Bors were still grumbling to each other just behind him made it difficult to think seriously even under the circumstances.

They had been riding for a few hours when Arthur called for them to stop. "We need to rest the horses and I for one am hungry. Tristan, as soon as we've rested, ride ahead and see how things look." He saw Tristan nod as they dismounted and prepared to rest. Arthur looked at Gawain and saw that he was trying to avoid the other knights. He also saw that he wasn't having much luck.

"Hey, Gawain, tell me again why we're out here instead of back at the fort getting drunk?" Galahad started the rather brutal teasing. Gawain just shook his head and moved to another spot to lay back and shut his eyes. Galahad seemed to be glad that for once he wasn't on the receiving end of the teasing.

"Aawh, come on Galahad, haven't you ever chased a woman across Britain to drag her back to your bed?" teased Lancelot.

Suddenly Gawain jumped up, "That's not why we're here and you know it! If we don't help her, she's going to be hurt! If not by Woads or Saxons, then her heart will be broken when she finds her village gone and everyone dead." He had started out shouting, but at the end his voice was just sad. "Do any of you remember her?" He looked around and saw that each one was shaking his head. "Until yesterday I didn't notice her either. Do you know she's beautiful, but she hides it under layers of clothes so none of us would notice her? She told me she didn't want any attention from the men at the tavern, but I think she meant us."

The others had started paying closer attention when he told them she wore layers of clothes. "Vanora told me she came to the fort a couple of months ago. The Saxons had attacked her village and she had escaped. She was planning to work and save her money to go back home and find her family." He wasn't looking at the others. He was looking at the ground between his feet.

"Find her family? Didn't anyone tell her that the Saxons don't leave survivors?" Asked Dagonet.

"Vanora tried, but Sarah wouldn't listen." He seemed to want to say more, but just kept staring at the ground. Finally, he looked up and the others saw the haunted look in his eyes. "Yesterday, I was looking around the tavern and realized that every woman there had been in each of our beds at one time or another. It made me realize just what we'd missed in our service to Rome. There was no chance of finding the kind of woman we'd want to marry and spend the rest of our lives with." He saw Bors start to say something and hurried to add, "except you, Bors. You got lucky."

"Well, I decided to just go to the top of the wall and think about things. That's when I saw Sarah walking under the big tree. She started pulling clothes off and I wondered why she was going to strip down. But she stopped when she got to her green dress. She then let her hair down. It was long, brown, and when she shook her head it flew about her head in a cloud. She was beautiful." His voice still had awe from the remembered scene.

"Why didn't you just go talk to her then?" Bors asked.

"I did. That's when I kissed her and she seemed about to cry. She left because I went against her wishes. She didn't want me to try to kiss her, she didn't want any of us to try anything. I ran her off. Now do you see why I want to find her before she gets hurt?" The pleading in his voice made them all look down at the ground.

Finally, Arthur felt the need to break the tense silence that followed Gawain's plea, "We'll find her, now let's head out." The men all started to head toward their horses, each trying to find a way to cheer their friend up. Of all the knights, he was usually the one keeping everybody else's mood lifted. None of the others knew what to say or if anything they could say would take the blame out of his heart. This was different for all of them, including Gawain, himself.

Sarah rode through the forest, watching the thick foliage for signs of anything that could cause her trouble. She didn't want to admit it, but she had gotten used to having other people around her even though she hadn't had any dealings with them. Being alone in the darkness of the forest made her feel more lonely than she had ever felt, including the time it had taken her to get to the fort when she had run from her village. Then she had just been concerned with surviving.

She found herself thinking about the people who had tried to be friendly to her. The serving wenches had tried, at least they had until they found out she wasn't the plain, plump girl they thought her to be.

Some of the Roman soldiers had also tried at first. But she had to admit, she had been rather rude to them. All but the older ones. They had reminded her of her father. Always looking out for her. Warning her when the knights were coming back so she could change her appearance. She smiled at the memories of their words. 'Lady, the knights are due in today. You don't want them to catch you as you look now, do you?' Such kind men.

Then the blonde knight had tried to be friendly to her and she had lost it. She remembered the feeling when he had kissed her. He had been so gentle at first and she would have enjoyed it, but then she saw the look in his eyes and it scared her. She had seen the many times he had kissed the other women and then taken them to his bed. She didn't want that, she wanted what Derek's love had promised; closeness. 'Then why am I thinking about his kiss and not Derek's?' she berated herself.

She shook her head and looked around the forest. She did not want to think anymore. She just wanted to get home as fast as she could. She looked around to make sure she was still alone. She thought she saw something out of the corner of her eye and turned around to see what it was. She didn't see anything, but she was sure she had seen something move, so she quickened her pace. Whatever she thought she had seen was left behind as she rode forward.

After a few minutes she looked around again. This time she did not see anything. She slowed down a little and found her mind wandering again. This time she was thinking about Derek. He was such a good man. He had always been kind and compassionate. The children of the village flocked after him as they did Sarah. She had realized how much she wanted to marry him early in her life when he had always taken up for the weaker of the children as they grew up. He would be a good father and the families of their village had been pretty big for the most part.

Her own family had been one of the smallest in the village. But her mother had problems when she was born and for whatever reason had never conceived again. It was something that caused her mother much sadness and she had told Sarah how she looked forward to many grandchildren. Timothy and Anna had been expecting their first child when the attack came. 'Please let them be alright.' She silently pleaded to the gods. Anna had become like a sister when she married Timothy. Sarah missed her more than she had let herself realize during her forced exile.

Then she thought about Vanora. She reminded her of Anna. Outspoken, honest to a fault and stubborn. But she was loyal to the people she loved. Anna had loved Sarah like a sister and been beside her whenever she had been sad, which wasn't often, but she had always told her if she needed anything, she would be there. 'Anna, I miss you. You and Timothy.' She thought sadly.

The sadness brought by her thoughts brought tears to her eyes and she briskly wiped them away with her hand. 'I'm just tired,' she thought. 'I need to stop and rest and maybe eat a little. Then I'll feel better.' She looked around and saw a small clearing just off the trail. She jumped lightly from her horse and began to unsaddle him. He probably needed to rest as well, and she wanted to get her thoughts under control before she started again. She should be a little excited about going home instead of feeling so sad. Her mixed feelings confused her and she didn't like being confused.

She ate some of the dried meat and fruit she had brought, being careful not to eat too much. It needed to last most of the journey. She could probably find some berries in the woods but she didn't know how well she would do trying to snare small game. It had been a long time since she had to use her hunting skills and she didn't relish being hungry like she had been on the journey to the wall.

After she had eaten, she leaned back against the trunk of a tree and closed her eyes. She hadn't slept much the night before, partly because of her mixed up emotions and partly because she was preparing for her journey. She thought she would rest her eyes for a few minutes, then she would head back out. She wanted to make good time and reach her home as quickly as the elements and landscape would allow. She tried to remember her journey south, but she had taken so many turns trying to find her way that she doubted she would be able to go back the same way. Before she realized what she was doing, she fell into a sound sleep.

The Woads had been following the lone woman for a few miles when she stopped. They were intrigued by the fact that she traveled alone and seemed to be unarmed. When she stopped, they stopped and watched and waited. What could a woman her age be doing out in the woods all alone, especially on their side of the wall? The leader of the hunting party motioned for them to stay out of sight as he moved close enough to see her as she sat under the tree. He decided that they would not bother her unless she gave them cause later. They would follow her for a ways and be sure she would be alright before turning toward their camp further to the north.


	6. Rescued

Note: Thanks for the reviews! Sorry I don't have time to answer each one individually, but trust me, I read them all!

Disclaimer: This is so monotonous! Don't we all know if we did own anything of the legend, we'd be shouting it from the rooftop?

Here you go…

The knights had entered the woods north of the wall shortly after taking their break. Tristan had ridden ahead since this was prime Woad territory as the others rode quickly through the dense forest. When he found nothing that would hinder their progress, he stopped to let his horse rest and the others catch up. The soft whinny of a horse got his attention and he quietly moved into the woods to investigate. He found the horse tied to a tree limb and looked around for the rider. He saw someone leaned against a tree and thought at first the person must be dead or at least injured. All he could see was legs covered in brown leather and brown leather boots. There was no movement to indicate life.

He slowly inched closer, moving around to better see who the person was. He was holding his bow ready in case he was wrong. When he got into position to see, he stopped and stared. The person was a woman with long brown hair, done into one plait that hung over her shoulder. She was either sleeping soundly or dead with her head hung forward, her chin on her chest. Her hands were clasped together on her lap. He took a few more steps and didn't see a weapon of any kind, so he lowered his bow and moved to stand directly in front of her. "Lady, are you hurt?" he called out. There was no response, so he moved closer still.

Just as he stepped close enough to lean down and touch her, she raised her head and opened her eyes. He saw her eyes widen in surprise as she tried to get up. "Lady, are you injured?" He spoke quietly, hoping to reassure her that he meant her no harm.

She stopped moving, "No, I'm just resting. Who are you and what do you want?" She recognized him as one of the knights from the fort, but didn't want to let on. He heard the suspicions in her tone and took a step back to let her know he wouldn't try anything. "Tristan. I want nothing. I just heard your horse and thought you must be injured. Since you are not…" He let his sentence trail off, then noticed that her eyes were green, like Gawain had described. "What is your name?" This must be the girl his friend had spoken of, it would be too big a coincidence for two women with green eyes to be north of the wall, alone.

"My name is my business, sir, now that you see I am not injured, you may leave me and go on about your own business." She stood up as she spoke and he saw that she did not have a weapon. "Do you think it wise to travel alone through Woad country without a weapon?" She had spirit, either that or she was incredibly stupid.

"I've never felt the need for a weapon. To carry a weapon is to invite trouble." She began to gather her things and prepared to replace her saddle. Since he didn't seem to be in a hurry to leave, then she would.

Tristan was hoping that the others would catch up soon. He really didn't want to get involved in stopping her from leaving, but if they didn't hurry, he would have to. "Sarah," he called her name. She didn't look at him, she just stopped what she was doing, her saddle held in front of her. "You need to wait before you leave. Arthur will be here shortly to escort you home." He watched her for any sign that she was going to make a run for it.

Instead of running, she just dropped her saddle and turned to face him. "Why would Arthur want to do that?" He could tell she didn't believe him. "Because Gawain asked him to." He hesitated for only a second, "You know he didn't mean to cause you any pain yesterday. He really is a good man."

She watched him as he spoke. He didn't seem to be planning anything. "I have no doubt that he is, as you say, a good man. But I have a good man waiting for me at home." He heard the confusion in her voice and wondered why she was confused.

"You are married?" He saw the look in her eyes and knew that she wasn't. "No, betrothed. We would have been married by now if the Saxons hadn't attacked. We will probably marry as soon as I return. But that really isn't any of your business. Now, if you'll excuse me, I really need to continue my journey. I'd rather not have to travel at night and you're wasting my time." She bent over and retrieved her saddle and placed it on her horse. When she finished she turned to face him once more. "Please tell your friend and the commander that I appreciate their concern, but I don't need an escort to my home."

He stepped toward her as she put her foot in the stirrup, before he could take more than a couple of steps he saw a Woad come from behind a tree holding a sword. He pulled his sword and moved toward the other man. "Sarah, get out of here. Head back the way you came and you'll find Arthur. Tell him the Woads are attacking." He didn't look to see if she was doing as he asked, but he heard the horse head back down the trail. At least she was smart enough to recognize trouble when it appeared in front of her.

The Woad leader perked up when he saw the man approach the woman. He looked dangerous with his bow, an arrow nocked and ready. He motioned for his party to prepare to intervene should the need arise and watched the man with an eager look on his features. When he heard the man mention 'Arthur', he recognized the name and knew this had to be one of the knights from the fortress. He was reassured that he meant no harm to the woman, but he could not pass up the chance to dance the battledance with the knight. He drew his sword and stepped from the cover of the forest, followed closely by his companions.

Sarah rode back the way she had come hoping to see the other knights quickly. She didn't know how many of the blue men were back where the lone knight was, but she knew if there were many, he would not be able to fight them all. It would be her fault if he died. They had come to escort her home and she didn't want anyone to die because of her. She hadn't gone far when she saw the others riding toward her. She stopped and waited for them to come to her.

When they were close enough to hear her, she shouted, "Hurry, he needs help! Woads." She was glad to see that they didn't slow down, they just galloped past her and pulled their weapons. She turned and followed slowly. It would do no good for her to hurry, she couldn't fight and would probably just get in the way or get one of them killed trying to keep her safe. "Damn, what a mess. But I'm glad they didn't find me alone."

She heard the sounds of fighting before she arrived. As she got closer, she smelled the metallic smell of blood and thought she would be sick. She remembered the smell from when her village had been attacked. It had stayed with her for a good part of her journey away from the fighting and she thought she would never get it out of her nose. It had been a long time before she could even eat meat again. She closed her eyes for a moment and then hearing the sounds of battle die down, she opened them and walked her horse toward the others.

When her horse stepped into the clearing she saw bodies laying on the ground. Some were missing pieces and others were just split open gruesomely. She stepped down off her horse and stood surveying the carnage. She swallowed several times to keep the food she had eaten from rising up her throat into her mouth. She had never seen so much blood. The knights were covered and the ground was saturated with it.

She saw the big man, Dagonet, Vanora had called him, leaning over Gawain. She quickly ran over, trying to avoid stepping in the blood and failing. She knelt beside Dagonet and saw that Gawain had an arrow sticking out of his left shoulder. He looked at her as she knelt beside him. She saw the pain in his eyes and felt guilt that he was hurting because of her. "I'm sorry." She couldn't think of anything else to say to convey the guilt she felt.

Gawain saw Sarah kneel beside Dag. The guilt on her face surprised him, as did the paleness. He tried to smile, but the pain made it come across as a grimace. When she said she was sorry, he wanted to take her in his arms and protect her from her guilt. He reached up and took her hand. "It's not so bad, it just hurts like hell, but I've had much worse." When he saw the tear slip down her cheek, he released her hand and wiped the trail away. "Don't cry, I'll be fine, won't I, Dag?"

"Yeah, we'll just remove the arrow and stop the bleeding." Dag told her. She watched as Dag broke the arrow off and push it the rest of the way through to the back of Gawain's shoulder. Gawain made a face, but didn't yell. She saw that he kept his gaze locked with hers and hoped she didn't look too ill. She wanted to be brave for him, but she knew it wouldn't be real. Right now she was as frightened as she had been when the other knight had yelled for her to ride.

When Dag pulled the arrow out of his shoulder, he grabbed her hand and squeezed it. She bit her lip from the pain in her hand, but refused to cry out. If he could stand the pain he felt, she could stand having her hand crushed for a minute. As soon as the arrow left his shoulder, Dagonet then placed a cloth over the wound and pressed hard. Gawain was gritting his teeth and grunting loudly. After several minutes, he raised the cloth and checked the bleeding. "The bleeding has slowed. It will stop soon; we should return to the fort as quickly as possible. If the Woads return Gawain will not be able to fight and we might not be able to protect him." His words were aimed toward Arthur, who had come to check on the progress of his knight's wound. "Come, let's get him on his horse and head back." Then he turned to Sarah, "Lady, you must return to Hadrian's Wall where you will be safe until Gawain has healed. Will you do so without an argument?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot return to the fort. I must go to my home." She stood up to go to her horse and was confronted by a very angry Galahad. "So, you're going to just leave after Gawain risked his life to protect you?" He shouted. She saw that he was clenching his fists and thought for a moment that he would strike her.

"I did not want anyone to be hurt. But, I did not ask anyone to come. The decision was your own, now please let me pass, and I will be gone." She tried to sound cold, but she could feel the tears stinging her eyes. She tried to push past him before the tears started to fall, but he grabbed her arm, "Gawain felt guilty for pushing you into leaving, but I think his guilt was misplaced. You care nothing for anyone but yourself. Go, then and good riddance." He moved and let her pass. She hesitated, then rushed past him, and headed to her horse.

When she reached for the reins, she felt someone take them from her. She turned to see the knight with the dark curly hair holding them. "Sir, my reins?" She held her hand to take them. "I'm sorry, Sarah, but as Arthur said, you must return with us." Lancelot was a little angry that after they had been pulled from their beds to follow her, she was being a spoiled little brat, refusing to see reason.

Sarah stamped her foot, "I have done nothing wrong! Why can't you just go back and let me go where I please?" She waited for him to relent and let her leave. When he made no move to do so, she asked him, "Am I to be held against my will, then?" Lancelot flashed his famous smile, "Not exactly, you will be our guest until you can be escorted home in the manner a lady should expect. But, if you insist on trying to leave again, we will do whatever we must to keep you safe."

Being told she could not leave brought the tears and try as she might she could not stop them. She angrily wiped them away and said quietly, "Very well. It seems I will be returning." She held her hand out again and Lancelot hesitantly placed the reins in her hand. She mounted and waited for Dagonet and Arthur to place Gawain on his horse. She moved beside him, deciding if she couldn't leave, she could at least help ensure he did not become injured any more than he already had.


	7. Feelings

Thanks for the reviews:

Devonshirelass: Sometimes people act a certain way because of reasons we don't understand. I think maybe you'll change your mind as the story progresses. But I'm really glad you like it. Hope I don't disappoint later.

LANCELOTTRISTANBABY: You're very astute! Let me know if the story is progressing too fast. Sometimes I think it is, then I reread what I've written and can't decide how to change anything, so I just don't. Hope you like the next chapter.

Lady11Ocult: Maybe there is no 'right' or 'wrong', just different perceptions. Hope you like the rest.

Disclaimer: I own no part of the Arthurian legend, including characters and scenes that can be recognized from the movie by Jerry Bruckheimer or the book by Frank Thompson or the screenplay by David Franzoni. The legend belongs to no one, including me. There is no infringement on property owned by others intended and since I own nothing but sentimental items, suing would be pointless. I don't even own Sarah, she is modeled and named after a friend that I admire a good deal.

On with my story…

The ride back to fort had been uneventful. They had not crossed paths with any more Woads and even though she could tell Gawain was in pain, he had kept up with the others without any trouble. A couple of times, Dagonet had checked his wound and each time had not looked happy. She assumed it was because the cloth looked more soaked with blood as the day progressed. She didn't know how much blood he had lost, but it had been a lot.

They entered the courtyard and Gawain was helped down from his horse. Dagonet and Galahad took him and went into the fortress. Sarah stepped off her horse and stood looking after them for a minute. She was brought out of her thoughts when Lancelot reached for her reins. "I'll take your horse and see that it is taken care of." She gave him a dirty look, "I said I would return with you and I will not try to sneak away. I don't go back on my word even if I don't agree with what you made me do." Then she turned and headed toward the tavern. Maybe Vanora would let her work again. She had to do something until she was allowed to leave.

On the way to Gawain's room, Dag noticed that the man had passed out. He hoped it was a response to the pain, but figured it more likely brought on by the amount of blood he had lost. He realized there must be more damage on the inside than he had hoped. Otherwise the bleeding would have completely stopped by now. He shook his head, he wished he knew how to repair the damage. But all they could do was keep pressure until the bleeding stopped on it's own and hope it was soon or the man could die.

Galahad helped him lay Gawain on the bed. They removed his clothing and covered him up. Dag went to get more material for bandages and some of the salve he used to stave off infection. Galahad stayed with his friend and watched for any sign that he would be waking up soon. "Damn that woman," he said aloud to the empty room. "She didn't act like she cared that he could be dying, we should have just let the Woads have her." Gawain's voice got his attention, "You don't mean that, Galahad."

He saw that Gawain was looking at him, pain in his features. "Yes I do. She means nothing to me and it's plain that she cares for no one but herself." He told him angrily. "You're wrong, Galahad. She cares. She's just confused." Gawain tried to make him see what he'd seen in her eyes as she knelt beside Dag. "She was going to leave without waiting to see if you would be alright." Galahad didn't know what he saw in the woman, but he didn't want him to have some false sense of her.

"She lost her family and won't admit it even to herself. How do we know she wasn't afraid to stay. If she stayed she would know for sure if I lived or died. If she left she could always believe that I'd lived whether I did or not." He took a deep breath and winced from the pain. "Don't judge her. We can only guess at what she holds in her heart." He closed his eyes, trying to gain strength from not having to work at focusing on his friend. "I'll not say another cross word about her, but not because I believe you're right. I'll do it only because you ask." He didn't know if Gawain had heard him or not. He was sleeping again and Galahad knew that would be the best thing for him to do.

Dag returned with the supplies he would need to really deal with Gawain's wound. Galahad told him that the man had been awake just moments before and Dag told him it was a good sign. He unwrapped the makeshift bandage and began to clean around the hole left by the arrow. The blood was not pouring out anymore and Dag hoped it was because it had finally stopped bleeding and not because there wasn't much blood left. He heard him moan a couple of times as he worked on the wound. Once he thought he heard him call her name, but he couldn't be sure. His voice was soft whatever he said. He told Galahad that all they could do was sit and wait, he left saying something about needing a drink, so Dag pulled a chair up to sit. He didn't want to leave him alone until he was sure the bleeding wouldn't start up again. It looked like it was going to be a long day, so he made himself comfortable.

Sarah was behind the counter filling pitchers when she saw Galahad come into the tavern. She let one of the other girls wait on him. She didn't want to face him after what had been said on the trail. She wanted to tell him that she wasn't abandoning his friend. She just had to get away from him. He made her feel things that weren't right for a woman who was betrothed to someone else. His eyes made her remember the kiss from the day before. They made her want to kiss him again and she couldn't do that to Derek until she knew for sure whether he was alive or dead. The thought startled her, causing her to drop one of the pewter pitchers. "Of course, he's alive." She said aloud to herself. Then she made a silent plea, 'Please be alive.' She had meant it about Derek, but it was Gawain's face she saw behind her closed eyelids.

She quickly opened her eyes and shook her head. 'I've got to get him off my mind and the only way to do that is to face him again.' She headed toward Vanora, "Vanora, I know I said I wanted to work today, but I really need to check on Gawain." She saw the look Vanora was giving her as she said, "Of course, Girl, go on. Everything's under control. Come back when you're sure he'll be alright." Then she quickly shooed her toward the entrance. Sarah gave her a small smile of thanks and pulled her apron off, handing it to her before she left.

She had never been to the knight's quarters before and wasn't sure which door to knock on when she stepped into the hallway. Steeling herself against her sudden shyness, she knocked on the first door. When no one answered, she moved to the next. She had knocked on four doors when she heard someone move toward the door. She stepped back, trying to prepare what she would say when the door opened, and she saw Dagonet standing there. "I just wanted to check on Gawain. Is this his room?" She quickly asked before she lost her nerve.

"Yeah, come in. He's sleeping right now, but the bleeding finally stopped and I cleaned and dressed the wound." He was filling her in as she stepped toward the man laying on the bed. She looked at his face and saw that it was extremely pale. "Are you sure he's just asleep? He looks so pale." She never removed her gaze from his face and had to keep herself from reaching over and touching his face.

"Yeah, Galahad said he was awake earlier. His breathing is unlabored and steady. His heartbeat is strong. With rest I think he will recover without any more trouble." She nodded without looking at him. He thought she looked relieved. He studied her while she was occupied and saw the worry still etched in her features. He decided to try a little experiment, "I've got some things I need to attend to. Could you sit with him until I return?" She didn't look in his direction as she spoke, "Yes. I'd like to stay until he wakes anyway. I want to thank him." Then she finally pulled her eyes from Gawain and looked up, "I'm not as cold and heartless as Galahad believes. I just had to get away from… from…" She let her words trail off for a moment, then with renewed strength, "from the blood. It made me feel ill."

He stood looking into her eyes for a moment, then asked, "From the blood, or from Gawain?" He saw the uncertainty that she quickly covered by looking back at the man on the bed, "The blood. Why would I need to get away from him?" It was as Dag thought, Gawain had affected her and she was trying to deny it. "You wouldn't. He is a good man. You just need to give him a chance to show you." She didn't say anything and he hadn't expected her to. But he did want her to think about it while she stayed there and watched him. Dag reached out and touched her arm, "Here, sit on this chair. I won't be too long, but you'll get tired if you stand the whole time." She followed his guidance without looking up. When he turned to leave the room he saw that she hadn't taken her eyes off Gawain's face. He shook his head and left.

Sarah sat watching his chest rise and fall as he slept. She looked at his face and noticed that he was very handsome, even with the blood that still covered him. She noticed he had many scars on his shoulders and chest. One in particular looked like it had been a bad wound before it healed. She could see that it had required stitches and she wondered how a man could take the kind of pain the wound would have caused and still be willing to put himself in a position to be hurt again. Before she realized it she was standing next to him and was tracing her finger down the scar. She stopped where the covers began, even though the scar ran beneath them. So intent on what she had been doing, she didn't realized his eyes were open and he was watching her. She jumped when he put his hand on top of hers.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. I was just… just…" She couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't sound lame and she didn't want to admit even to herself, that she hadn't realized she was going to touch him until she already had started. She felt her face blush and wanted to cover up her embarrassment by turning away, but she couldn't with him holding her gaze with his.

"Sarah, you didn't disturb me." He said quietly, then a little more forcefully, "Galahad didn't mean what he said earlier. He says things when he's worried and we've all learned not to be offended. I'm sorry if his words hurt you." She began to shake her head to deny that she had been hurt, but she couldn't lie to him. Not when his eyes seemed to be looking straight into her heart. She stopped shaking her head and shrugged, "I deserved what he said." She said as she tried to pull her hand from beneath his.

His hand closed around hers and she shivered from the sensations she felt. She tried to think of something to say that would take his attention away from her face. She knew it had to be bright red from the heat she felt rise to the top of her head. She relaxed her arm and stopped trying to pull her hand free. He lifted her hand and placed it on his chest. "I'm glad you came." He whispered as he closed his eyes. He only meant to rest them for a moment, but he was so tired he soon fell asleep.

She saw him close his eyes and felt a chill replace the heat in her face. It was like having the sun on your face and then a cloud covers the sun and you miss the heat. She waited for him to open his eyes and when she realized he had fallen back to sleep, she gently pulled her hand free from his and returned to the chair. This is where Lancelot found her when he stopped to check on Gawain.

"Ahh, Lady Sarah, I didn't realize Gawain was entertaining a guest. I would have waited and not interrupted." He said cheekily when he entered the room without knocking. He watched her blush as she quickly stood up and turned to face him. He smiled inwardly, failing to inform her that he did indeed know that she was with Gawain. Dag had informed them when he came to the tavern. Galahad had not been happy about it, saying rather adamantly that they should have just let her go on her way. Dag had described how she was behaving and he wanted to see for himself. For if what Dag said was true, then it sounded like she was just as enamored with the man as he was with her.

"He is sleeping, you didn't interrupt anything. I am just waiting for Dagonet to return and …" She stopped talking when she saw the smirk on his face. "You knew I was here. Why did you find it necessary to try to embarrass me?" She wanted to be angry, but she was tired of being angry whenever these men were near.

"I apologize, but I find it interesting that after such a tantrum about leaving, you are sitting with the man who delayed your trip. I wonder… could he have peaked your interest?" He was tapping his lips as he spoke and staring at the man asleep on the bed. He saw her place her hands on her hips as her eyes flashed. But only for a moment, before she lowered her eyes and turned to look at Gawain. "I assure you that my interest lies elsewhere, with the man I am to marry when I return home. I am merely thankful that he is recovering so that I may thank him for being concerned with my well being. Now if you are going to stay, I will go back to the tavern. I'm sure Vanora could use the help."

She turned and headed toward the door but Lancelot stopped her when he said, "No, Lady, I cannot stay. I just stopped to check on him on my way to see Arthur. He will be asking about his condition." He watched the war going on behind her eyes. She went from being aggravated to being relieved. He wasn't sure which emotion was for the fact that she would have to stay, relief or aggravation. Being a betting man, his money was on relief.


	8. Doubts and Schemes

Thanks to all who reviewed Chapter Six. But you'd think with over 500 hits on the story there would be more reviews, even bad ones! Come on guys, let me know if I suck or what!

Lady11Occult: Yes and he cheated too!

Devonshirelass: Of course she cares, who wouldn't? (Sigh…) But you'll find out more about how she feels about Derek later…

LANCELOTTRISTANBABY: Glad you liked it. Hope you like this one too!

Melosine: We all have things we want to do, but sometimes things just don't go as we plan. Lancelot puts on a good act, but I think that's all it is, an act. We'll just have to see…

Disclaimer: Go ahead and sue, good luck! If I owned any of this everyone would hear me scream, you know, the scream heard 'round the world!

Lancelot walked into Arthur's quarters. "How is the patient?" He asked without looking up from the papers he was quickly scanning with his eyes. Lancelot laughed, "He'd be fairing better if he weren't injured." Arthur dropped the papers and looked up in confusion. Waving his hand dismissively, Lancelot told him about Sarah. "I think a romance is budding between the two of them. But she is still denying any feelings. She claims to be going home to wed. I think Gawain is correct, she is in for a terrible heartbreak if she truly believes what she says." He plopped down in the chair facing Arthur and put one leg over the arm. "Are you really going to escort her north?"

Arthur regarded him for a moment, "It is what I promised. I do not make idle promises, you know this." "Well, I am not looking forward to the water works when she finds her village destroyed and everyone either dead or gone. Maybe that is what it will take for her to drop this plan of hers and give our brother a chance to win her heart." Arthur watched Lancelot's face as he spoke. "Lancelot, you speak as if you could care less what happens concerning Sarah, but I sense that you are rooting for Gawain in this affair of the heart."

Lancelot stared at Arthur for a moment, "He deserves it. I have seen the discontent in his actions of late. He looks for something deeper than the competition we've shared over the years." "What about you, Lancelot? Do you seek something more meaningful as well?" Arthur tried to make the question both light hearted and important. He knew that Lancelot would scoff if he asked without making it light. "No," he laughed, "I do not wish to spend the rest of my life with only one woman. I couldn't bear to break the hearts of all the others." He laughed nervously and Arthur knew he was not being truthful. If the right woman came along, he would give up the life he now led, as would they all and never look back.

"How long do you think Gawain will need to be well?" He asked to change the subject. He knew the question had no exact answer. Healing depended on many things. Lancelot looked up from his seat as Arthur stood up and walked around the table. "It is hard to tell. He was sleeping when I stopped in, but Dag told us he was doing well. Probably the usual four or five days before he will be fit to ride. Longer before he will be fit to go into battle." Arthur nodded, "I think it is time I checked on the patient myself and maybe have a talk with the lady." He headed toward the door and Lancelot slowly stood up. "I'll meet you at the tavern." They walked down the hallway together, each lost in his own thoughts.

Sarah heard the door open and thought it was either Dagonet coming to take over or maybe Lancelot coming back to embarrass her some more. She turned around when no one said anything and saw Arthur standing just inside the open doorway. She quickly stood and curtsied. Arthur bowed slightly and stepped closer to the bed. "How is he doing?" She looked from Arthur to Gawain, "The same, he has been sleeping which is good, it'll help with the healing." He stood and watched her. She seemed to be a little calmer than she was earlier.

He decided the best way was to be honest and forthright. "Sarah, I'd like to talk to you, if you'll give me a few minutes." He saw her stiffen, then she turned to him, "As you wish." She didn't know what Arthur wanted to talk to her about, but she was sure it was because she had caused one of his knights to be injured. She watched as he pulled a chair close to hers and motioned her to be seated. She did as she was asked and he sat down. "Gawain said your village was attacked by Saxons. How much of the attack did you see?" He spoke quietly and his question caught her by surprise.

"I didn't see any of the attack, my brother pushed me out and told me to run. I did what he told me to, since I didn't know how to fight." He noticed the sadness in her voice, she was not lying. "Can you tell me anything? Where is your village? Which direction the Saxons came from? That kind of information. It may help us know what they are up to, it could help us save lives." He thought she might not know any of this, but he wouldn't know for sure unless he asked.

"My village is on the northern tip of the island. The Saxons came at us from the east, across the North Sea. There was many in their army and we were a peaceful village. None of the people knew how to fight. We all just ran." She hesitated and then defiantly looked up from her hands, "Is there anything else?"

He saw the way her eyes were glimmering with unshed tears. It pained him to tell her what he must, but she had the right to know what she would be facing when she returned to her home. "No, Lady, thank you for the information. I know it pained you greatly, but the information you provided is valuable to Rome." She nodded and said, "But?" She raised her eyebrow, "I hear the unfinished sentence at the end, what else would you say to me?"

Arthur stood and began pacing the room, "Lady, how much do you know about the Saxons?" He watched her shake her head, "Not much, our village is remote and news does not reach us often. Why do you ask?" He stood next to her, "It is unlikely anyone survived the attack. I'm afraid the Saxons are brutal, they leave no survivors when they attack and burn everything rendering it useless. I'm sorry. But your village will not be there when you return." He laid his hand on her shoulder in sympathy.

Sarah looked at the hand on her shoulder and quickly stood up to face him. "No, you're wrong, the people all ran, when the Saxons left, I know they returned. My brother told me to come back, but by the time I had stopped running I was too far away and hungry and weak. I needed to recuperate before I headed back. That's why I came here." Then she raised her chin defiantly, "Timothy will be waiting for my return, as will my betrothed, Derek. I must return or they will think me dead."

Arthur tried to sooth her, "Well, if they ran as you say, maybe some survived. But do not let hope rule your heart. The Saxons have a habit of breaking the hearts of hopeful people." He thought at least she would think about what he had told her, then maybe she would be better prepared for what she found. "But as I promised, we will escort you back home and be with you whatever you find. You have my word." He saw her gaze intently into his eyes, then she nodded. "Thank you, but I do not wish to put you or your knights in further risk for my sake. No harm came to me during my trip south. I'm sure I will be safe enough on my trip back north."

Arthur began shaking his head as soon as she started talking about going alone. "No, Lady, I cannot permit that, for I would not be able to rest wondering if you made it safely." Then he turned to look at Gawain, "And I don't think he would forgive me allowing it. For whatever reason, he has decided that you need his protection and will follow you if you leave while he is abed." He saw her start to protest, then she looked at Gawain and nodded. "As you wish, I would not leave with his recovery in question. I would wait until he is well enough to be up and about. That is the right thing, don't you agree?"

Arthur nodded and saw Gawain open his eyes, "Ahh, it seems he has finally rested enough. How is your wound, Gawain?" He saw him immediately look for Sarah before he turned back to answer his question. He raised an eyebrow to let him know he had not missed the move. "Better, Arthur, I think it will heal nicely. But, I think we should fashion our arrows after the Woads. I have been hit before and never has it been as painful as it was this time."

"Dag gave me the tip, it is made to rip as it goes through skin and muscle. That is why there was so much blood and why it did not readily stop bleeding. But I can see you are in good hands, so I will join Lancelot at the tavern. I'm sure you will be missed." He saw Gawain nod absently, then turn his attention back to Sarah. He bowed to Sarah, "Lady, I'm sure I will see you when I check on Gawain again. Take care." He walked out the door and left the two to become better acquainted.


	9. Confused Feelings

Thanks to all my reviewers:

Babaksmiles: That's kind of how I'm leaning. But I think you'll be surprised at Derek's reaction to Sarah being alive. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Lady11Occult: Yeah, she can be stubborn, just like the real Sarah I know! And heartbreak is no stranger either. She'll survive, she's strong (and she will have Gawain to help her!) Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Devonshirelass: Yeah, the arrow was horrible. I wanted him to be hurt, but not really dying so I gave the arrow a really dangerous tip. You know, writer's license and all! Glad you like it. And Arthur is following Lancelot's lead in this by giving the two a chance to bond. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

LANCELOTTRISTANBABY: Is this soon enough? I'll try to go faster next time, but I had to catch up on all the terrific stories the rest of you are writing first. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Disclaimer: This is the last chapter I'm going to spend time putting this at the beginning! I don't own any of this and everybody knows it! This is strictly for fun (and my own fantasies) so please don't bother trying to sue. You wouldn't get much anyway! Now on with the story…

Sarah stepped to the side of the bed, "Would you like a drink of water or something to eat?" He wanted to tell her all he wanted was to look at her, but knew she would not appreciate the sentiment. "A little water perhaps. I don't think my stomach is awake enough for food just yet." He gave a small laugh, which brought a moan from jarring his shoulder. When he moaned, Sarah rushed to his side. "Is the pain worse?" She asked.

"No, I just forget that it hurts to move. It'll be fine in a moment." He smiled to show his words were true. He watched as she went back to the table and brought the cup of water to him. He reached for it and she pulled it back, "No, I will hold it. You might spill it." She laughed and he was mesmerized by the sound. He raised his head and she placed her hand on his neck for support. She held the cup to his lips and he took a sip. When he saw her offer another, he shook his head slightly. "No, thank you, I just wanted to wet my mouth. It was hard to speak with it so dry." He watched her take the cup back to the table and noticed that she was wearing the green dress without all the extra padding she had worn before.

"I see you find it unnecessary to wear extra clothes now, I'm glad, they are not needed. You are safe from unwanted advances here." He saw the slight blush that came to her cheeks and smiled. She placed her hand on his forehead, "You have no fever, so that must mean you haven't contracted an infection. That is good news."

Sarah fussed over him to cover the embarrassment she felt at his words. Then deciding it would be best to be honest with him, "I saw no need in wearing those clothes since you all saw me dressed otherwise on the trail. But, I'm still not interested in the flirtations of the men of this fort." She didn't mean for her voice to be so harsh, but she wanted him to understand. She softened her words when she continued, "As soon as you are healed, I will return to my home, to my betrothed."

He heard the way her voice changed with the words and how she emphasized the word betrothed. "Is that why you covered your beauty? Any man who forced his affection once he was told you were to be married would be dealt with as he should be. I would have personally seen to it." He didn't like having to say it, but he did not want to cause her any discomfort, for she would leave and possibly never come back.

"Is that why you kissed me when I told you I didn't wish it? The question was asked in a whisper. Her boldness surprised him, "I apologize for that day, Sarah, but in my defense, I did not know then that you were betrothed to another." He saw her face relax and felt the necessity to add, "Also, in my defense, I could not help myself. You looked so vulnerable that day, I only meant to show you that I would be your friend and when I saw the sadness in your eyes, it seemed the right thing to do."

"So, it was a kiss of pity for a girl that had no friends, who was alone and you thought her lonely? Nothing more?" Her words confused him. She said she didn't want unwanted attention, then she seemed upset because she thought he wasn't interested in her. "No, Sarah, I did not kiss you for pity. I kissed you because I found you irresistible. I am not so big a man that I would kiss a girl, a woman, out of pity. Even I must desire her to go so far." He hesitated for only a moment, then added, "I know you think little of me and my brothers for our ways, but we are not what we appear to be. Someday, when I am healed I will tell you about us, but not tonight. I'm tired and would like to sleep."

She saw him settle back down and close his eyes. She moved to sit on the chair and he opened his eyes, "You do not have to stay. I will be fine. Thank you for staying as you did, but it is no longer necessary." He then closed his eyes and she felt out of place sitting next to him as he slept. She slowly got up and walked to the door. She looked back before she opened the door, but his eyes stayed closed, so she left the room and headed toward her own.

She had meant to clear the air between them when she asked about the kiss, but all she felt she had done was put a wall between them. He thought she despised him for his ways. Which in all honesty, she once did. But not now. She had seen how they had treated her when they saved her from the Woads. They were brave and they fought hard in battle. They never hesitated when the Woads attacked. They rode headlong into the fray without regard for their own lives, as Gawain's wound proved.

Until her rescue all she had ever seen of them was in the tavern, drinking and chasing the wenches. She had the impression that they thought a great deal of themselves with little regard for the people they came into contact with. She knew now that was not the case. These thoughts followed her as she walked across the courtyard. She really didn't want to face the crowd at the tavern just yet so she walked to the top of the wall. She stood there looking at the countryside, lost in her thoughts.

Tristan was standing on the wall scanning the horizon for any signs of trouble. The Woads had been attacking Roman villages close to the wall and he worried that they would become brave enough to attack the fort itself. He saw Sarah climb the stairs to the battlement and lean over the turret to gaze across the countryside. He watched her for a couple of minutes, then decided to go talk to her.

When Tristan stepped up beside her, she did not acknowledge his presence. "Lady, is Gawain not fairing well?" He saw her jump when he spoke, "I'm sorry, I did not mean to startle you." She saw that it was the knight who had fought the Woads until the others arrived. "No, he's doing fine. And you didn't really startle me, I just didn't expect anyone to be up here. Did I disturb you?"

Tristan regarded her for a moment, "No, Lady. I was just looking out as you are." Dag said that his wound had stopped bleeding finally and that he was resting." He saw the confused look at Dag's name. "Dag is short for Dagonet. It gets cumbersome calling each other by our full names sometimes, so over the years we've shortened some of them." He shrugged to show it was no big deal, and saw her nod. "I'm sorry, Sir, I don't remember your name. When the Woads attacked, it just escaped my mind. Forgive me."

"Think nothing of it. My name is Tristan." He heard her repeat his name in a whisper and cocked his head questioningly. "I find it easier to remember something when I repeat it, otherwise I'll be asking your name each time we speak. It is a weakness of mine, remembering names. I remember faces, but names just won't stick unless I do the little trick." She smiled and he saw that Gawain was indeed right, she was prettier than any of them had believed. He could understand how the man had gotten caught up in her affairs.

"Arthur says you are still going home, even though he explained how the Saxons conduct themselves in battle. Do you think it wise?" He watched her as she turned back toward the countryside, "It is something I must do. How will I ever know for certain if I have anyone left if I stay here? They probably think I perished in the attack, I have been gone for almost six months as it is." He understood her desire to know, but felt compelled to point out, "Do you think they would have searched for you if they were alive?" He knew the question sounded harsh, even to his own ears.

"If they knew where to look, yes. But I am a long way from home and I doubt they would think to look this far south. I still wonder how I came to be so far. It took me almost two months to make it and I'll admit I wasn't in the greatest shape when I arrived." She gave a rueful laugh before she finished, "I still had on the clothes that I left home in and I only bathed a few times because I was afraid to stop long enough. I think I probably wandered around aimlessly for quite a while. I had never been very far from the village and I kept getting lost." She sounded ashamed of the fact that she wasn't a very good traveler and was rather ignorant of how to get along on her own.

"Lady, I think you did pretty well. Two months alone traveling through Britain is not easy for a seasoned traveler. You survived, that is all that should matter to anyone." He rarely complimented anyone, but his words were true, she had done well just to survive. "Well, Lady, I am going to return to the tavern. Enjoy your solitude and I will see you again." He bowed slightly and turned to leave. "Thank you, Sir Tristan. Sometimes it helps just to talk to someone without feeling that you have to explain your every move." He nodded and left the wall. She was different than he had first thought. Maybe she just needed to feel that someone was on her side. Shrugging, he headed toward the tavern.

Sarah spent a while longer enjoying the fresh air and scenery, then she headed toward the tavern to help Vanora clean up after the evening crowd. When she got there, she found that all but the knights and one or two soldiers were gone. The serving girls were beginning the cleaning ritual and she stepped in and started to help. She had only scrubbed a couple of tables when Vanora came up to her, "Sarah, you didn't have to come back, Dag told me you were sitting with Gawain. Now go ahead and get some rest. You can come back in the morning and work for awhile before you go back to take care of him."

She started to tell her that she wouldn't be sitting with him anymore. She would just stop by and check on him from time to time, but Vanora was steadily pushing her toward her room. She finally relented and just went to rest. It had been a long day after all. She quickly undressed and put on her night shift and climbed into her bed. She thought she would lay awake thinking about everything she had been told, but it wasn't long before she had drifted into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	10. Sweet Pain

Thanks to all who read and especially to all who take a moment to let me know they're reading. Hope you let me know if I begin to cause you to lose interest with all my drabble, but sometimes I just get lost in my own world…

Disclaimer: If only… but since I don't, I write about them for fun. No money has or will change hands for this story.

Gawain woke the next morning feeling hungry. He was trying to decide how he could get up and go in search of something to eat when there was a knock on the door and then it opened to allow entry to the woman carrying a tray of food. "Good, you're awake. I hope you're hungry. I didn't know what you liked so I fixed some of everything, bacon, eggs, bread and hot porridge with butter and honey." Sarah spoke cheerfully. She wanted to let him know that she wasn't upset by their conversation and hoped he wouldn't be either.

He watched her place the tray on the table and noted that she was smiling. He decided she should smile more often, it lit her face and made even the room seem suddenly brighter. "Actually, I am hungry. Thank you." He tried to sit up a little and found his shoulder was still too stiff and painful to do much with his left arm. She came hurrying over and offered her hands to help him. "Thank you, I'm a little stiff from just lying here for so long." She helped him sit and placed his pillow behind his back to support him. When she made sure he was comfortable and not in pain, she went back and got his tray and placed it in his lap, removing the cloth that was covering the food.

He took a bite of the eggs and found his mouth watering for more. He felt he should carry on a conversation but found he didn't want to stop eating long enough. He saw that she was just sitting in the chair by the bed, watching him eat. He swallowed the bite he had in his mouth and took a drink of the wine in his cup. He wrinkled his nose and she smiled. "I mixed it with water. The last thing you need is to get drunk with your breakfast. I don't think you'd enjoy having a sick stomach on top of your shoulder." He returned the smile, "Thank you. Breakfast is delicious, but you didn't have to do this. I could have made do with just some porridge and bread."

When he finished speaking, she stood up and reached for the plate, "I'm sorry, if you only wanted porridge, you didn't have to eat the rest." He thought she was teasing, but he reached for the plate anyway. She wasn't smiling, but her eyes had a special glint. "No, this is fine." He started, then he saw the corners of her mouth quivering with trying to hide her amusement. "Oh, in a joking mood are we?" He let his smile show his amusement and she laughed. "Serves you right. I slaved over a hot fire this morning to make this and you sounded like you didn't appreciate it." This time her smile belied her words.

Sarah noticed he had almost finished every bite, "If you'd like more, I can fetch it for you. It will only take a few minutes." She offered. "As tempting as that sounds, I think I've had plenty. Thank you again. I really appreciate your effort." He put emphasis on the last sentence mocking her earlier statement. He was glad he did when she responded with her smile, "You're very welcome, Sir Knight, it was the least I could do when you endangered your life to keep me safe." He could tell that although she smiled, she really meant what she said.

"No thanks are needed, Milady. All in a days work for a knight such as myself." He told her with an answering smile. If he didn't know better he would think she was flirting with him and he found that he liked it more than a little bit. But he would have to be careful and not scare her like he did the first day. She took the tray and placed it on the table next to the bed. He tried to reach around and get his pillow from behind his back and found he couldn't reach it without straining his shoulder. She quickly came over and moved it as she helped him lower himself back to lie down.

She leaned over him and looked at his bandages. As she did so, her hair fell forward almost brushing his face. He wanted to reach up and take a handful and run his fingers through it, but he knew she wouldn't like it if he did. "Your bandages need to be changed." She stated simply. "They are not soaked, but your wound has been seeping and it will be worse if the blood dries. Would you like to wait for Dagonet or will you allow me to do it?" She looked at his face and he saw the question mirrored in her eyes.

"You can do it, if you don't mind. I promise I won't be a horrible patient." She saw him smile and moved to get some more of the bandages that Dag had left on the table. She was trying to find a knife to cut the ties that Dag had made the day before and Gawain told her, "My dagger is lying on top of my clothes over in the corner." She went over and picked it up, noticing his torn and blood stained tunic and trousers. "When I finish with this I'll take your clothes and wash them for you. If they aren't cleaned soon the stains might not come out. I'll try to mend the holes as well, but I must warn you, I'm not the best seamstress."

"Don't worry about it, I don't want you to feel you have to do these things." He was watching her face as she unbound his shoulder. He was amused by the way she bit her lower lip when she was concentrating. He wondered what her reaction would be if he nibbled on her lip and had to turn away as he felt his body react to the imagined response. He couldn't remember ever restraining his actions with another woman the way he was trying to with Sarah. If he wanted to kiss one of the other women in the fort, he just did. But he had found out first hand what happened when he did that with her. She ran like a scared rabbit and he didn't want to risk it while he was laid up in bed. He didn't know if the others would try to bring her back.

When she had unbound his shoulder, she checked the wound, both front and back and found no fresh blood. The bandage was stained pink, which was to be expected, but there was no bright red stains. The wound had sealed itself and the healing had begun. "It looks good considering how bad it was yesterday. She took a piece of the cloth and wet it in the bowl on the table. She then lightly washed around the area, removing any dried blood that was left. The blood had run down his chest and back, so she washed as much of it off as she could without moving the covers. She knew Dag and Galahad had undressed him and she didn't know what if anything covered him underneath the blankets.

After she finished washing, she took another piece and dried the skin, lightly blowing to help it dry. She didn't want to bandage wet skin, it could cause infection or cause the bleeding to start back up. She saw him close his eyes tightly, "I'm sorry if I'm causing you pain," she said softly, "but I'm almost through."

He opened his eyes and almost told her that the only pain he felt was from having to restrain the desire to take her in his arms. It was hard enough to let her rub the wet cloth over his skin, but when she blew her breath over it, he had to close his eyes in frustration. "I'm fine. Pain is a good thing. It lets me know I'm alive." 'Even the sweet pain you're causing,' he finished silently.

He saw her smile as she applied some of Dag's salve to the wound. Then she placed a clean piece of cloth on both sides and wrapped the long strips around his chest and over the top of his shoulder, tying them in place. When she finished, she helped him ease back into the prone position to rest. "I hope it didn't hurt too much. But you should be fine until tomorrow now. Unless you need me for something else, I need to go to the tavern, I promised I'd help Vanora today."

He wanted to tell her that he did indeed need her, but it wouldn't be fair to her when all he wanted was for her to be near. It was torture to have her so close and not be able to touch her, but it was a sweet torture. He slowly shook his head, "Thank you Sarah." Was all he said as she gathered the tray and dirty bandages to take with her. Before she turned to leave, she told him, "I'll be back later this evening. As long as you're abed Vanora is letting me work the early shift so I can help with your care. That isn't a problem, is it? If it is, my feelings won't be hurt, just tell me and I can swap back and work nights."

"No, Sarah, I'd like for you to come back later." He watched her smile and felt good about this visit. It had ended on a more positive note than the one the night before. He watched her leave and relaxed, closing his eyes. He would rest as much as he could until time for her to come back. Then he would try to tell her some things about himself as well as finding out about her. He really wanted to get to know her better and hoped she felt the same.

Sarah took a moment to catch her breath. She wasn't expecting the way her heart had raced as she waited for his answer to her question of whether or not to return. She hadn't realized she had been holding her breath until she released it when he told her yes. Why it mattered whether or not he wanted her to come she didn't understand. She was going to do what she could while he was sick whether he wanted it or not. But it made her happy that he did. She hurried toward the kitchen to unload the tray so she could go to work. She found herself looking forward to the time that she could come back and see him again. She didn't want to think about why she looked forward to it, she just did.


	11. Eavesdropping

Thanks for all the great reviews! I would love to address each individually, but since I'm working fifty hours this weekend I really just need to get some sleep! Hope You like this chapter as much as the last…

Oh, and I still own squat!

Vanora looked up when Sarah came into the tavern. The girl was humming a tune and smiling as she walked. She thought for a moment and realized this was the first time she had ever witnessed the girl being, well, just happy. "You're in a fine mood this morning. Gawain must be doing better." She greeted Sarah. "He is, Vanora. He ate the biggest breakfast this morning and he didn't look so pale." She replied as she grabbed a rag and started wiping down the tables.

"You mean he was well enough to get up and go eat?" Vanora knew better, Bors had already told her that Sarah was in the kitchen bright and early personally making Gawain's food. She just wanted to see how Sarah would explain it. "No, almost, but not quite. He should be up and about tomorrow or the next day." She didn't explain anything. At least, she didn't tell Vanora why she had felt it necessary to fix his food herself instead of having one of the cooks do it for her. The only time a woman cooked for a man was when she was trying to impress him.

Vanora occupied her mind as she worked, wondering if the girl knew she was attracted to Gawain. Considering the heartbreak she faced if she took the trip home, she hoped she realized it before she left. At least she would have a strong arm to lean on when she got there.

The two women quickly took care of all the morning duties, even having a little time to take a break before the first group was expected to eat the mid-day meal. Vanora had taken care of making the stew and the smell of fresh bread was wafting through the air. Sarah sat at one of the tables with Vanora. She watched the other woman play with her baby. She was amazed at how the woman could handle everything she did. Eleven children, a demanding lover, and a tavern to run! It was amazing that she could have the energy to bounce the baby and still laugh.

Number Eleven let out a huge squeal, causing both women to laugh just as Galahad and Bors came into the tavern, followed closely by Lancelot. "Is this all you two can find to do with yourselves this fine day?" Lancelot asked cheekily. Vanora gave a snort, "We've probably done more this morning than the rest of you will do the whole day!" Then she handed the baby to Bors, "Here take him, and I'll get your food." Lancelot was grinning, "And who'll get mine?"

Vanora scoffed, "For my part, you can get it yourself." Sarah saw him turn to her with his eyebrow raised. "Fine, I'll get it, but you'd better appreciate the effort." "Maybe I should get shot, then you could bring me a meal to my bed?" She shot him a scathing look, "What does that mean?" She asked quietly.

"Oh, nothing, I just heard that Gawain got served a huge breakfast by a very pretty maiden this morning." He replied innocently. She started to say something hateful, then shrugging her shoulders, she said as she walked away, "Somebody has to make sure he eats so he can heal. Remember, I'm stuck here until he's well enough to travel."

He watched her walk away, then shook his head. When was she going to see that she was attracted to his friend. He knew Gawain was interested in her, all the signs were there. If there was anything he could do to push them in the right direction, he would do it. He was trying to come up with a plan when she came back and put the bowl of stew in front of him. He had decided that the only way to help bring the two together was to stay on her good side. "Thank you, Sarah. And thank you for helping take care of Gawain. I didn't mean anything before, I just like to tease." Then he smiled at her, "You're such an easy target."

He saw her face change from being aggravated to being suspicious. He waited for his smile to have the desired effect, then he saw her features soften and knew he'd won. "That's alright, but in the future, I'd appreciate it if you would find someone else to tease." The smile she flashed made him realize just what Gawain found intriguing about her. After she walked off to wait on someone else, he went back to his planning as he ate the stew. He'd probably have to get the help of some of the other knights if this was going to work. He'd have to check around and see which ones would be willing to get involved.

The noon crowd had finally begun to leave and Sarah was in the wash room cleaning up all the dishes for the evening crowd. She wanted to hurry and get through so she could take Gawain his evening meal. Dagonet had told her that he was in good spirits when he visited him before coming to eat. He'd thanked her for changing the bandage and said the wound was healing nicely. He agreed that he'd be up and about by the next day and she was looking forward to seeing him around the tavern again. It had been a little boring without him in the group.

If she'd taken the time to analyze her thoughts, she would have wondered that most of them were about the blonde knight. It would have frightened her to think she was getting so wrapped up in the man. It would have been enough for her to break her word and run again. She wouldn't have taken the time to remember that running wouldn't solve her problem. She was falling in love and nothing she could do would change the fact. No amount of guilt would belie what was truth.

She was almost through when Vanora told her to go ahead, she'd finish up the washing. Sarah started to protest, then realized she really did want to leave. She thanked the older woman and pulled her apron off and headed toward her room. She wanted to change into her pants and tunic and straighten her hair before she went to see him. For some reason, she wanted to wear a dress, but since the only one she had was extremely dirty, she knew it would have to be britches.

She walked through the hallway in the knight's quarters and heard Gawain laugh. She wondered who could be saying something so funny when she heard Lancelot's voice. She stopped and shamelessly eavesdropped. "I'm telling you she is interested. Why else would she fix your breakfast herself?" She heard Lancelot say. Listen as carefully as she might, she couldn't hear what Gawain said in answer. All she heard was Lancelot laugh as he said, "We'll see Brother, we'll see."

When she heard movement, she rushed back toward the hallway so she wouldn't be caught listening. She waited a few moments, mostly to catch her breath, then headed back toward the room. When she got there, she knocked and heard Gawain call, "Come on in." When she stepped into the room Lancelot was sitting in a chair looking extremely innocent and Gawain was sitting on the side of the bed dressed in only his pants. "Hello Sarah. Lancelot says the stew is better than average today. Did you make it?"

It was then that she remembered that in her haste to get to his room, she had forgotten to go back to the kitchen to get his food. "No, Vanora made it. I thought you might feel like going to the tavern to eat, so I didn't bring any with me." It was a good thing she could think fast. "So, you up to a short walk?" She saw Lancelot start to shake his head so she put her hands on her hips, "Look, even Dag said he would be able to be up and around no later than in the morning. All we're going to do is walk slowly to the tavern, he can sit and eat a bowl of stew, then we'll walk back as soon as he feels the least bit tired."

Lancelot held up his hands in surrender, "Fine, I'll come along, just to make sure he doesn't need someone to carry him back later." He thought she was rushing things, maybe to head toward home sooner. Well, not if he could help it. He saw as Gawain began to protest, he furrowed his brow toward the other man to stop him. He quickly shut up and looked from Lancelot to Sarah. She was looking at Lancelot with suspicion.

She thought the two of them were up to something, at least Lancelot was, and Gawain was reluctant to go against him. She would make sure to keep a close eye on them for the rest of the night.

The three of them walked into the tavern to cheers from all the knights sitting around their usual table. Gawain gave a slight bow of his head and sat in his usual seat while Sarah went to the kitchen to get his evening meal. When she returned he was laughing and talking with Galahad. She noticed that Galahad gave her a strange look when she walked up to the table. She knew he didn't like her and even understood why. But she thought he should understand that she was sorry about what had happened. She didn't like being the object of such dislike and made a mental note to talk to him sometime in the near future.

Gawain pulled out the chair next to his for her to sit down. She hesitated, "I really should help Vanora for a little while. She really looks harried right now." He nodded and she told him, "If you get ready to leave before I come back, just let me know and I'll tell Vanora I have to leave." He nodded again and she headed toward Vanora to offer her help. She glanced back to the table and saw that Lancelot and Bors had their heads together. Once or twice she saw Bors look in her direction, then he'd lean back toward Lancelot and nod. Whatever Lancelot was up to, it seemed he was recruiting help.

As she worked the room, she tried to figure out why he seemed so intent on the two of them getting involved. She had made it well known that she was in love with someone else and she thought that Gawain was only trying to help her get back home. She was willing to admit that there was an attraction between them, but that was all it was and she thought they both understood that nothing could ever happen between them. At least she knew that and until today she had thought he felt the same way.

She thought back to the time she had spent around him, trying to figure out what, if anything, she could have done that might give him the idea that there might be a chance of some kind of relationship. Even if he was interested. It was probably only a physical thing on his part and even if she wasn't betrothed to Derek, she would never settle for warming a man's bed and nothing more. She wondered if she should just talk to him about what she had overheard. Then remembering how badly the discussion had gone when she confronted him about the kiss he had given her, she decided she would just have to be careful what she said and did around him.


	12. What To Do?

Thanks to all who reviewed:

Devonshirelass: Exactly, you never hear what you think you heard! But this chapter only makes it worse… enjoy!

lucillaq: I'll try! But sometimes I just ramble… let me know when I do (like you did this time!)

LANCELOTTRISTANBABY: Hope you like this one.

Babaksmiles: Actually, I haven't decided what his response will be or even if I'm going to let him be alive. Suggestions?

Author's Note: I'm going to be working a lot of hours for the next couple of week (can't turn down that overtime!) but I'll try to update a couple of times each week. Hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing. My husband actually said he enjoyed reading the first few chapters one day while I was working! And he's a picky reader. I was so pleased I was on cloud nine all day when he told me.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything as wonderful as the legend of King Arthur and his knights. What luck! Huh?

When the crowd had finally been served and was settled down a bit, she went back to the table and plopped down next to Gawain. "How're you feeling?" She asked him when he looked at her. "A little tired, maybe, but other than that I'm fine." He looked at her for a moment and said, "You look tired. I know you have to get up early tomorrow. Do you want to go so you can get some rest?" She thought for a bit, then replied, "No, I just want to sit for a while. My feet hurt and my shoulders are a bit tense. We can stay as long as you feel like it." He nodded and turned back to Bors, who had asked him a question.

The group sat around for quite a while after she sat down and she found herself fascinated by the tales of their adventures. She watched as Galahad and Tristan threw knives at the chair they had set on a nearby table and noted that both of them were good. Tristan was the better of the two, but she had no doubt that either of them could kill with a single throw if the need arose. She wondered how it would feel to know that she could take care of herself as these men did. It had to instill confidence in someone to know that should the need arise, they could handle themselves and have a better than average chance of surviving.

After a bit, she leaned forward and put her head in her hands so her neck could relax a bit. She watched Gawain out of the corner of her eye and noted that he was extremely handsome, with a confident air about him. She remembered the feel of his lips on hers and wondered how it would feel if he earnestly tried to satisfy the lust he awakened in her body. She didn't know how long it took, but she soon drifted off to sleep. She awoke a few minutes later when she heard someone calling her name.

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear what you asked." She said sleepily. Gawain smiled, "I asked if you were about ready to go." "Only if you are." She told him. "Well, since you were already asleep in your chair, I'm guessing we'd better. You know I can't carry you home." She started to tell him that she didn't need him or anyone else to carry her home, but remembering the argument from the night before, she decided to just let it pass.

They made their way slowly out of the tavern and toward his room. Before they had made it more than half way, he stopped and turned to Sarah, "You know you don't have to go all the way back to my room. You'll have to just turn around and go back to the tavern to get to yours." He searched her face for some sign that Lancelot was correct in his assumption that Sarah had feelings for him.

She took a few minutes to say anything and during that time he saw the hesitation in her eyes. Was she hesitating because she didn't really want to go with him or because she did? If only he could just ask her and get it over with. He hated this uncertainty. He wasn't used to having to second guess his life, his feelings, or his thoughts. Finally, she shrugged, "I don't mind. I wouldn't be able to go to sleep unless I knew you'd made it without problems anyway. Unless you just don't want me to go…"

She had let her sentence trail off, waiting for confirmation, one way or another. She took a breath of relief when he told her, "I'd appreciate, no, I'd like for you to come with me." He saw her smile and thought he saw relief in her features. Then they started walking again, both lost in their own thoughts, both trying to think of something to say that would relieve the tension between them.

Once they were inside his room, Sarah straightened his bed and stepped outside the room while he undressed and got in. She gave him as long as she thought it would take, then she knocked gently to warn him that she would be coming back in. When she stepped back in she found him sitting on the side of the bed, still in his pants and shirt. She raised her eyebrows in question and he smiled sheepishly, "I couldn't get my shirt off by myself. Will you get Lancelot or one of the others to help me?"

She watched him for a minute, then sighing, "Here, I'll help you. By the time I find one of them and get back we'll have wasted the better part of an hour." He could see how tired she was and suddenly felt bad about letting Lancelot talk him into this little farce. But he had been persuasive, saying the more Gawain appeared to rely on her, the easier it would be to get her to realize how much she had come to care. Well, it was too late to back out now. But Gawain was surprised just how much the man seemed to understand the heart of a woman.

She unlaced his shirt and helped him pull his good arm out, then told him to hold his other arm still while she pulled it over his head. From there it was easy to pull it off his arm without hurting his shoulder. She pulled his boots off, then his socks. He saw her hesitate when it came time to pull his pants off. Then he saw the determination in her face as she told him to lie back so she could unlace the waist. He could tell she was concerned about what he was or was not wearing underneath, so he said, "If it helps any, I have on underpants." He tried to hide his smile, but he knew she had seen it when she replied, "Not that it matters, you wouldn't be the first man I've seen without pants."

"And just how many men have you seen?" He only half-teased. She stopped what she was doing and looked at him. Her expression wasn't what he expected. He'd expected indignation or maybe even anger at his forward question. Instead he saw hurt in her eyes. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. It is none of my business." His nonchalant tone belied the seriousness of his features.

"You're right. You shouldn't have asked and no, it isn't any of your business." He finally saw the flash of anger in her eyes. "But to answer your question, two. My brother and my betrothed." Then she resumed untying his pants. "I'm sure you can't give the same answer." He saw her take her bottom lip between her teeth again and knew she was only trying to make conversation to take her mind off what she was doing. It suddenly bothered him that she knew him to be somewhat of a womanizer. 'Hell, be honest with yourself, you are a womanizer, or at least you were until you met Sarah.'

He then realized that since he had met her, he hadn't even thought about any of the other women in the fort. It had been at least a week since he'd been with any of them and it didn't bother him in the least that he'd been alone in his bed for that long. He hadn't noticed that she had stopped and was looking at him with a strange expression on her face. Then he saw that she was waiting for him to move so she could help pull his pants down. He gave her a small shrug and turned slightly to the right and raised his hips up, leaning on his right elbow. She tugged the legs of his pants until they slipped over his hips, then he let his weight back down as she pulled them the rest of the way off.

He saw her take the time to fold them neatly, then she helped him pull the blanket up to his waist. "There, now I'll be back in the morning with your breakfast. Do you need some water or anything until then?" He wanted to tell her all he needed was for her to climb under the covers so he could hold her against him while she slept. He needed to feel her head against his shoulder and smell her hair. He needed for her to stay. But instead, he said, "No, I'm fine. Thank you for your help. I'll see you in the morning, then." She nodded and went to the door and closed it behind her as she left. All told, Lancelot had been right. But that could be because it wasn't a lie. He did need her. Maybe not to wait on him hand and foot because he was unable to do for himself. But because she had worked her way into his heart as well as his thoughts. He sighed and closed his eyes. It would be a long night with her gone.

Sarah left the room and the man that haunted her both day and night. Whenever she was away from him, all she did was think about him. Then when she was with him, all she could do was try to keep her distance. If she didn't, she knew she would give away the fact that he affected her more than any other man. More than Derek. She walked to the top of the wall and looked across the field below. She closed her eyes and tried to bring Derek's face to her eyes, but all she saw was the smiling face of the blonde man she'd just left. If only she'd never left her village. She wouldn't be plagued by the uncertainty she now felt.

She thought back to her life before she'd left. How certain she was that she wanted to spend her life with the man she'd known since childhood. How she had worshiped him and thought he was the greatest man in the world, except her father and brother, of course. Now she saw the things about him that sullied the perfect image she had held in her heart. How he always thought he had to be the best at everything. How he'd resorted to belittling the other boys if they bested him at anything while they were growing up. How he'd always wanted to know exactly where she was at all times. How he'd argued with her brother that she needed to be tamed and not allowed to hang around with the boys of the village. How she should be with the women and learning how to take care of her husband. All of those traits would turn her away now. How had she ignored them before? Or, more accurate, how had she not seen them before?

The breeze blowing across the wall blew her hair about her face and she pushed it away almost angrily. Then she pulled it up off her neck and felt the cool air against the warmth of her neck. Hadn't it only been a few days ago that she had turned her nose in disgust at the way Gawain had acted at the tavern? Always flirting. Always trying to lure women into his bed. Now she saw his actions as a way to cover the loneliness he felt. The same as a healing salve covered an open wound to help keep the pain away. Getting to know him better only made her question everything she'd believed up to this moment. Had she really been so wrong in her self-righteous beliefs? Could she go back home now and continue the plans she'd thought so important before, knowing what she now knew?

Suddenly tired and disgusted with herself for living a lie for so long, she leaned her forehead on the cold stone before her. How had her life become so messed up? She knew she had feelings for the man lying in his bed inside the fort. She also realized that the feelings she thought she had for Derek were only a shadow of what they should be. She hadn't truly loved him. She had only been in love with the thought of being in love. That's why she had felt so little when he'd made love to her that one time. The kiss that Gawain had given her had made her stomach flutter and made her yearn for more. She had no doubt that she would not feel the disappointment with him that she'd felt with Derek. And not because he was more experienced. It was because the desire ran deeper. The desire came from her heart.

She heard the footsteps before she saw anyone coming. When she turned to see who was coming her way she saw that it was Galahad. He was staggering slightly and she was afraid he might stumble and fall off the top. When he stopped beside her, she expected some kind of scathing remark, instead, he just glanced at her before turning to look across the field as she had when she arrived. After several minutes of silence, with only the sound of their breathing and a random call from some bird flying overhead, he finally spoke to her.

"Sarah, can you not see that Gawain is infatuated with you? Do you not care that he will chance being killed to do what you ask of him?" He didn't sound angry, only sad, that she held his friend with such little regard. She thought about what he said, "Galahad, I think you are mistaken about Gawain's feelings. He is only doing what he thinks he should as a knight and maybe, as a man who thinks a woman should be coddled and treated with a certain amount of reverence. I don't think his intentions go any further than that." She told him, keeping the sadness of her thoughts hidden.

"Then you truly don't know Gawain as I do. He would help any woman in need, that part is correct, but if you would just look into his eyes when he sees you enter a room, you'd know that there is much more than just being chivalrous. He's falling in love with you, if he hasn't already fallen." She saw him turn toward her as he finished. "Think about it. Watch him and you will see. But don't use those feelings to cause him pain, either physical or mental or I will never forgive you. He is more than my friend and fellow knight. He is my brother in every way except blood." Then he turned and walked away from her, not staggering at all, she noticed as he headed down the steps.


	13. Rejection?

Thanks for the reviews! Would love to take the time to answer all of them, but must leave for work in thirty minutes and I still have to shower and dress! But suffice it to say, you all have a handle on the situation and I think you all know where the relationship is going… but, as with all relationships, there will be new problems and obstacles along the way. Here's the next installment… and, I still don't own the legend or the story of Arthur or any of his knights! Sigh…

Sarah was the first person to enter the kitchen the next morning. The sun had just slipped above the horizon when she'd left the wall. She had spent the rest of the quiet night sitting up there, her back against the cold stone, thinking about what Galahad had told her. She was afraid to hope he was right, but she had finally come to the decision that he knew more about the man of her thoughts than she did. Then as she fixed his breakfast, she had decided that this morning she would find out the truth. One way or the other, she would know if there was a chance the love that had bloomed in her heart could be returned. If not, then she would deal with it.

She arranged the food on the tray and covered it with a cloth. She knew she needed to stop by her room and refresh. The lack of sleep surely could be seen on her face and the slight breeze she had enjoyed had picked up to blow her hair until it was a mass of tangles all over her head. But, she was sure he'd seen her look much worse and if he did have feelings for her, he'd have to get used to how she looked at her worst as well as her best.

She met only one or two people in the hall as she made her way to his room. It was still early, but having made up her mind sometime before dawn, she wouldn't make herself wait any longer. She knocked once gently, then opened the door, and stepped into the still dark room. She quietly walked over and placed the tray on the table beside his bed. She looked at him and saw him sleeping peacefully, his mouth slightly open as he snored gently. Smiling, she stepped closer to him and spoke softly, "Wake up, sleepyhead."

His only response was a gentle snort as his breathing was interrupted. She reached down and gently placed her hand on his face. He seemed to snuggle into her palm as he brought his arm up to encircle her waist, drawing her closer. She found herself wishing he knew it was her waist he had grabbed, but thought it more likely that he was having a dream about some other woman. She struggled gently to move a little and called his name a little louder. "Gawain, it's Sarah. I've brought you some food."

Then she pulled her hand away from his face and gently nudged his shoulder. His eyes opened slowly and she saw recognition in his eyes. "Sarah." Was all he said as he closed his eyes and smiled. The way he'd said her name made a chill run up her spine. He had sounded so sweet, so content. She quickly pulled out of his embrace and rattled the tray to get his attention. "Come on, Gawain, it's time to eat. Then I'll take the bandage off your wound. It probably is closed enough now that it needs to get some air."

Gawain had been dreaming when he opened his eyes and saw her standing over him with her hand on his face. In his dream, she had realized she loved him and had come to confess how she felt. Then he had pulled her into bed with him and was snuggling against her. He'd hoped it hadn't been a dream, but since it obviously was, oh well, at least she was here. He smiled groggily at her. "I'm not hungry. I just want to sleep a little longer."

Returning the smile, "Now, come on. You've been lying around too long, you'll get soft." She reached for his blanket, but before she had more than wrapped her fingers around the material, he grabbed her around the waist and rolled her onto the bed. "If you don't let me sleep, then I'll just keep you as my prisoner until I get the sleep I want!" He didn't open his eyes until he realized she wasn't putting up a struggle. When he opened his eyes he saw her staring back at him with eyes so wide open that he could see the whites all the way around. Her pupils were dilated so that he almost couldn't see the beautiful green color. He felt her trembling in his hold. Her reaction was anything but what he'd been prepared for and it frightened him to think she was afraid he'd hurt her.

"Sarah, are you alright? I was only teasing." He released her so she could get up, but still she lay perfectly still. Gawain made a move to sit up, "Sarah, say something." He took her hand in his and she sat up, jerking her hand from his as she did. "What were you thinking? You could have opened your wound again." She admonished him. She climbed off the bed and began to nervously straighten her skirt. She hoped he hadn't felt her heart pounding in her chest. She had thought he meant to kiss her when he grabbed her and she had waited, only to be confused when he released her so suddenly. She turned to the tray to hide her embarrassment. It was plain that he hadn't been interested in kissing her, only teasing her.

She felt him put his hands on her shoulders and stiffened automatically to hide what his touch made her feel. He turned her toward him, "Sarah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. It was kind of stupid, but I thought I'd surprise you with how well I'm feeling, thanks to your care." She looked up into his eyes and saw his concern. As much as she wanted to tell him she wasn't afraid, she just couldn't make her voice work. She lowered her eyes, trying to get control of herself and felt him release her and step back. Sarah finally got control of herself and raised her eyes to look at him.

Gawain felt her stiffen at his touch and he thought he'd messed up again. She couldn't even look at him and he'd let her go when she looked away. He was about to go back to the bed when she looked up and he saw the expression on her face. If he hadn't known better, he'd have thought it was desire he saw there. She kept her eyes focused on his as she took a step forward, closing the distance he had put between them. She reached up and touched his cheek as she said his name. That was all she said, but he heard the question in her tone. He reached out and moved a strand of her hair over her shoulder, then he cupped her face and lowered his lips to gently touch hers. He felt her lips tremble as she parted them beneath his. When he increased the pressure just a bit, he felt her raise her arms and wrap them around his neck.

Releasing her face, he wrapped his arms around her possessively and kissed her with all the pent up passion he'd held in check since she'd been visiting him as he recovered. Her response to his kiss made the spark of desire start to burn slowly and he reluctantly pulled away to look into her eyes. He heard her moan softly as he released her lips, "Sarah?" he whispered and saw her eyes slowly open. He saw them sparkle with her desire and he lowered his head to quickly capture her lips in a more passionate kiss.

As they kissed, his hands ran from her shoulder to her waist and he felt her slightly arch toward him. Without breaking the kiss, he swung her into his arms and stepped toward the bed. As he gently lowered her down, he moved to kiss her from her jaw line to her collar bone. She turned her head and moaned. "Oh, Sarah." He whispered breathlessly as he continued to nibble on her neck.

Sarah surprised herself when she reached up to touch Gawain's cheek. She had never felt so brazen in her life. But she had come here this morning to find out if he had feelings for her and she intended to see it through. If he didn't, she would deal with his rejection and her embarrassment later. When he began to kiss her, she knew he felt something. She just hoped it would be more than claiming another conquest, but with his lips on hers, she didn't know if she would stop him no matter what his reasons. She felt so alive in his arms. She moaned involuntarily when he pulled away and when he picked her up and said her name, she knew she would not be the one to break away from him. She would let him take her to his bed, even if it was for this one time.

Gawain felt her hands run across his shoulders and felt the touch lighten as she got near his wound. He kissed her lips, then raised his head. "As much as I want you right now, I will wait until I'm well and we've gone to your village. If your betrothed survived the attack, I don't want to be the cause of your guilt when you see him again." He saw her open her mouth to protest and placed his hand over her lips to silence her. "You have gone to such great lengths to remain faithful and if you find him, there will be no tension between us." Then he gently kissed the tip of her nose before slowly getting up.

He saw her close her eyes and take a deep breath, letting the air slowly slip past her lips. He could see the disappointment and knew he had left her senses reeling with the desire for satisfaction. But he would not give in to his own feelings. When he took her to his bed it would be completely. He wanted her mind and heart as well as her body. The feelings of dissatisfaction that had plagued him lately would never go away until he had what his father had found with his mother. He thought he might find it with Sarah. But not as long as she kept the hope that the man she was to marry was still alive.

He doubted she would ever love the man she thought him to be. He would spend the time it took to recover proving that he was more. He would spend this time winning her heart. Then if by some miracle, the man had survived, she could break it off with him and give herself to Gawain completely. He reached down and took her hand to help her get up. When she was standing in front of him, he ran his hands through her hair, "I'm sorry Sarah, I promised to be your friend and I will do nothing to make you think otherwise." He smiled and hugged her fiercely. "Now, what do you say to us going for breakfast together?"

As much as he had hoped for what almost happened, he wanted her to know that he loved her enough to wait until things could be right between them before he gave into his desire to love her completely. She already had a bad impression of him and he wanted her to know there was more to him than bedding women and drinking. Besides, he wasn't sure, but, he thought she was probably still a virgin. He would not let her first time be anything other than perfect between two people who loved each other. When he saw her embarrassed smile as she agreed to breakfast, he thought she understood what he was doing. He quickly started getting dressed. He wanted to get away from this bed as quickly as possible before he decided not to wait after all.

As they walked down the hall, he put his arm around her shoulders lightly so as not to seem overbearing. He wanted her to know he enjoyed being with her whether he ever took her to his bed. Well, maybe not ever, but until she was ready. He wondered at her silence, but assumed she still felt embarrassed at what had almost happened between them.

The security his gesture portrayed made her feel like the luckiest woman in the fortress. But she still didn't understand. If he had feelings for her as his friends said he did, why had he stopped and pushed her away? He said he'd be her friend. Maybe she had been the one who was right about why he was so eager to escort her. Maybe he was just being the grand knight taking care of the helpless maid. Oh, how she hoped not! She felt her face begin to blush as she remembered how she had responded to his petting. She had acted no different than the other wenches. The wenches she had condemned only days before. How ashamed she felt for being such a hypocrite. She vowed that no matter how much she came to love him before she left for home, she would do nothing to portray the kind of woman she had acted like before. She would be his friend and accept his friendship without thinking about what she had hoped would happen.


	14. Advice

Thanks to juju for letting me know I screwed up! So, to make up for it I'm also going to upload Chapter Fourteen as soon as I get the correct chapter thirteen up. Thanks, hope you like it.

When they stepped into the kitchen she saw that Lancelot was already there. He had graduated his flirting to the maidens that worked in the kitchen and she shook her head at how they were blushing and running to fetch whatever he wanted. Had she looked as flustered as they did now? How she hoped she hadn't, but she was ashamed to admit that more than likely she had. She stole a sideways glance at Gawain and saw him flash a grin at his friend. She followed his gaze and saw the smirk on Lancelot's face. So he thought her a conquest. She wanted to be angry at the assumption, but she couldn't, all she could feel was shame that he was basically right. She still didn't understand why the man standing beside her with his arm around her shoulder had backed away when she offered herself to him. Of all his possible reactions, that had not been one of them.

"Good morning. You two look mighty pleased with yourselves." Lancelot drawled lazily. Sarah quickly spoke up before Gawain could say anything, "Yes, pleased that Gawain is healing so quickly." She felt Gawain's arm stiffen a little and quickly stole a glance at him. She saw his smile hadn't changed and thought that maybe she had only imagined it. It seemed that maybe she would have been better off not trying to see if he had feelings for her. Now she was trying to find hidden meanings in everything he did. She had to get away from him and get herself back under control. When he sat down and pulled out a chair for her to join him she hesitated, "Actually, I'm not really hungry. Since Lancelot is here to keep you company, I think I'll go on over to the tavern and get a head start. I'll catch you later." She watched his face for any sign of disappointment. Seeing none, she turned to walk away.

She felt Gawain put his arm around her waist and gently tug her toward him. "I'll be over as soon as I find Dag and let him take these bandages off." He hugged her and she looked at Lancelot over the top of his head. She saw the confused look on his face until he noticed she was looking. He quickly replaced it with his usual smirk and she turned her attention back to the man before her. "Fine, I'll see you then." As soon as he released her, she headed toward the door leading into the courtyard. She was glad she wouldn't be there when he told Lancelot what had transpired between them only minutes before. How he had rejected her when she offered herself to him. How he only wanted to be her friend.

She felt the prickling of tears forming in her eyes and angrily wiped them away. Why was she being so stupid. He was only a man and she'd never let anyone affect her this way. She had always been so sure of what she wanted before and had been sure with time she would get what she wanted. 'Then why am I acting like a silly twit now?' she admonished silently. She was only reacting this way because of what Galahad had told her. She should have listened to her own head and she wouldn't have made such a fool of herself. A fool toward a man who, as far as she could remember, had never turned down one of the wenches at the tavern. 'Well, he has now.' She scoffed, feeling worse with each thought.

She made her way to the tavern, dreading all the mindless chatter she would face throughout the day. Then realized that all she needed to do was conduct herself as she always had. If she worked hard and planned for her trip home, she could get by without thinking about the man. She would be friendly, since that's what he desired. But she would only be marking time until she could go home. Then when he left, she would spend the rest of her life forgetting about him. Until then, she would think of everything else but him. Never again would she put herself in the position she had that morning.

When she got to the tavern, she began the morning routine, determined not to think about Gawain. Before long, she found that as long as her hands were kept busy, she could concentrate on what she was doing, just like she always had. The only difference was how she kept glancing at the entrance, longing for a glimpse of him. And dreading it at the same time. By the time he arrived, she had decided that she would still be friendly, but she would not have time to socialize. The less time she spent in his company, the easier it would be to forget what she'd done.

Lancelot waited for Sarah to leave the kitchens before asking Gawain what was going on. "So, I think I missed something. When you walked in I could have sworn you both had the look of lovers. Then in front of my eyes it all changed and you acted more like brother and sister than lovers. What gives?" He directed toward his friend but noticed he was still looking at the door she had gone through. "Gawain, did you hear my question?"

Gawain jumped and quickly turned his attention to Lancelot. "What? No, I didn't. What did you ask?" He saw Lancelot shake his head before repeating what he'd just said. "I don't know for sure if I understand what just happened. She has me so confused that one minute I think one thing and the next minute I think something completely opposite." He took a deep breath and started telling Lancelot what had happened in his room. When he told him how he'd stopped their lovemaking Lancelot interrupted him before he could give his reasons.

"You did what! Are you crazy? You just had her where you wanted her and you pushed her away?" He gave an exasperated sigh. "Don't you see? We've all been giving her hints that you had feelings for her and even Galahad told her you cared. She must have feelings for you or she would never have let it go so far. But you pushed her away. What do you think that told her?"

Gawain attempted to interrupt the man's tirade, but found he couldn't get a word in. He waited patiently until he'd finished before telling him, "I didn't push her away, she knows that the only reason I stopped was because I didn't want to be the reason she felt guilty if she gets back to her village and finds the other man still alive. She wasn't upset, she was just a little embarrassed at what almost happened." He hesitated for a second, "Lancelot, I think she's never been with a man and I didn't want it to be something that might cause her guilt. I want it to be something she'll remember for the rest of her life."

He saw the other man contemplating what he'd said, weighing each sentence before he replied. "Gawain, I understand what you're saying. But I hope you're right that she understands as well. If she doesn't, she may think you've decided that you're not interested after all. Just be prepared to tell her what you've just told me if she acts distant at all. You could not see her face as you hugged before she left. I could. She was disappointed and trying to hide it."

"I know she was disappointed. So was I, and frustrated as well. But I told her the same thing I told you when I pulled away from her. She knows I didn't stop because I don't care to take her to my bed. It's because I care more than that." He finished his words and remembered back to the incident. She did understand. Didn't she? Was Lancelot correct in his assumption that her disappointment was more than just sexual frustration? The uncertainty the thoughts brought forth made him want to search her out immediately. He would not let something come between them at this point. He'd been to elated to finally be able to voice his feelings and had no intention of letting things go back to the way they were before. He stood up and faced Lancelot, "I'm going to see her now and get this straightened out. I hope I'm right and this is all for nothing, but I will not take a chance that she'll back away and be happy to see him should he still be alive."

He started for the door and heard Lancelot's question quietly asked. "Do you really think he'll be alive when we get north?" Gawain turned around before he answered, "With my luck, yes." Then he went to the door and left the kitchen. Lancelot watched him leave with a feeling that things might get interesting between those two before this morning was over. He slowly got to his feet and headed the same direction as Gawain. He might need moral support if she acted the way Lancelot expected. He could still see the look in her eyes as she gazed at him over Gawain's head earlier. He would not have been surprised to find that tears had started as soon as she was out of their sight.


	15. Love Hurts

**Note**: I almost put 'Author's Note' but I can't quite put '_author_' when referring to myself. Oh, well… Thanks for all the reviews! I don't think I could write at all if you guys didn't give my ego a boost from time to time. What makes it so special is that I know you would be just as quick to tell me I stink if you thought so. I love honest people! This chapter seems to ramble a little to me, but I can't make myself cut any of it out. When you get to the next chapter you'll see why. Besides, when you love someone that you think you've lost, you tend to ramble, a lot! Hope you enjoy…

Disclaimer: I don't write for profit (which is probably a good thing, since I like to eat and sleep under a roof), I write for fun and because I don't own the characters, I couldn't write for profit even if I were talented enough. This all belongs to someone else (to my chagrin) and I'm just glad I can borrow them for a short time.

Sarah saw Gawain walk into the tavern and look around until he saw her. He had an unreadable look about him and she wondered what he had on his mind. She smiled when he looked at her and she saw him give a small half-smile in return before he headed in her direction. Looking around, she tried to find something to make her appear extremely busy, but since the tavern was virtually deserted and she had worked so hard trying to keep from thinking about him that everything was done and ready for the first crowd, she just stood there and waited for him to get to her.

Gawain saw Sarah and hesitated when she smiled. Lancelot had to be wrong, she wouldn't smile if she had been hurt by his actions. Surely after all the things that had been said before, she would have ignored him or in the very least, appeared angry with him. He finally headed toward her, deciding to just see what happened before he said anything about what Lancelot had said.

"I see you've been busy. I'm glad that you have a few minutes so we can just talk before the others start to arrive." He watched her closely as he spoke and not seeing any sign of anger he felt relief. "I wanted to make up for all the extra work Vanora has been doing while I've been away from the tavern," she explained. Then she walked over to a small table and pulled a chair out to sit down. "Are you still feeling better?" She asked, mostly because she couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Yes, there is very little pain as long as I don't strain my shoulder. Dag has some very good salves in his bag of healing stuff." Gawain gave a little chuckle, "But with us, he has to." He wanted to talk about anything but what he was saying, but afraid he'd say something wrong, he just chatted with her like acquaintances discussing the weather.

The silence that followed was getting uncomfortable. Sarah tried to think of something to say, some way to let him know that she wasn't going to let what happened that morning cause trouble for him, but no matter what came to her mind, she couldn't bring herself to say anything out loud. She heard Gawain clear his throat and looked up from the table, "Sarah, about this morning, I hope you understood what I was trying to say…" he let the words trail off as he saw the way her eyes flinched as he spoke. But she changed her expression so quickly, he thought maybe he imagined it.

"Gawain, don't. I understood and there is no need for us to discuss anything now. You're right, we should just wait and see what happens when I get to my village." She made her voice as light as possible trying hard not to sound forced. "Besides, if what you all have told me, this may have no bearing on anything." She saw the relief in his face as she finished. He must have thought she would throw a tantrum or something and was trying to stop it before it got started. His actions let her know he had no time for a commitment with her or anyone else. He just wanted to be friends, not lovers. He had plenty of them after all, lovers with a lot more to offer than she did. She was glad he was relieved at her words. Now maybe he would go back to the way he was before he got involved in her affairs and she could go back to the way she was. Even if she now found that thought totally depressing.

The saddened expression in her eyes made the green that sparkled when she was happy, seem dull and lifeless. He wanted to take the sadness away and assumed she was thinking of her family, probably lost to the Saxons. "You know, we could be wrong. You may get back and find everything getting back to the way it was when you left. We'll just have to think about the possibility that there is a positive side and forget all the negative things." He reached across and put his hand over hers on the table. "Remember, we've seen a lot of destruction over the last fifteen years and we sometimes fail to see the good in things." He watched as she looked down at their hands on the table. When she looked up he saw the sadness slowly lift from her expression. He smiled and started to say something else when he heard men talking loudly as they entered the place. It seemed their quiet talk wouldn't get to continue after all. But at least he had made her feel better and he felt better about the way things were going. Lancelot had been wrong this time. She was not angry, and she didn't appear to be hurt, so he started to rise, "Well, it seems you'll be busy for a little while, so I'll go back to my room and try to rest. Will you join me later, or shall I find you?"

"I can join you, but I don't know how late I'll be. I promised Vanora that I would stay and help out tonight. She's going to be short handed and I owe her for letting me have my job back." She had her other hand hidden under the table and crossed her fingers to ward off the evil that lying would bring. She hoped he didn't get a chance to ask Vanora about what she'd said and saw no reason for him to. He knew how busy things could get and since Vanora was a friend, wouldn't want to cause her any trouble. She had enough of that with eleven children to tend to. She looked him in the eyes, trying to reassure him that everything was fine. She saw him search, then apparently satisfied, he nodded and stood up.

"If you don't come before it gets late, I'll come and escort you." He took a step toward her and put his arms around her shoulders in a tight hug, lightly kissing the top of her head. She hugged him back and tried to hide the unhappiness that had settled over her at his readiness to accept her excuses. She knew she was being emotional about the whole thing. She wanted him to believe her so he wouldn't think she was hiding anything from him, but on the flip side, she wanted him to seem disappointed that she might not come to him later. She wanted to be more than just a friend and the disappointment scared her. But being his friend would have to suffice. At least until he was healed enough to travel so she could go home and live the rest of her life with the emptiness she now felt in her heart. The heart he now possessed whether he wanted to or not. The heart he could crush if he so wished. The heart he had crushed with one word. Friend.

Gawain reluctantly released his hold on Sarah and looked down into her face. She smiled and slowly stepped back from his embrace. He thought she did so reluctantly as he himself had done. Before either could say anything, Lancelot came strolling up and clapped Gawain on his good shoulder, "Hey, you ready to eat? I'm starving myself!"

Sarah took the opportunity to get away from Gawain's gaze. She quickly stepped back and said, "I'll go get you some food. I don't know what Vanora cooked this day, but it smells good to me." She turned and hurried toward the kitchen, glad that no one could see her face. She knew if she had to lock gazes with anyone, she would lose her brave front and break down in front of everyone there. Her heart felt like it was being torn in half and she didn't know if she would be strong enough to keep the pain hidden if anyone looked too closely.

When she stepped around the edge of the kitchen wall, she leaned against the wall and let her breath out slowly. 'I don't know if I can keep this up.' She thought to herself. This was going to be the hardest thing she had ever done. Even harder than running from her village when the attack came. Harder than facing what might be there when she returned. If they were all gone, as the knights seemed to think, what would she do? She couldn't come back here and have to see him, knowing it would never be more than friendship. She would rather be far away and wonder if he ever thought about her than be here and see him with the other women as she had seen before. She shook her head to dispel the images that played before her eyes.

She suddenly felt ashamed for her thoughts. If everyone was truly gone, she should be thinking about her family. The family she would never see again. The family that had meant everything to her before coming here. Thinking of coming here brought her back to the man that tormented her thoughts. Why had she fallen in love now when she had gotten so close to going home with her feelings still intact. She would never have realized the love she had thought she had with Derek was only a shell of the true love she had felt with the blonde man on the other side of the wall. Ignorance would have let her be satisfied with that shell. Now she wanted more. She wanted what she could not have.

The two men watched her walk swiftly toward the kitchen. When she went out of sight, Lancelot grabbed Gawain's arm and steered him toward their usual table. He waited until they were seated, "Well? What did she say?" he asked impatiently. Gawain smiled, "One, you need to brush up on your knowledge of women. Two, she understood what I had told her. She said so out right. Three, don't ever scare me like that again! I practically ran over here, thinking I'd done something that would put me back where I started with her." He told Lancelot with a slight air about him.

Lancelot gave him a skeptical look, then he sighed, "If you say so. She did let you hug her before she walked away." Then almost to himself, "I could have sworn she had been about to cry when she looked at me." Gawain reached over and cuffed his arm, "You're getting lame and out of practice with the ladies. I guess I'll have to accept my share of the blame. It seems I've let the rivalry go slack, old friend" He laughed and looked up just as Sarah let one of the bowls slip from her hand and go crashing to the floor. Hot soup splashed on her legs and on both men. They both jumped up and Lancelot took the other bowl from her hand. "Are you alright, sweet Sarah?" asked Gawain as he took her hands in his. His endearment toward her took away the sting of tears she had felt just a moment before. How dare he call her 'sweet' when just a minute before he had been telling Lancelot he'd missed the fun with the other wenches! "Yes, I'm fine." she exclaimed, trying to hide the anger that had surfaced. "I'm sorry, the bowl got too hot and I let it go." She explained.

Sarah knew she would have to get away from him before she said or did something to show how angry she felt. "I'll go get another bowl. Excuse me." She saw him nod, then she turned and headed back toward solitude. She gave a bitter laugh as she got out of sight of the two men. 'Galahad should see him now. It seems he doesn't know his friend as well as he thinks!' She quickly got another bowl of soup and wrapped it with a cloth to make it seem she was protecting her hands from the hot bowl. This was going to be a terribly long day and she was no longer in the mood to put on a face of calm serenity or feigned merriment that would be required to hide her true feelings. If he didn't hurry and leave soon, she thought she would have to find an excuse to leave and go to her room for a while so she could compose herself.

When she returned to the table, she placed the bowl in front of Gawain. She flashed him a smile that she hoped he took as genuine, then turned to clean up the mess she had made earlier. The two men seemed to accept her excuse as to why she had dropped the bowl. She heard them begin to speak about things only they could know about. Day to day goings on for men who lived as they did. The duties of knights. As quickly as possible, she had the mess cleaned up and left them to their talk. She would make it through this mess. She had to. She couldn't let anyone know how alone she felt. She had boasted too often about how everyone would be waiting for her to get home and now, even though she doubted it was so, she had to continue letting people believe she just wanted to go back there. Back to what? The life she had thought so perfect before. The life she now knew had been a dream in the mind of a young girl in love with love. Nothing else.


	16. Emotional Truths

Thanks for the reviews! Hopefully this chapter will have less 'filler' and more substance. But I had to show that people don't usually just confront situations to find the truth, just like Melosine said in her review, (glad you caught that). Now, here you go…

Sarah plastered on her smile and went about her duties mechanically for the rest of the evening. She kept looking to the knight's table, hoping for and dreading the time when Gawain would finally leave for his room. Except for him, she was oblivious to the people around her. She went from table to table, filling cups as men shouted for more. But she didn't see any of them. Not really. Everything she did was automatic, requiring no thought. That was a good thing since her thoughts were occupied and so jumbled that even she didn't understand most of them.

She stepped into the kitchen and leaned against the wash tub. With both hands she massaged her cheeks. They had become stiff from all the smiling. With a sigh, she reached into the tub and began to wash the mugs and pitchers that had piled up over the night. If only she could go somewhere to think for a while. Somewhere away from all the noise. Somewhere away from him. Then maybe, she could get through the jumble of her thoughts and make some sense of how her life was turning out. Maybe she could reconcile herself to the life she was facing. The life where no matter who she met, or who she married someday, if she married, her heart would be with the man on the other side of the wall. The man who called himself her friend. She sighed, maybe.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts and self-pity, she didn't hear him walk up. With her back turned toward the doorway, she didn't see him either. He leaned against the wall and watched her as she worked. Finally, with a frown, he turned and headed back toward the table. He had only stood there a moment and in that time he had heard her sigh numerous times. He wanted to ask her what was bothering her, but he was afraid she would tell him what he feared most was the truth. She missed her husband to be. Why else would she sigh with such a forlorn way about her? Why had he let Lancelot talk him into being hopeful? She had told him from the beginning that she wasn't interested but when Lancelot had told him he needed to win her away from the memory of that other man, he had jumped at the chance to try. Now, he doubted the decision.

'What about this morning?' he asked himself. 'If I hadn't stopped when I did, she would have lain with me. Would she have done that if she didn't have feelings for me or doubts about him?' The internal argument raged as he reached the table. Not wanting to engage in the useless banter with the others, he quickly turned and headed out of the tavern and toward his room. Halfway there, he decided to go to the wall and sit for awhile and just think. He had to figure out why, after the discussion they had earlier, her melancholy sighs had made him feel so afraid that she was having second thoughts. Why he was so jealous of a man that was more than likely dead at the hands of the Saxons.

When he reached the top of the wall, he sat down and stretched his legs in front of him as he leaned back on the cold stones. Did she respond to him because all of them had been telling her what they thought she would find when she reached home? Was she just trying to prepare for the pain she knew she'd face when she found the village destroyed and everyone dead? Could she be looking at him as a replacement for her lost love? He thought about it for a while, then shook his head to clear the thought, 'No, that's not the woman I've come to love.' When he thought the word 'love', he stopped shaking his head and marveled at the fact that love was exactly what he felt for her. He loved a woman he'd known less than a week and unless he could figure out exactly what she felt for him before they rode north, he might lose her if the man she planned to marry, by some twist of fate, had survived the attack and was waiting for her to return.

The more Sarah thought about the way things had gone since Gawain had entered the picture, the worse she felt. She turned when she heard someone stumble through the doorway and saw Lancelot leaning against the wall. "Sarah, is Gawain not here with you?" he asked in his slurred speech. The sight of the man made all her sadness turn to anger. Before she thought, she snapped back at him, "No. Is there a reason you'd think he was back here helping a wench wash dishes?" The look of surprise on his face at her sudden outburst made her question why she was angry with him. When she realized she was more angry with herself for the predicament she found herself in, she quickly apologized, "I'm sorry, I guess I'm just tired." She lied easily. For someone who valued truth as much as she thought she had, she had grown quite good at lying. This thought saddened her almost as much as the thought of living the rest of her life without her blonde knight. She was no longer the person she had believed she was before. Maybe she had never been that person to begin with. Maybe she had been fooling herself about that as well.

Lancelot watched the emotions play across the woman's face as he tried to figure out what she was angry about. When she finally got control of her face and the fake smile replaced all the emotion, he knew something more was going on with her. "Sarah, has something happened? You seem upset." He saw her begin to shake her head before he even finished speaking. "No, nothing has happened. It's like I said, I'm just extremely tired and thinking or speaking is just too much of an effort right now." She hesitated for only a moment, "As for Gawain, I haven't seen him except across the crowded tavern, since I brought him his soup early this evening. Is he not at the table?"

"No, he got up to come check on you and never came back to the table. I just assumed he was still back here. I guess he just decided to go to his room and lie down. He's still healing after all." He told her in answer to her question. Lancelot had been watching her eyes as she spoke. So that was it! She was one of those needy women who needed to be made aware of her man every moment and since Gawain hadn't gone to her during the evening and let her know he was still close by, she was angry. Well, maybe not angry exactly, but she was definitely pissed. Or, maybe she was just disappointed. Either way, Gawain was in for one hell of a time if she was going to be so demanding with his time. He had a feeling that going on missions would be eventful with her pouting and begging the man to stay with her.

Maybe his first impression of her had been correct. She was a spoiled brat who thought only of herself. He began to feel sorry for his friend. He shook his head, maybe all this messing around with romance wasn't a good thing. He decided that from now on he would let things work out on their own, without any interference from him. That way Gawain couldn't blame him for the unhappiness of her constant nagging and complaining. He quickly made the excuse of going to check on Gawain and left her standing by the wash tub.

Sarah thought about what Lancelot had said. Gawain had not come back to see her. So, where had he gone? Maybe he had found another woman and taken her back to finish what she had tried to start that morning. The thought made her feel physically ill and she put the back of her hand to her mouth to stifle the whimper that had risen in her throat. What would she do when she saw him leave the tavern with his arm around the waist of another woman, the way she had seen him leave so many times before? Quickly blinking back the tears that had sprung to her eyes, she hung her head. She doubted she would make it through such a scene without letting the world know that her heart was breaking. "He'd better hurry and get well enough to travel. I want to go home." She spoke aloud, then finished with a thought, 'or my broken heart might kill me.' She didn't realize that Tristan had silently stepped around the wall and heard her words.


	17. Silent Wisdom

Thanks for the reviews! Hope this chapter makes up for all the 'misunderstandings' of the last couple of chapters, but unfortunately, there will still be more (as with real relationships). Got to leave for work in less than thirty minutes, so don't have time to address each review as I would like. Now on with the story…

Still don't own the storyline or the characters, much to my dismay!

Tristan watched her run her hands across her face, then with a heavy sigh, she reached into the tub and removed a mug and began to wash it. He could tell that her mind was not on what she was doing by the way she absent mindedly did the work. As quietly as he had stepped into the scene, he stepped back out. This was just another thing to prove him right. Love was not worth the trouble. He might be lonely sometimes, but at least he knew his feelings and didn't have to constantly wonder what someone else felt. But, he probably wouldn't wonder anyway, he thought as he headed for his usual place at the wall. He'd just go to her and ask. Maybe he should tell Gawain what she said and suggest he do the same. Then shaking his head, he looked over the wall. He'd never been one to interfere in other's affairs and he wouldn't start now. Not even if he thought they needed someone to lock them in a room until they hashed this out. No, he'd let them make their own mistakes and watch the outcome.

As he stood there, he saw Sarah step across the courtyard, headed for the knight's quarters. He had taken her for a strong woman. One that knew what she wanted and would fight for it. Maybe she was inadvertently taking his stance on things and was going to confront Gawain. He thought about his brother in arms. He hadn't exactly been acting himself since she came into the picture. He seemed to be more careful in his words and actions than he had before. By this time, he usually had bedded the woman and moved on to the next conquest. Or, he'd bedded her a few times and lost interest. This time he seemed to care for her feelings more than his own. That had to be the only reason he had tried to secretly watch her every move in the tavern. Always averting his eyes if he thought she was about to look back in his direction.

Tristan shook his head again. Both of them had been dancing the dance all night. She watched Gawain from the corner of her eye as she went about her work, careful not to let him catch her looking. And he had done the same thing toward her. Tristan had been a little shocked at the expression of sadness he'd seen in her eyes a few times. He sensed a longing that would not be fulfilled and couldn't understand what it meant. If what he'd overheard between Gawain and Lancelot had been truth, then it seemed Sarah was more than taken with him and it was only at his friend's urging that they waited to share a bed and not because she didn't want to. He was still thinking about how people should be more like the animals he felt close to. What they felt, you knew. Be it anger, sadness or pain. He doubted they felt love, only rutting when the need to procreate presented itself, but they felt affection. That he knew and he also knew they made sure it could not be mistaken for any other emotion. People should be more honest with their feelings. That was all there was to it. These were the thoughts that were passing through his head when Gawain stepped up to where he was standing.

"Hey, Tris, get tired of the tavern?" Gawain tried to sound off handed about his greeting, but after almost fifteen years, you learned to read another person. "Did you?" he threw back as an answer. Gawain hesitated before answering, "I don't know. I just had some things I needed to think about and the noise made it almost impossible." He laughed softly, "that and Lancelot's pestering. You know how he gets when he's drunk." Tristan grunted, not particularly interested in the conversation, just what Gawain had been thinking about. "So, did you think the problem through?" He didn't look at his friend, he was staring into the blackness of the night, watching for any kind of movement in the shadows of the sliver of a moon that hung low in the sky. In way of an answer, Gawain shot back a question, "You don't miss much, do you?"

Tristan glanced sideways at Gawain, "No, my life usually depends on not missing anything, so I just don't." He heard the long, drawn out sigh, "I sometimes wish I had your talent of observation. But, it seems I don't see half of what I should most of the time." He became quiet and Tristan knew he was trying to find a way to ask his opinion. He knew that even though the scout rarely discussed matters with the others, he still formed opinions about most of what happened in their lives. He decided to give him a break and just tell him. "I think you should just go to her and tell her how you feel. How else can you be sure she knows what's in your heart? Then just ask her how she feels, straight out, no hidden meaning behind the question. How she answers will mean more than her words." Having said that, he turned away from his friend, giving him time to digest what he'd said.

"I thought I already had. This morning. But Lancelot didn't think so and now I wonder if she misunderstood me. She's acted different all day. Friendly, yet distant at the same time. Makes no sense to me. She knows I'm usually with one of the wenches when we're at the fort, what did she think I meant when I stopped before things got out of control? I've never backed away from the opportunity to bed a woman before." He looked toward Tristan, waiting for a response. Just as he thought nothing would be said, Tristan said quietly, "Exactly what did you say to her when you stopped?"

"I told her I didn't want anything that happened between us to cause her guilt if she found her betrothed alive when she returned home. Tris, for the first time in my life, I want all of her. Not just a night in my bed. I want her heart, her soul, and, well, everything that makes her Sarah. That's why I want to wait until we find out what happened to her home. When I take her to my bed, I want her past to be over, completely. I don't want to compete with the man she thought she loved for a time." The passion in his voice made Tristan wonder about what could change a man so completely.

"Did you tell her all of that?" He asked instead of voicing the thoughts going through his head. Gawain shook his head, "I don't remember exactly what I said. I just remember seeing her in my mind, going back to this 'Derek' because she felt she had done him wrong in some way. I saw myself losing her because of my impatience. Because of my own lust." His voice saddened at the memory of his thoughts from earlier. Tristan waited for a minute, then he clapped Gawain on the shoulder, "She just went toward our quarters, looking for you I guess. Why not just go find her and straighten this out now, once and for all? Would it be any worse to _know_ the truth than it is with all the things you think _might_ be the truth?"

Gawain hesitated for a moment, then he nodded at Tristan, "Maybe I should have sought your wisdom before I listened to Lancelot. You make more sense." He gave a little laugh and heard Tristan mutter, "Like there was ever any doubt." He laughed out loud and headed down from the wall. It was the first time he thought he'd ever heard the scout make a joke whether he meant to or not. It felt good to laugh again. He hoped he still could after he found the woman he sought.

Sarah agonized over the picture of Gawain strolling out of the tavern with one of the wenches until she thought she would scream in frustration. Finally, unable to stand it any longer, she had told Vanora she'd come in early the next morning to finish up and left to find out if her fears were true. She headed across the courtyard toward the rooms the knights kept at the fort. If he was with another woman, she wanted to know. Then she could begin to accept what the future held for her. Or at least try to. She doubted she'd ever be able to accept being alone the rest of her life. But she knew she wouldn't find someone to take his place in her heart, even if she could find someone to replace him in her life. It would be like the love she felt for Derek, just a shell of what it should be.

As she got closer to her destination, her resolve faltered. What if he didn't answer the door? Then she wouldn't know any more than she did now. What if he did? Could she really face the sight of him with another woman lying in the bed she'd been in only this morning? She felt her palms get damp with sweat as she raised her hand to knock. She quickly wiped them on her pants and before she could change her mind, she knocked. She waited for a couple of minutes and when he didn't answer, she knocked a little louder. Just as she was about to turn and leave, knowing in her heart what kept him from coming to the door, another door down the hallway opened and Dagonet stuck his head out.

"Miss Sarah, I don't think Gawain's come back from the tavern yet." He informed her. 'He must have gone to her room, then.' She thought. She couldn't see the look on her face when she imagined him making love to someone in the rooms behind the tavern. But Dagonet could. He quickly stepped out into the hallway. "Is something the matter?" he questioned her. He noticed how her face had suddenly gone pale and he thought she was going to faint. She jerked her head up at his question. "No, thank you. I was just checking on him like I said I would when my shift ended. If he's still out, he must be feeling alright, so I'll retire and see him later." She didn't know how she got the words out without breaking down, but she did. As quickly as possible she headed toward the courtyard, afraid that if she hesitated, he would see her cry.

When she stepped outside into the cool night air, she leaned against the closed door and took several deep breaths trying to get control of her emotions. 'This just keeps getting worse.' She thought. Then afraid someone else would see her standing alone and dejected outside the knight's quarters, she hurried toward her room where she could hide from everyone. 'But, I can't hide from myself.' She thought bitterly. She heard Gawain laugh and quickly stepped into the shadows of the building. She saw him coming down from the wall and heading toward the door she had just stepped through. She held her breath until he passed by her hiding place. Slowly letting the air escape through her lips, she almost ran trying to get to her room before Dagonet had time to tell him she had been there. 'As if he'd care.' She thought. 'He said he'd come back and escort me. I see he found better things to do.' The bitter thoughts gave her the resolve to make it to her room without letting a single tear fall from her eyes. The bitterness also strengthened her resolve. She would not let him know how it hurt to know she had let herself fall for a man who only wanted to be her friend, unlike all the other wenches that inhabited the fort. 'He didn't even take what I offered so wantonly this morning.' With that thought, the tears began to flow freely. Without taking the time to change into her night shift, she lay across the bed and for the first time since she had left home, she cried deep wracking sobs for the losses she had suffered in the last few months. But mostly for the loss of the true love she longed for so desperately.


	18. Finally

I hope I'm not boring any of you with the on again/off again romance of Sarah and Gawain, but it has been my experience that if you THINK about a relationship, it usually messes it up. It's better to just go with it and hope it all works out. Now, on to more important things… hope you all like this chapter which I am dubbing "Finally…" Let me know what you think.

Oh, and I still don't own any of this…

Gawain walked toward his room, his steps lighter since his talk with Tristan. The scout was right. What did he have to lose if he just asked her straight out how she felt about him? He couldn't be any more upset than he was with all this guessing. He opened the door that led into the hallway outside their rooms, expecting to see her standing in front of his door. When she wasn't there, he thought maybe she had gone inside and hurried to his room. He opened the door and stepped into his dark and cold room. Surely if she had come inside, she would have lit the candle on the table by the bed. He waited a moment to let his eyes adjust and not seeing any sign that she was there or had even been there, he went back outside with the intention of going to her room. He wanted to get this over with and whatever her response, he wanted to move forward. If she told him she was not interested, he would do one of two things, either give up and try to forget his feelings or more likely, do everything in his power to change her mind.

He walked out into the courtyard and headed for the tavern. If she wasn't still there, he would go to her room and wake her if necessary. As he walked, he thought back over the events of the day. Remembering how she had kissed him that morning, he knew she felt something for him. She wasn't the kind of woman who would offer her body to just any man who was interested. He realized that even though she had told him she understood, he didn't think she fully did. He had to make her see that by backing away from her, he was showing her that she meant more to him than a woman to bed just for pleasure. He wanted her to know that her happiness and pleasure meant just as much, if not more, than his. If she offered herself again, he would show her how much he loved her. To hell with the man to the north. He would just have to accept that he'd lost her when he let her go and didn't come looking for her. If it took fighting the man for Sarah, then fight he would.

When he arrived at the tavern, he found only a handful of men left drinking and gambling at one of the tables. The only women present didn't include Sarah, so he quickly turned and headed toward the rooms in the building behind the tavern where the wenches stayed when not working. He stopped in front of the door to her room and knocked gently so he wouldn't startle her. He listened for any kind of movement that would let him know she was inside. He thought he heard someone, but he wasn't sure if it came from her room or one of the others up and down the hall. Knocking again, just a little harder, he put his ear closer to the door and listened. The sounds of sobbing coming through the wood made him hesitate, but only for a moment. He reached for the handle and slowly opened the door.

Once the door was open enough, he stuck his head around the opening. He saw Sarah lying on the bed, fully clothed and saw that she was crying. Her sobs were heart breaking and he hurried into the room, crossing the small space between the door and bed with only a couple of strides. "Sarah," he called her name quietly. When she didn't respond, he called again, "Sarah, what troubles you?" He saw her quickly turn over and sit up, wiping her eyes with the heels of her hands as she did so. When she looked up at him, he saw that she had been crying for some time. Her eyes were red and slightly swollen and tears were still streaming down her cheeks. He sat on the bed next to her and reached out and took her in his arms. He could tell she wanted to resist, but in her sadness she just collapsed into his embrace, shoulders shaking with her sobs.

"Sweetheart, what makes you sob so?" he asked in a hushed tone. "Please tell me, so I can make it alright." He felt her shake her head, so he just sat there and held her until she slowly stopped crying so hard. Finally, when the only sound she was making was a slight snubbing noise, he pushed her away so he could look into her eyes. "Has something happened? I've never seen you so upset." Her beautiful green eyes held the shimmer of unshed tears as she shook her head. He gently wiped at her tears with his thumb before he pushed her hair away from her face. "Oh, Sarah, I will do anything to take away your tears. Please tell me what I can do." He softly pleaded with her. She sniffed a couple of times and wiped her eyes on her tunic. "Just hold me." She whispered as she leaned into him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her to his chest, her head just under his chin. Her arms wrapped around his chest, his tunic bunched up in her fists like she was holding on for her very life.

He didn't know how long they sat like they were, but finally, she raised her head and looked up at him. "I'm sorry." Was all she said as she tried to give him a smile. He smiled back at her and put his hand behind her head and pulled it back to rest against his chest. He kissed her head gently, as he would if she had been a child. After a moment, he pushed her back and held her head between his hands and gazed into her eyes. "Sarah, I love you. Please let me erase your tears." He spoke in a whisper and watched her eyes as she realized what he'd just said.

"You… love… me?" she stammered. "Yes, I know I promised not to do or say anything that would make you feel guilty if… when you see your betrothed again, but I can't pretend any longer. The hardest thing I've ever done was push you away and leave you on my bed this morning. I wanted to love you but I didn't want to be the cause of any unhappiness you would feel later, any regret you might have if you decided to stay with this Derek when we get to your village." He became quiet as he saw her eyes change from haunted to the sparkling green he'd noticed the first time he'd looked into them. "Please tell me you understood why I didn't make love to you then. Tell me you feel the same for me." He implored gently.

He saw her close her eyes and lean up to place her trembling lips on his. He only waited for the time it took to release the breath he'd been holding as he waited for her answer. Then he pulled her to him roughly and kissed her. He pushed against her lips with his tongue and felt her lips part, allowing him to explore her mouth. As the kiss became more passionate, he slowly stood up and pulled her up with him. When she wrapped her arms around his neck, he reached and untied the laces to her tunic, breaking the kiss only long enough to pull the tunic over her head. As he looked into her eyes, he ran his hands down her arms and unwound them from his neck. He lifted his head from hers, "Sarah, let me love you tonight. Let me show you what you mean to me."

He saw the love in his heart reflected in her eyes. Then she averted her gaze and he saw the blush on her cheeks. "If you would rather wait, I'll understand. I won't push you until you're ready." Before he could finish what he was saying, she started shaking her head as she reached for the laces on the front of his shirt. He saw her bite her lower lip as she concentrated on her task and once again felt the need to bite her lip like he had when she was tending his wound. Groaning, he moved her hands and pulled his shirt over his head, flinging it into a corner of the room. Then he reached for the ties of her britches and slowly pulled the strings lose, never taking his eyes from hers. He felt the knot come loose and slowly pushed them over her hips, letting them fall to the floor, releasing her gaze to look at her standing naked before him. Her blush of shyness only made her more beautiful in his eyes.

Sarah heard him call her name and froze. Then when he called her again, she jumped up and tried to wipe the tears from her face. She felt the bed move under his weight as he sat down beside her. When he reached for her she didn't pull away, but let him take her into his arms. She held onto him as she would have if she were drowning. Which, in a way, she was and he was the lifeline she had been hoping for. When she had finally cried all she could, she felt him push her away from his embrace and saw the look of concern and something else in his eyes. When he spoke to her of his love, she could have rejoiced so the world would hear, but fear that she was again misunderstanding him made her keep silent as she looked into his eyes. Oh, how she hoped she was hearing him right. He loved her!

When he asked to love her, she leaned up and kissed him the way she had that morning. This time he did not break away, he stood up and took her in his arms, and she felt him untie the laces to her tunic. As he pulled it over her head, any thoughts of embarrassment at standing before him naked from the waist up left when she saw the look in his eyes. When she reached up, fumbling with the tie to his shirt, he pushed her hands away and pulled it over his head almost eagerly. Then when he reached for the ties that held her britches up, she didn't try to stop him but stood proudly with her nakedness before the man she loved with all her being. His look of wanting and appreciation enough to take away the slight blush of embarrassment from her face. When he wrapped his arms around her and lowered his lips to hers, she responded with all the longing she had tried to hide all day. The fear of him bedding anyone else gone from her mind as he let her know how much he loved and wanted her.


	19. Where's Gawain?

Thanks for the reviews!

Op: I'm glad you liked the last chapter. I was afraid I made it a little melodramatic, but then I figured, love is melodramatic most of the time. Even after years of marriage there can be misunderstandings and hurt feelings over small things that get blown up in our minds. Now we get to the parts I'm dreading to write. Just how in the world can I keep the story interesting without getting all stupid with it? Ideas? Will be muchly appreciated (just a word I borrowed from my favorite story by Tracy137).

Melosine: I have no idea how old you are, but you have a very mature mind when it comes to affairs of the heart. Rejection is the one thing most humans fear most and I think maybe Tristan fears it as much as the rest of us, he just thinks he's got a handle on things. If it were him, I'm sure he would be just as reluctant to put his heart out for all to see. By the way, I love "Book of Memories"!

Travy137: You'll never know how pleased I was when you reviewed! I thought you had lost interest in my writing and for some reason it made me sad. But since this old woman made another 'old lady' happy, then I'm pleased as punch! Anytime you want to jump in, feel free. All ideas and prodding will be greatly appreciated!

Parixs: It's always good to have a new reader and I'm glad you liked it! I take it that English is not your native tongue, so at least you can read in English, I sometimes wish I could read (or speak) in another language. I tried taking Russian, but being from the deep south of the US, my Russian sounded really pathetic, so I gave it up. Maybe one day I'll get brave enough to try again. Thanks for reading at whatever speed!

Here's another chapter in the saga of Gawain's love life! In this chapter I'm trying to show how the guys always try to include anyone who is attached to one of them into their little 'family'. Hope it works for you.

I still don't own any of this. (Sigh…)

The low murmurings of the men sitting around the round table slowly died down as Arthur walked into the room. He looked around the table at the men he'd been chosen to lead, the men who had become more than soldiers in Rome's war with the world. These men were now his friends with a friendship forged through the years of battle. When his gaze came upon an empty seat, he raised an eyebrow toward the man next to it. Galahad shrugged and swallowed, "Couldn't find him. He didn't come home last night." Was all he said, as if that explained everything. Normally, it would have. Gawain didn't always come home at night when they were at the fort.

Without waiting for Arthur to ask someone, Tristan stood up, "I may know where he is." He saw Arthur nod almost imperceptively, then headed toward the door. The normally stoic man almost smiled. It seemed his advice may have done some good, after all.

Once Tristan had left the hall, Arthur sat down in his seat, "Well, this answers my first question." He said with a smile. "And what question would that be?" Grinned Lancelot. Arthur looked at his first knight and returned the grin, "Whether or not Gawain was healed well enough to go on a mission. Since he's been on his own mission, I see he is well enough." The other knights all joined in the small joke as laughter went around the room. Bors suddenly spoke up, "What kind of mission are we goin' on this time?" He asked his commander.

Arthur looked around the table, "I think we should go north and check out the story of Saxons. If the story is true, sitting here is only allowing them to move further south without hindrance. If there really are Saxons, it will only be a small scouting party and we could stop their progress with little trouble." Galahad spoke up, "Sarah said it was a large army. That sounds like much more than a scouting party." Arthur looked at the younger man before answering his unspoken question, "True, she did say that, but when the Saxons attack a village that is unused to battle, it could seem much larger than it actually is." Before he could say more, Lancelot interjected, "and she said her village was a peaceful village. They would not be used to battle enough to gage the size of an army. Besides, even if she said they were Saxons, it could just be a group of marauders and not Saxons at all. I doubt she would know what a Saxon looked like if she saw one up close."

Arthur listened to Lancelot's words, nodding as he heard them. "Lancelot speaks true. If her village is as secluded as she claims, they could have been mistaken at the identity of their attackers. Either way, sitting here is not giving us the answers we need." None of the others spoke for a few minutes, and since they all knew what the mission would be about, the men began to talk amongst themselves while they waited on the two missing knights.

Tristan went to the rooms behind the tavern. He didn't know exactly which room was hers, but he was sure when he found it, he would find the missing knight. He grinned slightly and made his way to the first door along the hall and knocked. When no one answered, he moved to the next and did the same. Finally, after the fourth time, he heard sounds coming through the thick wood. He stepped back and waited for someone to open the door and was not surprised when it was Gawain who stuck his head out. "What… Tristan, what are you doing here?" he asked groggily. Then he saw the half-grin on his friend's face and gave him an answering grin.

"Arthur has called a meeting. He is waiting for you at the round table." Having delivered his message, he turned to leave. He heard Gawain as he reached the door leading outside, "I'm right behind you." Then he heard the door shut as he left the building. He decided he'd wait on the other man and go back to the meeting together. Even though he didn't seem to get involved with the affairs of his brothers, he still wanted to know if things went as well as they appeared.

Once the door was closed, Gawain went back to the bed where Sarah lay awake watching him. "I have to leave," he started. "Usually when we're called to the round table it means we'll be leaving on a mission." He leaned down and kissed her gently. "I'll find you before we leave." Then he raised up and began gathering his clothes from around the small room.

Sarah wanted to go to him and wrap her arms around his neck, but suddenly felt shy about parading around without any clothes in the broad light of day. Instead, she sat up, holding the covers to her chest. "I'll be at the tavern. If you don't come to me quickly, I'll be in the courtyard as I've seen Vanora do when Bors leaves." He nodded and fastened his trousers. Before he went to the door, he quickly went back to the bed and kissed her. "I love you, Sarah." He whispered. "I love you, as well," she whispered in answer. She watched him go through the door and leaned back with a sigh. Things had surely turned out different than she had thought they would.

She closed her eyes and remembered the night before. How her heart had been breaking when he first came to her. Then in a matter of minutes she had been flying with the birds, high in the sky, happy and carefree. He loved her! This was more than she could have hoped for. Yesterday morning she had been prepared just to spend a night in his bed. A token that would have given her something to remember in the lonely life she pictured before her. Now, it seemed she would have many nights to remember when she was old. She blushed at the thoughts of what those nights would be like and opening her eyes, she quickly got up to dress. She did not want to be found still lounging around when he came looking for her.

Gawain was a little surprised when he stepped outside and saw Tristan leaning against the building, his dagger in his hand as he cleaned beneath his nails. "I thought you'd be back at the hall by now." He told him unnecessarily. He watched him easily sheath the dagger as he pushed himself away from the wall, "I thought it might be a good idea to warn you that the others have figured out where you were and you'll probably get a lot of teasing about it." Tristan began the easy conversation. "Good, I won't have to tell them anything, then, will I?" He shot back with a smile splitting his features.

They walked in silence for a moment, then Tristan glanced at him, "Well, I guess you worked everything out?" Gawain returned his look, "Better than I had hoped. Tris, she loves me! I think I've finally found what I've been looking for, someone to share my life with." He stopped talking for a breath, then continued, "now all I have to do is be sure to return alive from our missions. I'd hate to think I found her only to die and leave her behind." He had always wondered if he'd make it through his years of service, but he'd never before thought about leaving anyone behind. He'd never had anyone to worry about before now and the thought suddenly made him feel afraid. An emotion he'd never had to face before.

Tristan saw the worry on his friend's face and knew that he was facing his immortality. He knew that men changed how they looked at battle once they had someone to care if they lived or died. "We all have to die someday. Just live each day as you would if it were your last and you will have no regrets." He quietly told the man. He saw Gawain look at him with different eyes. They all thought they knew him, but in truth, no one really did. He had the same feelings as everyone else, he just chose to keep them to himself. "Thanks, Tris, you are a wise man, wiser than we give you credit for." Gawain told him sincerely. He nodded and they continued in silence to the hall.


	20. No Secret!

I am just so pleased with the reviews! I check my email at work on an hourly basis to see if any new ones have arrived!

Brw1001: Is this soon enough? Glad you liked it and hope I don't let you down now that I'm getting to the part I'm having trouble picturing in my head.

Devonshirelass: Then help me with the reunion parts of the story. I know kinda how I want it to go, but Derek is just a shadow in my mind and I'm probably going to have a hard time making him seem real. Oh, well, as Scarlet would say, 'tomorrow's another day. I'll just worry about that tomorrow.'

LANCELOTTRISTANBABY: Glad you liked! Here's more.

Op: I never thought about it as pretty… but now that you mention it, oh, you meant the chapter and not Gawain… oops!

Tracy137: Glad I didn't lose you! I read your profile and I have to confess I've got a few years on you (I refuse to say how many!). My oldest son is getting close to your age and my youngest is half as old if that gives you any indication. I really need help getting the village part of my story down, (hint, hint) any ideas? Oh, and I think Tristan's detachment is what we all fell in love with as well. I've always liked the dark, brooding types (take Steven Seagal for instance, so why did I marry a sexy, blonde, outgoing man? Who knows! Actually, I have a picture of my hubby when we first met and he reminds me a lot of the way Gawain looked in the movie!)

Enough rambling… here's chapter 20 (and I still don't own any of the legend of King Arthur and I never intend to make money at writing about it. Couldn't, even if I did intend to!

When the two men stepped into the hall where the other knights were impatiently waiting and trying hard to find things to talk about, Bors stood up and gave the Sarmatian battle cry, "Rrrruuuussss!" as he held up his goblet toward Gawain. He gave a huge grin before turning to Arthur, "Sorry, I…" he began to explain his tardiness. But Arthur held up his hand, "No apology or excuses necessary. Now, we'll fill the two of you in on what we've been discussing." Gawain was glad he didn't want him to explain his absence, and more than a little curious as to why the meeting had been called in the first place.

After Arthur had relayed the information to the last two of his men, he settled back a little. "So, Gawain, do you think Sarah is up to the trip?" Gawain was about to answer honestly, when he noticed the glint of amusement in his commander's eyes. He closed his eyes for a moment and heard a few chuckles come from around the table. "So, this is how it's going to be, huh? Give me a false sense of security, then catch me with my pan… um, back turned!" The guffaws that came from everyone at the table, minus Tristan who just smiled, let him know they had caught how he'd almost said 'pants down'. He sighed in defeat as they all did when Arthur was involved. He might be a formidable leader, but when he was in a joking mood he could outsmart them all.

Arthur stopped laughing for a moment, "We'll leave at first light tomorrow. Will you tell her of our plans or would you like me to do it?" he directed the question to Gawain. "I'll do it." He answered and they all stood to leave. He turned to Galahad and asked, "So, how did you all figure out it was Sarah I spent my night with?" Galahad just looked at him before answering, "If it'd been anyone else, we'd have seen you leave with her. Besides… " and Bors interrupted, "We ain't blind ya know! The lit'le woman's been pining for ya since we got back, waitin' on ya hand an' foot an' all." Gawain saw the others nodding their heads and turned to see Lancelot with a frown on his face. "What's wrong with you, Lancelot?" he asked seriously. The other man looked over at him and with a preoccupied tone of voice answered, "What?... Oh, nothing, I'm just trying to figure out how I could have been wrong yesterday. I could have sworn she was upset with you." He stated as he shook his head, still baffled by the events of the day before.

Gawain wanted to let him suffer, but he couldn't, "You weren't wrong. But I straightened it all out when I went to see her last night." He saw the relief on the dark knight's face, "I knew I wasn't wrong! I'm never wrong about what I see in a woman's eyes." He boasted as they left the hall, heading for the tavern, of course.

When Sarah finished dressing she headed for the tavern. She didn't realize how beautiful she looked with the big smile on her face and her movements gave the people who saw her pass by the impression that she was dancing in the direction she was walking. Some of the people who had seen her before thought she was someone new to the fort because they had never seen her in the happy mood she now displayed. When she got to the tavern, she found Vanora already there busily preparing for the day. She saw a look of consternation on her face and wondered what she could be so worried about.

"'Morning, Vanora." She almost sang as a greeting. Vanora looked up at the other woman and raised an eyebrow, "'Morning, Sarah. What makes your steps so light this morn?" Sarah hesitated, she wanted to tell the other woman about how she and Gawain were in love. But she was afraid it might jinx them, or he might think she was talking out of turn about something private. When the other woman didn't turn away when she didn't answer, she said, "I don't know, I guess it's just a wonderful day." She began to fidget under the close scrutiny from the other woman, so she turned and said, "Is there anything in particular you wish me to do first?" She picked up an apron from the bar and began to tie it around her waist.

"Oh, no you don't." Vanora stated simply. "I hear everything that goes on in this fort, just ask anybody, and if you don't tell me what has happened to transform you into the sun goddess herself, then someone else will. So you might as well come out with it." Sarah turned to see Vanora standing with her hands on her hips and a determined look on her face. Letting her shoulders droop in defeat, she walked over to her friend and pulled out a chair at the table nearby.

"I really wanted to tell you first thing, but I was afraid it was the wrong thing to do." She waited until the other woman sat beside her, then she said in a half whisper, "You see, last night Gawain told me he loved me and I told him I loved him too! I thought he might get angry if I told anyone, like I was carrying tales or something, so I just didn't want to say anything. Promise you won't mention it unless he tells you himself first?" Vanora looked at the pleading eyes of the younger woman, and despite herself, she started laughing. "Oh, Sarah, girl, you've still got a lot to learn about that lot! Not a one of them does anything that the others don't know about as soon as it's done. And what my Bors knows, I know. He won't think anything of it, believe me."

"Bors doesn't know, nobody does, except maybe Tristan. He came to get Gawain for some meeting of the knights, so he must have figured out where Gawain was. I don't think Tristan will say anything to any one else." Sarah said quietly making Vanora start her laughing all over again. "Bors might not have known anything before the meeting, but you can bet your last coin that they all know now." Vanora saw the stricken look on the other woman's face and hurried to add, "but they are so close, it would be hard to keep anything to do with them quiet. It's not bad, you see, they are more brothers than most people see."

Sarah's features slowly relaxed and she said, "So the other knights won't think me a whore for sleeping with Gawain so soon after we've met? I mean, I don't want them to think I do this kind of thing all the time." Vanora placed a hand on her arm, "They don't think me a whore and I have eleven bastard children by my Bors. No, those men are not like that. Believe me when I say this and besides you can count on any one of them to protect you should anyone else decide to call you anything like that. They're a close lot, that's for sure." Sarah was still trying to digest all that Vanora was trying to tell her when their conversation was interrupted by the loud entrance of the men being discussed.

"Vanora," yelled Bors at the top of his lungs. "Bring us some drinks." Then noticing Sarah standing holding her apron in her nervous fists. "'Morning, Sarah. Gawain is right behind us." She felt her face flush as she realized that Vanora had been saying true that they all would know by now. When she looked to the other woman it did not help that she received an 'I told you so' smirk. "Thank you, Bors." Was all she could say as she went to help get the pitchers of ale.

Gawain walked into the tavern with Tristan on his heels and stopped when he saw her standing behind the bar. Tristan almost walked into him and looked where Gawain was staring. He saw what had gotten the other man's attention. She was drawing ale and laughing and talking with Vanora. Something he hadn't seen her do since he'd come to know her. He could see what Gawain saw in her. She was very beautiful, but there was more than just her beauty. She seemed to brighten the area around her with her smile. He gently nudged his friend, "Close your mouth or you'll draw flies." He teased. He saw Gawain slowly nod and start to move toward their usual table. "Come on man, get control or the others will not let you live it down."

Gawain shook his head and gave Tristan a look of thanks, "She is beautiful, isn't she?" He said with awe in his voice. Tristan nodded and said, "Yes, and if I'm not wrong, I'd say she's thinking something along those lines about you." He moved his head in her direction and saw Gawain turn to look. Sarah was standing holding a couple of pitchers in each hand, staring at Gawain with such a look of love and devotion even the usually reserved scout could feel the warmth from her look. Gawain stopped walking and said under his breath, "Go ahead, I'm going to see her before I sit down." Tristan watched as he went to her and took two of the pitchers before leaning down to kiss her gently. He then looked toward the others and saw each one of them watching the display of affection. Gawain was certainly going to be teased about this sooner or later and from the smirk on Lancelot's face, it would be sooner.

"'Morning, again." Gawain whispered close to her face. He saw her open her eyes and smile, "'Morning." She returned. "How was the meeting?" she asked as they headed toward the table. "It was fine. We leave at first light and Arthur wants you to come with us." Sarah stopped when Gawain said the last part. "Why on earth would he want me to come?" She started walking again when Lancelot yelled, "Hurry with those pitchers, I am in desperate need of a drink!" Gawain sat the two pitchers he carried down in the middle of the table and took one of the two Sarah held. She placed the other in front of Lancelot and turned back toward Gawain, waiting for an explanation.

Gawain took her by the arm and led her away from the others. "We will be riding north to check out some stories about the Saxons. Arthur wants you to come so we can check on your village while we're there." He searched her face for some kind of emotion, some indication of whether she was happy to be going home or not. He saw that she was still just staring at him as if she didn't comprehend what he'd just told her. "Did you hear me?" he asked her quietly. She slowly nodded her head, and he continued, "Will you go with us or should I tell Arthur you don't wish to?" He saw her slowly shake her head, "No, I'll go." Then almost as if she were speaking to herself, "I guess it's time to get this over with."

"Sarah, I'll be with you every step of the way. Don't be afraid of what you'll find. Even if the Saxons did destroy everything you remember of your home, I won't let you face it by yourself. None of us will." He tried to make her feel more comfortable about the journey, but inside he felt the prickling of doubt begin to grow. What if the other man was really alive? Would she change her mind about him and decide to stay with her betrothed? He wanted to ask her, but the sadness and worry in her eyes made him reluctant to do so. He'd just have to wait and see what happened. And fight for her if that was what it took. He would not let this Derek take back what he'd found with her. No matter how much Derek loved her, he couldn't love her more than what Gawain felt in his heart.


	21. Depth of Emotion

Disclaimer: The usual… I don't own any of this… blah, blah, blah! Tiresome, isn't it?

Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter. No time to answer each individually, must leave for work in about, oh, 5 minutes ago! Hope you enjoy…

Gawain looked back at his bed, and the woman who now consumed his thoughts during the day and his dreams during the night. She lay on her back, one knee brought up lifting the covers slightly off her hip exposing her naked flesh. Her hair, splayed across her pillow, seemed to frame her head in a dark cloud. Her lips were uplifted in a slight smile and even in sound sleep she tugged at his heartstrings. "Gods", he thought, "I never expected love to overwhelm my senses like this." Having never expected to feel anything close to what he saw between his mother and father, he was awed by the emotions. He was reluctant to wake her, but knew Arthur would be waiting for them, impatiently at that, if he didn't do so soon. Finally with a sigh, he walked softly to the bed and sat beside the sleeping form.

"Sarah." He gently called her name and heard her soft moan. Reaching over to push a stray strand of her hair off her cheek, he called to her again and saw her eyes flutter open. He saw the realization of where she was in her eyes and when she turned them to his, he saw the memory of their night together reflected in the green depths. "Good morning, Love." He told her as he pushed her hair away from her face with this fingers. "Is it really morning already?" she asked sleepily. "I'm afraid so. Arthur will be expecting us shortly. While you dress and prepare for the journey I'll go to the stables and see to our horses, so come on, get up." The last two words were spoken with authority, but his smile let her know he was partly jesting.

"Oh, alright. I guess I'll have to get used to being roused from sleep at all hours if I'm to be with you." She grumbled good-naturedly as she sat up. When the blanket that covered her breasts fell to her waist, she looked from his face to her breasts noticing the lustful look in his eyes. Smiling, she pulled the blanket back up and admonished, "Go on with you or Arthur will send Tristan to fetch us… again!" She watched as he slowly stood up as he grumbled slightly under his breath, "This is going to be a long and tortuous journey." Smiling, she answered his grumble with one of her own, "Yes, I think it will be." Laughing, Gawain leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I'll see you in the stables in fifteen minutes, so hurry." Then he turned and picked up his sword belt and left the room.

After he left, she took a moment to stretch before standing up. Then she quickly poured water into the basin on the table and with a cloth washed her face and body before pulling on her leather pants and shirt. When she had donned her tunic she sat on the bed and pulled on her boots before pulling the brush through her tangled hair. After a few minutes, she pulled it back and tied a leather cord around it. She wanted to braid it so it would stay out of her way, but considering the time she had to get to the stables, decided to let it wait until later. With one final look about the room, she left and headed toward the rest of the group.

When she stepped inside the big building that housed the knight's horses as well as her own now, she smelled the familiar scent of hay and horse dung. With a slight wrinkle of her nose, she walked toward the stall where Gawain was checking the girth of his horse. When he saw her, he stopped what he was doing and gave her a smile. "I told Lancelot you'd be on time. He said no woman could get dressed and to the stables in less than fifteen minutes." She returned his smile and glancing at the man next to her, she noticed the slight smirk on his lips. "Just because it takes him all morning to dress, doesn't mean it takes all of us that long. Some of us care less than he does about our appearance." She pretended not to be throwing the comment toward the darker knight, but saw the look of surprise on his face at her open banter, only made more so by the words from Bors, "He should keep trying, cause you still got 'im beat!"

Finally, after he saw her laugh with the rest of the men, Lancelot laughed as well. "Alright, I see this is going to be 'pick on Lancelot' day. Go ahead, have your fun, but in the end, know that I will have my revenge." Sarah noticed that he looked directly at her when he said the word 'revenge' and wondered if she should be concerned. She felt Gawain wrap his arms around her from behind and looked up over her shoulder into his face, "Don't worry, Love, I've got your back." Smiling, she winked and gave Lancelot a smug look before pulling out of Gawain's embrace to mount her horse. Just as she got settled, Arthur walked in and looked around, "Good, we're all on time and ready." Then glancing at Gawain, she heard him mumble, "This time." She felt her face blush and shot Lancelot a glare when he laughed out loud. When she glanced at the others, she noticed they suddenly decided they needed to check their saddle one last time and most, if not all of them, had a half hidden grin on their faces. She shook her head as she looked at Gawain to find his grin was bigger than anyone else's. This was going to be an interesting, if eventful trip. She forgot that at the end of the trip she might find any hopes of finding her family dashed at the hands of the Saxons.

The group rode out of the fort a little faster than Sarah felt comfortable with, but she kept up with the rest. The last thing she wanted was for Lancelot to admonish her for holding them up. She wanted them to see that she would take whatever they did even if it secretly scared her beyond words. Had she really thought about the reason for this trip she would have been physically ill from fear. Gawain had not told her that the likelihood of running into trouble was far greater than 'likely'. The usual occurrence when the group left the sanctity of the wall was at least a skirmish with Woads. This time they were looking for Saxons, and apt to find at least some of them. If nothing else, Tristan always found what Arthur sent him in search of.

Gawain secretly kept an eye on her as she rode beside him. He knew she was unused to the pace Arthur set when they went on a mission and hoped her pride wouldn't make her bite off more than she could chew. But the way she held herself told him otherwise. She would not complain or ask Arthur to change the usual just for her, so he just watched for any sign that she was getting in over her head. He had to admit that so far, she was doing well, even if he could tell she would rather be riding at a slower pace. The real test would come if and when they ran into trouble.

This was when he began to contemplate teaching her enough swordplay that she could at least defend herself, even if she never learned to advance on an enemy. There were times when defense was enough until someone could come to your aid. All of the knights had experienced that at one time or another during their service. That's why they were so close, every one of them owed each of the others their lives many times over. He hoped when the time came, she would accept this without feeling she was weak or had failed in some way. It wasn't a sign of weakness, it was just a part of battle, a part of what it meant to fight alongside others for a common cause. Sometimes all the cause had to be was survival. Nothing grander than that. Just to live another day. He made a mental note to tell her some of these things when he had the chance, so she would be prepared when the time came.

Arthur rode the group hard throughout the morning and by the time he signaled for them to stop Sarah felt like she had been beaten. She saw Gawain dismount and step toward her. She wanted to tell him to wait, but she was quietly glad he was coming to help her for she didn't think she could do it on her own. Sure enough, as soon as he thought she was steady, he let her go and she sat down on the trail, her legs too weak to hold her weight. Her weakness made her angry and she felt the tears well up into her eyes as Gawain leaned over to help her up. "Don't think about it," he started. When he saw the look on her face, he added, "it happens if you're not used to it. It'll get better, I promise." She gave him a weak smile and let him pull her up, holding her arms until she nodded that she could stand again.

She saw Gawain grimace as he looked over her shoulder and she turned to see Lancelot saunter toward them. She rolled her eyes at the man she loved and saw him open his mouth to speak, "Don't. I've got to learn to take his teasing eventually. Might as well be now." She saw him nod and close his mouth, but he didn't turn to leave her side.

"If you think it hurts now, wait until tomorrow." Lancelot said as he rolled his eyes toward the sky. Then he turned to Gawain, "You'll be lucky if she lets you touch her before we get back to the fort." Then he walked by without stopping. Sarah looked at Gawain, "Is he joking now or is it really going to be that bad?" Gawain wanted to lie, but knew she'd know soon enough on her own. "It'll be bad enough. But again, I promise you'll get used to it." He saw the consternation on her face and decided he'd had enough, "Look, I'll say something to Arthur. He probably just hasn't thought about how all this riding will affect you. It won't hurt to slow down a little." Sarah started to argue with him, then thought about how sore her backside was already. She decided to keep her mouth shut and let him be her champion this one time.


	22. Traveling

Thanks to all my reviewers! Sorry, I don't have time to respond to each individually, just got a few minutes until I leave for work... but, suffice it to say, that without you guys, there would be no reason to write. Again, thank you!

Disclaimer: Not my creation, just wish to expound on it a little for fun only, no money will be made from this.

The knights all sat around a small stand of trees that afforded a little shelter from the cool breeze that blew, and was sparse enough to allow a clear sight for many yards in all directions. Sarah sat next to Gawain only as long as it took her to eat the bread and jerky that had been put into the pack on her horse. After taking a drink from her water skin, she stood up and stretched her back trying to loosen the muscles that were screaming for being in one position for so long. Without realizing what she was doing, she began to rub her sore backside, only stopping when she heard Lancelot snicker. As she looked in his direction she realized what she had been doing and quickly jerked her hands in front of her. She wanted to give him a scalding look, but considering the blush she felt creeping up her cheeks, she knew it would be useless to do so. He had already seen her discomfort and wasn't about to let it go now.

"Beginning to get a little stiff, are we?" He nonchalantly shot at her, not bothering to look in her direction. Anyone just coming into the picture wouldn't know he'd seen her a few moments before and was only asking out of concern. "Ask me later and I'll show you a way to prevent the soreness next time." He told her as he leaned back and closed his eyes, as if to take a quick nap. Sarah clenched her fists and felt Gawain's hand on hers, so she looked up at him as he said, "He's teasing. There is no way to avoid being sore if you're not used to riding. You just have to make the best of it until you become accustomed." He ended his words with a squeeze to her hand and rounded on his fellow knight, "Come on, Lancelot, don't you think it's time to let it go considering she's not used to riding at all, much less at the pace we usually go?"

Lancelot opened one eye and looked at Gawain. Finally, he sat up and said, "If you insist. But I personally think she should just get used to it. It's part of our missions and this time it's just her turn." The look of innocence was lost when you saw the sparkle in his eyes. Just as Sarah was about to tell them she would take whatever he dished out, Bors spoke up. "That's true, Lassie, but Lancelot couldn't you find something else to tease her about? I agree with Gawain, you're being unfair." He hesitated, then finished with a wink in Sarah's direction, "Unless that's all you can find about her that's worthy of teasing. Hasn't she done something else wrong that you can pick on?"

Lancelot lay there for a moment before answering, "I can't think of anything off the top of my head, but I'm sure something will come up later." He paused and then gave Gawain the one-eyed look again, "but I guess that would be Gawain's problem, though." Despite the stricken look on her face, she heard Bors give a hearty laugh. As he laughed he was trying to apologize to her and they all stopped when Arthur spoke. "Lancelot that's enough! I apologize Sarah, sometimes he just lets his mouth run for no reason at all." She looked from Gawain's scowling face to Arthur's pleading look and sighed, "No apology needed. I guess he's right, I am going to have to get used to this." After she saw Arthur nod and saw the look of admiration from Lancelot at how she had let the whole matter drop, she gingerly sat down next to Gawain and relaxed into his smiling embrace.

She looked up into his eyes and heard him whisper as he kissed her on the cheek, "Very good. He won't stop his teasing, but he will be a little more reluctant to embarrass you so much." She looked at Lancelot and gave him a quick wink to let him know she really didn't take offense to his remarks and saw the wink he gave her back. No one else said anything and she wasn't sure if anyone else had seen the exchange. But when she looked toward Tristan, she saw that he was looking at her with his head cocked to one side, trying to figure out if she really felt that way or was just trying to fit in with the group. She decided that he would just have to keep trying to figure her out. She hadn't exactly given them the best impression in the first place and now she was kind of enjoying their reactions to who she really was, even if they didn't know this 'her' was real.

After the short break they rode until night fell. Although Arthur still kept a hearty pace, Sarah could tell he was holding them back and the only reason had to be her. She had to be more self-sufficient or she would cause them problems. What if they were attacked by more of the blue painted people? She would be useless in a battle with any enemy. Would her inability to fight cause one of these brave men to be injured as Gawain had been? Would it possibly cause someone's death? She blinked quickly several times to wipe the scenes that flashed before her eyes from her vision. She would ask Gawain to teach her some things that would at least keep her from being a hindrance. She might not be helpful, but she would not be a liability.

They stopped for the night in a small clearing in the forest Arthur had led them into just before dusk. Tristan left to scout the area as the rest began to prepare for their night. Sarah had never set up a tent and had no idea where to start so she left the men to take care of the sleeping arrangements and went to help Dagonet start a small fire. A heavy fog had settled around the countryside giving the forest an eerie kind of ghostly appearance which unnerved her, causing her to look over her shoulder repeatedly as if expecting someone to jump from the shadows at any moment. She had become engrossed in keeping the small fire burning until the kindling caught a larger piece of wood making it self-sufficient when Gawain touched her shoulder. Jumping, she gave off a little squeal.

"I'm sorry," she said sheepishly when she realized who it was touching her. "This forest makes me jittery. I feel like eyes are watching my every move from the trees." He saw her shudder as she looked around the campsite, trying to see beyond the circle of light the small fire gave off. "Don't worry, we'll have guards posted all night and no one will get close enough to harm you without someone giving a warning. My watch won't be until early morning so I will be with you until then." He pulled her into his arms and held her until he felt the shivering lessen.

Sarah pulled back enough to look up at the man comforting her, "I feel like such a child. I came south on my own and I don't remember ever being this frightened. I guess my time inside the safety of the walls at the fort has made me weaker than I'd like to admit." He watched as her eyes glittered with tears in the flickering light. He suddenly wanted to lay her down and kiss her until the fear in her eyes was replaced with desire. As their eyes were locked, he saw her desire begin to spark. Just then, Bors gave a little cough, and their attention was drawn away from each other as they turned toward the other knight. Sarah blushed at what she had wanted to happen, realizing the others had been only feet from them as they made love with their eyes. She knew Bors had only coughed to break that connection before they did something that would embarrass both of them, or at least it would have embarrassed her.

She pulled out of his embrace and sat down on a log that Dagonet had pulled close to the fire. After a minute Gawain joined her, putting his arm around her shoulders. She looked up and saw his promise of 'later' and quickly averted her eyes. She saw the three tents set within feet of each other and knew she would never be able to forget the close proximity of the others long enough to enjoy any attentions he tried to bestow. How was she going to explain to him how embarrassed she would be to know others could be listening to their lovemaking so that he would understand? She knew he would suffer no such embarrassment and might not understand her feelings. As the others joined them around the fire, she decided he would just have to accept it and turned her attention to Bors as he talked about Vanora and his children.

Sarah raised her head as she felt herself being lifted and carried somewhere. She saw Gawain through sleepy eyes and nestled her head into his shoulder and closed them once again. She was so tired and in his arms she felt safe. She was asleep again by the time he leaned down and placed her in one of the tents. He heard her moan of protest when he pulled his arms from under her and smiled as he lay beside her and pulled her close to lay on his shoulder. He wanted to love her again, but she looked so peaceful in sleep he couldn't disturb her. He gently kissed her forehead and closed his eyes, hoping sleep would claim him soon. The ache in his loins began to subside as he slowly drifted off thinking about the woman he held in his arms and in his heart.

The sound of a horse snorting woke him from a disturbing dream. He glanced out of the tent flap and saw Tristan sit by the fire to talk to Arthur, who had taken first watch. When neither man moved to rouse the others, Gawain relaxed and thought back to the dream. In it, Sarah had been telling him how sorry she was, but she had been mistaken, she didn't love him. She loved Derek and would stay with him instead of returning to the fortress. He swallowed and pulled her a little closer, feeling her snuggle deeper into the blanket he had thrown over her earlier. The rest of the night until it came time for him to get up was spent reflecting on how upset he had been in the dream. How devastated her words had made him feel. Would he really feel that way if his dream became reality? He realized he would and the thought disturbed him. He had never felt this way about any of the women he'd bedded before. Why was it different with her?

He knew he loved her. But he hadn't known just how deeply until now. Their time together had been short and it surprised him that it had grown into something so powerful so soon. Sighing as he left the tent, he decided he's just have to do what he could to ensure that her feelings ran just as deeply before they reached her village. As much as he wanted her to be with him, he couldn't bring himself to wish ill toward the other man. He hoped the man had survived, 'and found another woman to love.' He silently thought to himself. But he doubted any man would get over losing Sarah after only a few months. At least not enough to replace her with another.

When Gawain walked to the fire he saw that Lancelot had replaced Arthur on watch. He guessed that Arthur had gone to get some rest as soon as Tristan returned with news of any threats surrounding them. "So, did Tristan find anything of importance close by?" Lancelot watched him settle himself across the fire from him before answering. "Nothing. No Woads, or Saxons unless he missed something. Which I highly doubt." He saw the nod of understanding from the other knight before asking, "How is Sarah, she must have been exhausted to fall asleep so quickly tonight."

Gawain nodded, "Yeah, she barely moved when I took her to the tent." He hesitated a moment, "Lancelot, what if that other man is still alive somehow? Do you think she will go to him or stay with me?" Lancelot saw the turmoil in his eyes even in the darkness of night. "I don't know, Brother. Women are so hard to read sometimes. I think she loves you, but I think we may have been a little too forceful with our arguments that the Saxons never leave survivors. I think she now believes him dead thus releasing her from her vow. But I will tell you that whatever her decision, I think she will think long before making it. I just hope for your sake that she lets her heart rule instead of her duty." Gawain thought for a moment, "What do you mean by 'duty'?" he asked his friend.

"She once said that she had planned to marry this man since she was a small child. Maybe she would see being with you as breaking her word. Maybe she would feel obligated to stay with him even though her heart told her it would be the wrong thing to do." He shook his head, as he continued, "How do you think he will react to the news that she has lain with another man?" Gawain looked up quickly, "If it were me, I don't think I would care as long as she was alive. Do you think he will punish her for her infidelity? Would he make her stay with him to soothe his pride?" He asked the questions as though the thought had just occurred to him.

Lancelot waited before trying to answer them. He knew how he would feel, how he would react, but, he could only guess at the reactions of another. Especially one he knew nothing about. "I don't know. Who can know the heart of another? We'll just have to wait and see." Their conversation died and Lancelot slowly got up and walked around the fire. He placed his hand on Gawain's shoulder, "I'm going to try to get some sleep before Arthur calls for us to move out. Try not to worry overmuch. It won't change the outcome and could cause you to do something that would hurt your cause." Giving one final squeeze to the other man's shoulder, he went in search of his bedroll wondering how one woman could affect such a ladies' man in such a short amount of time.


	23. Union

Your reviews rock! Thankfully, I can check my email from work (and I do regularly!) so I get to read them before they hit the fanfiction site! I'm not going to give any hints about what happens at the village... you can try asking Tracy137, she gave me the best idea (which I'm running with before she changes her mind!). Hope you enjoy this chapter... I try to give a little of Sarah's history to the knights so they will better understand her.

Same disclaimer still applies! Sigh...

The next day Arthur kept the pace slower than he had the day before. Gawain told Sarah it was because they were now in the forest and that Woads were especially adept at hiding themselves since the forest was their natural habitat. If they moved too swiftly, they could miss them allowing them to surround the small group as they traveled. His words made her look around the darkened woods more carefully, seeing movement when there was nothing there. "How far does this forest go? I remember traveling through woods when I traveled south, but I don't know if I just went through the outskirts because I don't seem to remember it being this dense."

Gawain heard the hint of fear in her voice and moved a little closer as their horses walked almost casually through the trees. "There will be clearings as we travel through, but I'm afraid this part of the island is mostly forest." He placed his hand on hers as they gripped the reins tightly. "Don't be afraid. We won't let anything happen to you." She looked up into his face, "I know. I'm just afraid of what will happen to you or one of the others trying to keep me safe." He saw the sadness reflected in her eyes but she spoke again before he could think of anything to say. "If we are attacked, promise me you will fight without trying to keep an eye on me. I will try to stay out of the way, but don't put yourself in danger because you want to save me. I couldn't bear to be the cause of your injury or especially your death." He saw the pleading in her face and wanted to reassure her. "I will do what I must, but don't think I could ever forget you were near. I would not be able to live with the knowledge that I did nothing to save you from harm."

Their moment was interrupted as Lancelot rode up, "The same goes for the rest of us. It is what we do, so don't worry about us." His flippant tone brought Sarah out of her melancholy mood. "You speak as if I would be concerned about your welfare. That ego of yours will be your downfall, Lancelot." She saw him flash his signature grin toward her, "That's right, keep saying that in front of your lover. We wouldn't want him to suspect anything, now would we?" He flirted and Sarah stole a glance toward Gawain. He seemed to accept Lancelot's flirting as teasing and she smiled. They had known one another too long to be jealous. This thought comforted her somehow. She didn't have to worry that any interaction between her and one of the other knights would cause trouble between them.

This thought brought back a memory that she didn't realize she had buried in her mind. She thought back to the day that she had been sitting on the bank of the small river that flowed by her village when one of the other young men had plopped down next to her. They had engaged in some idle conversation when Derek came stomping up demanding to know what the young man was doing trying to seduce his wife-to-be. Nothing she had said calmed his temper and the other man had suffered a bloody nose during the fight that had ensued. So lost in her memories of things that she had not questioned about his personality, she didn't realize that Arthur had ridden up beside Lancelot until he called her name. "What? I'm sorry, I didn't hear your question." She saw the look that passed between Gawain and Lancelot and wondered what it meant. But she had to listen to Arthur repeat his previous question and didn't have time to think about the look at that moment.

"Sarah, I asked if you recognized this part of the country." Arthur told her and she glanced around once more before replying. "No, I'm sorry. I don't remember the woods being this thick with foliage when I entered on my way south. We could well be kilometers from my village or just passing it by and I wouldn't know it." She slowly shook her head, "I'm afraid I'm not going to be of much help, am I?" Arthur immediately spoke up, "That's not true, Sarah. We just have to find the part of the forest you do recognize or wait until we get closer to the coastline. I'm sure you'll recognize something soon enough. Do you remember any well known villages that were near yours. Say, a ride of less than a day away?" He thought it might help if they knew which general direction to take.

"I don't remember any mention of it if there is. All I remember is talk of the ocean to the east, but it was said it was a few days journey and I never traveled that far away from home. My father once said that we lived in Britannia only barely," Arthur saw her smile for a moment, "He said if we had not moved north when the Romans invaded we would be considered Romans instead of Britons. But since the Wildmen were between us and the Roman Empire we would be safe." Her smile faded and she finished, "He didn't know how wrong he was." Arthur had a general idea of where to look for her village and wanted to take her mind off the thoughts she was now having. "If you get tired before we stop for our mid-day break, just tell Gawain. Tristan says the way is clear for several kilometers so we can stop when we desire." Having said that and waiting for her to acknowledge what he said, he quickly moved back to the head of the line. Arthur was not just a leader in name.

They traveled for a while longer before Arthur called for them to stop. "We will camp here for the remainder of the day and night. If I calculated it correctly we should be getting close to the edge of this forest and I'd rather not reach it with only a little light left. We will get an early start tomorrow and should reach the end by midday. Tristan…" Sarah saw Tristan head north without waiting to be told. She wondered if the man ever got a chance to rest like the others.

Again, Gawain helped her dismount and took her horse to Jols to unsaddle and brush. Coming back toward her, he watched as she looked around the small clearing. She piqued his curiosity when she suddenly headed toward the trees to the west of the campsite. Once she got near the line of trees, she stopped and looked around again. He thought she recognized the way everything looked and made his way toward her new position. "Sarah, do you see something you've seen before?" He asked her as he came to stand beside her. She only nodded absentmindedly and headed toward one tree in particular. Once she reached it, she bent down and slowly started pulling the leaves and brush away from the roots that were exposed on top of the ground.

She gave a delighted yelp and quickly stood up, holding a small bag covered in dirt and debris. She opened the drawstring and pulled something out. Gawain saw it was a leather cord with something metal attached. When she turned toward him, she exclaimed. "I slept here on my way to the fort. I awoke one morning and heard the sounds of people heading this way. In my eagerness to get away before whoever it was found me, I left this. When I realized it was missing, I had traveled at least a day to the south and thought I'd never see it again." Gawain saw the happiness on her face at retrieving her belonging. "What is it?" he whispered, trying not to disturb her elated mood.

She held it up by the leather and he saw it was an intricately carved piece of silver. It reminded him of a small rope that had been woven and tied together hiding the beginning and the end of the rope. He wondered if it was some kind of puzzle. "My mother gave this to me when I was but a young lass. She wore it when she married my father and I was to wear it when I married…" She let her words trail off when she realized she was about to speak of Derek to the man she now loved. Gawain saw her hesitation at mentioning her former love and prompted her to continue. "When you were to marry Derek." He finished her statement for her. "Yes. But a lot has happened since then and I will wear it when I marry, whoever that man might be, I don't think it will Derek." Then her voice going softer, "Even if he lives." She finished her statement. Gawain almost let the remark go, not wanting to seem to push her into anything, then he decided it didn't matter if she felt coerced. "You will wear it when you marry me." He said the words with an emphasis on the final syllable.

Sarah heard Gawain and looked up into his eyes. She saw the love she had hoped was there and gave him a smile as she stepped into his arms. "Yes, when I marry you, I will wear my mother's necklace. It is the sign of 'union' symbolizing two people who have overcome all obstacles to be together. My father wore its twin around his neck, never taking it off." Gawain held her close, reveling in the feel of her warm body against his. He now felt better about what they would find when they found her village, whatever might be left of it. "I'll tell Arthur that we are at least headed in the right direction." He leaned over and kissed her gently, "I'll be right back," he told her as he turned to leave.

Sarah watched him walk away, then turned her attention to the silver symbol in her hand. She wished she had the other one to give to Gawain on their wedding day. This thought made her think of the man who had raised her to be strong and independent. He had tried so hard to make sure she knew that love was something to be cherished and nurtured. He had told her many times as they walked through the village that without love there wasn't much reason to do the things necessary to live. She felt the tears prickle her eyelids as she silently hoped if her parents had not both survived the attack, that at least they would have perished together. For if one of them had survived she was sure it wouldn't have been for very long. She gently wrapped the cord around the pendant and placed it back in the bag, tying the strings to hold it safely inside. She then tied the strings around her belt and tucked it into her pants. She would be sure to keep it safe this time for she was surely supposed to have it to have found it after so long.

When Gawain returned, he found Sarah gathering wood for the fire. She seemed pleased when he told her that Arthur was glad to hear the news that they were getting closer to their destination. The rest of the evening was spent in easy banter between the men as they ate and rested for the rest of the journey. Sarah had listened intently when the knights had spoken of the fact that they had not seen any signs of the Saxons. But Arthur had been swift to point out that they had not happened upon any villages either and until they did, and saw whether it had been attacked, they would assume the Saxons were still somewhere in the vicinity or at the very least, somewhere on the isle.

Tristan returned before darkness fell and joined the others as they sat around a campfire, talking as the food slowly roasted over the dancing flames. He told Arthur that he hadn't seen any sign of trouble and Galahad began to grumble about being away from the fort for no good reason. He seemed to have forgotten that part of the reason was to visit Sarah's village to determine what had happened to her people, only remembering when Bors nudged him in the ribs as he motioned in her direction with his head. He looked toward her and found her staring into the fire, only glancing up at him when he began trying to cover up his blunder. "Well, she's happy now with Gawain so I don't see why she needs to go back to see if that other man's alive or not." He finally spouted with indignation.

Sarah stared at him for a moment, then stood up, "Yes, Galahad, I am happy with Gawain. But if you had seen the smoke rise from your village, you would want to go back and see if your family had died." Then she looked around at the rest of them before continuing, "that's the only reason I want to go back." Then she sighed and sat back down, "I know I said loud and long that I wanted to return to my betrothed. But, now I see that he wasn't who I thought he was. I was only in love with, I don't know, being in love, I suppose." Her voice became quieter as she spoke and since she returned her gaze to the flames she didn't see the happy look on Gawain's face. Tristan spoke up, "How can you be in love with love? I've never heard of that before."

Sarah looked across the fire to where Tristan was sitting with his back against a tree. She wanted them to understand, just in case Derek was still alive. She didn't want them to think she was so fickle that she would change her feelings as soon as someone else gave an inkling they were interested. She wanted Gawain to know that her love would not go away. Finally, she spoke softly, "I became infatuated with Derek when I was still very young. He was a hard young man to ignore, even if I'd wanted to. Always, you would find him doing things that I considered brave back then, things like stopping the bullies from picking on other smaller boys. He was just larger than life to a naïve girl with fantasies of what the world was like outside my small sheltered life." She took a moment to pick up her cup of wine, she found this line of conversation made her mouth go dry. She was so afraid these men would not understand the heart of a young woman and think she was just a silly romantic. Finally, deciding they would think what they wanted no matter how much she agonized over things, she began telling them about her life.

"My father had always told me about the things he had seen in his life. He hadn't always lived where I grew up. He had settled there when he fell in love with my mother. He never told me where he came from, only that it was not Britain. I never wondered about his homeland, just listened to the stories of his travels and wanted to see some of the things he told me about. I guess Derek saw this and felt he had to impress me. I don't know what his motivations were for being the 'protector of the innocent' as he called himself, but looking back, I see that he really didn't protect anyone. He usually started the trouble, only taking credit for ending it just before it got out of hand. Maybe that was why my father kept pushing me to wait before deciding who I wanted to marry and settle down with. I just don't know, but for some reason he was reluctant to give his blessing until I begged and pouted to get my way." None of the knights tried to interrupt her as she talked. They actually seemed to be interested in what she had to say.

Gawain listened intently to her words. He was surprised and more than pleased that she didn't sound like she would miss the other man. He wanted to ask her but was afraid if he interrupted, she would decide not to tell them any more. So, like the others, he just sat there and listened as she spoke. "I remember once that Derek became upset that another boy in the village seemed to be interested in me, always trying to talk to me when he could catch me alone. Which wasn't often, thanks to my brother and Derek. Timothy thought I was too headstrong and would get into some kind of mischief if left alone and Derek just wanted to know where I was and what I was doing all the time." She finally looked up from the fire and saw that Gawain was looking at her, she told him, "Derek almost broke that boys arm once when he caught us talking beside the river. I should have seen then that he wanted to control me, but instead I believed him when he said he thought he was protecting me from unwanted attention. I should have seen a lot of things then, but it took Gawain to make me realize that a man doesn't have to smother you to love you. He just has to trust you."

Gawain smiled at her and winked, bringing a smile to her lips as well. She finally finished her story, "So, my going back to my village has nothing to do with Derek or whether I am happy with Gawain. I want to see my mother and father and tell him that he was right. I should have waited before deciding who I wanted to marry. I think he would be pleased with my choice, if I could tell him." Then with sadness she whispered, "I hope I can tell him." Gawain reached out and took her in his arms, holding her to his chest as he brushed her hair away from her face. "You will tell him if he survived the attack. If he didn't, he already knows your heart." He felt her relax a little and looked to Lancelot to change the subject to a happier one. Being the self-proclaimed clown of the group, Lancelot was only too happy to oblige.

"So, Bors, when are you going to marry Vanora and give all those bastards of yours names?" he shot at his friend. Bors being a little slower on the uptake, just went along because he thought Lancelot really wanted to know. "If she has her way, I won't have a choice. She's been talking about nothing else lately and I'm running out of excuses. Unless I get killed between now and then, it'll be as soon as I have my discharge papers." He sounded wistful at his lost bachelorhood and even Sarah had to smile. The others laughed out loud, save Tristan who was looking into the fire with a melancholy look on his face. Sarah made a mental note to ask him what had put him into such a sad mood, but she knew he would only feel the need to get away from everyone if she brought it up in front of the others.


	24. The Village

Thank you for all your reviews! I am so amazed and pleased that you like it thus far. Sorry it has been so long since the last update, but work has been hell! Short staffed, you know the old saying... over worked and under paid? A huge understatement! But it is almost over, so here I am again! To make it up, I am giving you two chapters today. Hope you enjoy!

The next day the small group came to the edge of the woods and rode into the meadow beyond. Gawain noticed that Sarah was looking around more intently and moved his horse a little closer to talk to her. "Does this look familiar to you?" he asked quietly to get her attention. She was turned almost all the way around on her saddle, looking to the right, toward the west. She suddenly pointed and said with excitement in her voice, "That way, my village is that way." Then she turned to the left, looking past Gawain, "I went that way when I came to this meadow. I wanted to stay close to the woods, but they looked so dark and eerie that I was afraid to venture into them very far." Then she looked at him with a look of confusion on her face, "I don't remember where I went after that, I must have wandered a long way to the east before heading south. It took me so much longer to get to the fort than it's taken us to get back."

Gawain reached out to take her hand in his and heard Dagonet shout, "There. A man." He looked in the direction that Dag was pointing and saw a man running away from them. He looked frantic and upset, shouting something they could not understand. Arthur turned toward the man and they quickly rode to catch him. As they got near, they heard him shouting, "Saxons! They've come back! To arms!" As they got to him, he turned to face the riders, catching them by surprise. Arthur reined in his big war horse, the horse pawing the air, trying to obey his master and stop before running the man down. The others all followed suit, some almost riding past before they could stop their forward momentum.

Tristan, ever ahead of the others, was the first to dismount, pulling his curved sword from his back. The man held his weapon more like a club than a weapon, leaving no doubt with the other knights that his end would come swiftly if he continued in his 'threatening' manner. Arthur spoke to the man, trying to use a friendly tone, which was not an easy task considering the man's posture. "Sir, we mean you no harm. I am a Roman commander with my knights. We are hereabouts checking on stories concerning Saxon attacks." The man looked quickly at Arthur, then jerked his head back to look at Tristan. Sarah saw that the man didn't trust that Tristan would not attack if he looked away. She tried to slowly inch her way around where she could see the man's face. Something about him seemed familiar, but no one she knew in her village would act this way.

Just as she was almost where she could see his face an arrow came streaking through the sky and struck the ground at Tristan's feet. She jerked her attention in the direction the arrow came from and saw a small group of men riding toward them, one holding a bow with another arrow nocked and aimed at Tristan. Squinting against the sun, she tried to determine who these men were. If they were men of her tribe she would announce herself and put a stop to all the nonsense, but even the man standing closest seemed foreign to her memory.

They all watched as the riders slowly moved closer. Finally, Sarah heard one of them shout, "Drop your weapons and dismount or the one standing will be the first to die." Arthur was about to shout back when he heard Sarah yell as loud as she could, "Timothy, it's Sarah!" She started to dismount and felt Gawain grab her arm. "Gawain, it's my brother. He's alive and I must tell him I'm back!" She gave him a pleading look and he released his hold on her arm, "Be careful, something doesn't feel right about this. I thought you said they didn't know how to fight?" He said in form of a question.

She looked up and slowly shook her head, "They didn't when I left." Then she slowly stepped around the horses and headed toward her brother. Before she had gone more than a few paces, he yelled, "Stay your advance or I WILL kill you. MY sister would not be riding with a bunch of Saxons. My Sarah is dead!" She kept walking, taking one step at a time, holding her hands in front of her so the men could see she had no weapon. She heard Gawain's whispered plea, "Sarah, stop." But she had to find out what had happened to her brother and why he did not recognize her. She had only been gone a little over six months and she knew she hadn't changed that much in such a short time. Even if her brother did appear to have done so. But she still recognized him and he should know her as well.

Arthur watched, afraid to make a move in case it put Sarah in more danger. The riders started toward the knights, whether it was to get to Sarah or the men, he couldn't tell. He turned toward Tristan, "Sheath your sword and get on your horse. Prepare for combat should they move to hurt her." Tristan nodded and did as Arthur bade him. "Gawain, if there is any sign of trouble, get her and get her out of here." Arthur didn't look to see if the man would do as asked. He probably would have without being asked. The tautness of his muscles radiated out for all to feel.

Sarah walked slowly forward as if she and the riders were the only ones involved in this. The man she called Timothy spoke to the others sitting on their horses and slowly rode toward her alone. Arthur saw Gawain's horse prance in anticipation of his master's next move. He held his hand out to stop him, "Wait. Let's see what happens. He does not have a threatening demeanor yet." He stole a glance at him and saw the shock on his face, "By the time I get there now he could already have harmed her. If I wait, I might as well plan on doing nothing." But Arthur noted he did not move toward her.

When Timothy got close enough to really get a good look at this woman who claimed to be his sister, he saw that it truly was her. He dismounted and ran to embrace her in a hug. "Oh, Sarah, I thought I had lost you as well. The gods must have been watching over you for you to return unharmed after so long." He looked back at the knights, "Derek will be pleased that you have returned. I have much to tell you, but we must go to the village or he will be angry that I didn't report this quickly." He took her arm and started to lead her towards his horse, but she pulled back. "Wait, Timothy. We must let Arthur and his knights catch up to us." She wanted to tell him of Gawain, but for some reason she didn't think he would listen to her. He seemed uneasy and reluctant to do as she asked.

"Timothy, what is wrong? You're acting strangely." She questioned him. Again she saw the hesitation before he released her arm and mounted his horse. "You will accompany us to the village. As our prisoners. Until it is decided whether or not your escorts mean us no harm. Saxons caught us unawares once. It will not happen again." Having said that he rode back toward his friends, leaving Sarah standing to watch with her mouth hanging open at the turn of events. She finally turned back toward Arthur and the rest. Her step was a little quicker on the return, but she felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. She would never have dreamed her beloved brother would treat her thus! She had been afraid the invasion had taken all that she loved from her, but she had never thought of the effects it would have on them if any had survived. What had Timothy seen that had changed him so? She felt the tears stinging her eyes and quickly brushed them away with her hands.

She heard the sound of hooves and looked up to find the knights all riding slowly toward her. Gawain stopped beside her and pulled her up in front of him, holding her a little tighter than she thought was needed. The sound of Arthur's voice made her look toward the commander. "Sarah, what happened? What did your, brother say?" She felt tears slowly rolling down her cheeks, "We are to be their prisoners. Until it can be decided whether or not you mean to attack my village." She wiped her eyes with her hands, "He didn't believe me, my brother who I was closer to than anyone else, save my father and he didn't believe me." She tried to hold back the sob that was rising in her breast, but felt Gawain pull her closer against his chest, letting her know she had failed. She turned her head and let him hold it against him with his hand on her cheek. He gently rubbed her hair and kissed the top of her head.

Arthur looked over Sarah and Gawain to the men sitting impatiently for them to comply. Finally, he sighed, "Men put all weapons away and ride slowly toward them. We will go along until we get to the village and find out what is going on." The knights reluctantly did as they were told and Arthur took the lead with Gawain and Sarah beside him. As they approached, he called out, "I am Artorius Castus of the Roman Empire. My knights and I will accept your terms to avoid unnecessary bloodshed until this misunderstanding is straightened out. But, we will not relinquish our weapons until we are certain no ill intent is in your minds." He waited and saw the hesitation on the other man's face. Finally, he nodded toward Arthur and the group of men moved to the side to allow Arthur to lead the way. He noticed that two of the men rode beside him and Gawain, but this, Timothy, rode in the back. As he would himself, if escorting an enemy to the fortress.

Sarah felt the tension emanating from all the men, both the knights and her countrymen. It would not take much to feed the fire that burned in all of them. She looked around at the men 'escorting' them to the village. They all looked different than she remembered. Harder, somehow. She didn't doubt that they could wield the weapons they now carried instead of farming tools. But she knew they would be no match for the skilled fighters that now rode as her companions.

It surprised her that she would be comparing her people to the knights. It surprised her more that she found them wanting. What could she do to keep any of them from being killed should trouble start? If she could do nothing, who would she give her allegiance to? She loved Timothy as much as herself, but she loved Gawain more than her own life. Could she live with the knowledge that she could not stop the deaths of these two men when she somehow thought she had brought this all on?

Oh, why hadn't she just stayed at the fort? Her mind shouted. Then she wouldn't be faced with the possibility of such a choice. 'And never know for sure if your brother, or your family, had survived?' a voice deep within her heart shouted back at her, mocking her indecision. The ride home was plagued with dark thoughts and fears swirling in her troubled mind, to the point that she wished she could scream!


	25. Derek

As promised... enjoy!

When they rode into the village a few moments later, Sarah noticed the difference in the way the people behaved. Instead of shyly greeting them, these people clutched weapons tightly, fear and suspicion on their faces. She was marveling at the changes and failed to see the man standing in front of them until they stopped. She heard a horse fast moving to the head of the group and saw Timothy stop to talk to a man. She couldn't see who the man was until Timothy's horse moved to the side as they looked at the knights. "Derek!" she exclaimed softly. Although she had whispered, she knew Gawain had heard her by the way he tightened his hold on her. She looked back over her shoulder and saw the scowl on his face and knew he thought she was pleased to see him. "That's not what I meant. I was just surprised to find him in charge." She explained. She felt him relax and saw the scowl lessen. Knowing that problem was solved, she turned back toward her brother and the man she had once promised to marry.

As Timothy was talking, she saw a look of fury flash across Derek's face. She saw him move to come toward them, then stop and say loudly, "Although your help in returning my bride to me is greatly appreciated, you cannot enter in peace, as you claim to desire, with your weapons. Remove them or you will not be allowed to enter." He looked at each knight, then turned to Timothy. After saying a few words, he turned and headed into a large hut that stood in the center of the village. There had never been a hut in the center before. Only a large fire pit where all the men of the village met to discuss never needed discussing. The women were not forbidden to attend these 'meetings' and some did, but most just took that opportunity to sit together and talk amongst themselves.

All these thoughts crossed her mind in the time it took Timothy to ride back to their position. "Derek says you are to be taken to the council hut to wait for him." Then as if an afterthought, "you must go unarmed." He stared directly at Arthur and waited for him to nod. Sarah watched the commander's face and saw resignation there before he spoke. "Gawain, you and Lancelot will accompany us," then he turned to Timothy, "the rest will camp away from the village until this is sorted out."

The three men dismounted and made to lead their horses as they walked. Timothy did not move as he said, "Your horses cannot go. War horses make formidable weapons as well." Sarah wondered at the knowledge her brother now possessed. She also wondered what had made the fury appear on Derek's face. Even if he cared little for her, he would not take kindly to being replaced so easily while she was gone. Especially by someone he would know he could not best. Without thinking, she leaned into Gawain and felt him tighten his arm on her shoulders. After the cold reception she had thus received, his presence gave her a sense of security and she was thankful that he was there.

They reached the large hut and entered single file. She had started in first, but Gawain had held her back as he stuck his head through the opening. Finding nothing amiss, he let her precede him and the others all came behind them. Inside the hut was one single room with mats woven from straw for them to sit on. In the center of the mats was a fire pit where a small fire burned. On one side she saw that one mat was on a platform making it sit higher than the others. Derek, it seemed, still had to be the best or at least in this instance, he had to appear best. To the back of the hut, Sarah saw a door that she could only assume lead to another room, being too far toward the center of the hut to be a back exit. It was unusual for their huts to have more than one way in or out, so she assumed Derek lived behind the meeting room. How like him to want to be the center of attention, even when no attention was necessary!

Since everyone was standing just inside the room, she moved to one of the mats and sat down. She would not stand around and be uncomfortable and uneasy around her own people! The knights followed suit, with Arthur sitting on one side of her and Gawain on the other. Lancelot sat next to Arthur. Timothy and William, a boy only a few years older than she, stood outside the circle and gave all appearances of guarding them. What could she do to make Derek see the folly in treating these men as prisoners? Could she make him see that these men should be honored for bringing her all the way home instead of mistreating them so terribly? The changes in her people made her sad and when she saw Derek enter the room, she knew he recognized her sad face as they locked eyes.

He hesitated when he found her eyes with his. Then breaking eye contact, he strode into the circle and as Sarah had thought lounged on the taller mat. Timothy and William never moved. If she hadn't known them, she would have thought them guards of some high ranking person of this village. They almost stood at attention as the Roman legionnaires did back at the fort whenever Arthur walked up. Slowly the anger she didn't know she felt at how things appeared started to bubble. She jumped up and went to stand directly in front of Derek. "How dare you treat me and my _guests _this way! You know who I am, yet you treat me like some criminal." She stood with her hands on her hips, angrier than she had ever been, waiting for some kind of response from the man.

Derek slowly looked around the circle, taking in each one's reaction to Sarah's words. He noted the way the one with the long, blonde hair had almost followed her. He was the one she had been riding with when they arrived. Even though there was another horse, riderless, being led behind them. 'So, this man thinks he can take what is mine.' He thought as he slowly stood to face the woman he'd planned to marry. "What right do you have to enter our village in the company of _seven_ _men_ and expect to be welcomed as you would before you left us?" He looked pointedly at Gawain before he continued, "I watched for you every day and thought surely the Saxons had found you when you didn't return. I never would have believed that you would have found 'something' that could keep you away from me for so long." When he finished speaking, he raised his hand and struck her across the face, knocking her backwards. He saw her raise her hand to her lip and feel the blood on her split lip.

Before she could react to the blow, she saw Gawain jump up and bound over the small fire. He knocked Derek down and had him by the throat. Timothy had a sword at the back of Gawain's neck and Sarah heard him say vehemently before he released his hold, "If you ever touch her again, I will kill you!" She jumped up, wiping the blood on her hand off on her tunic. "Wait, Timothy, don't!" she pleaded. Arthur and Lancelot were standing ready to go to the aid of their friend. This was spiraling out of control and only she could get all of their attention at once. She put her hand on Timothy's arm and although she felt him move away from her touch, he withdrew the sword and looked into her face. She saw the sadness directed toward her and she looked away. Timothy then reached down and helped Derek get to his feet. She went to Gawain and helped pull him to his feet. Once he was standing, he reached over and touched her lip, a look of pure hatred on his face.

She led him back to their places around the fire and as she sat down she gave Derek a look of disgust. She regretted ever placing her trust and love, little as it turned out to be, in the man sitting across from her. Even if she didn't love Gawain with all her heart, she would never be able to love the man Derek had become. She saw him straighten his clothes before he deemed it necessary to speak again. "Well, I see my _faithful_ bride-to-be has given you the impression that it is acceptable to care for her." He turned his eyes to her and said with malice, "but I can assure you, to think such thoughts is folly. She belongs to me and I will not allow any other man to lay claim."

She felt Gawain tense in preparation of another attack. Timothy must have noticed the same, for he moved closer to Derek, holding the sword at the ready. This was truly the last straw. "Derek, I am no longer to be considered your 'bride-to-be'. Father was right, it was a mistake, but thankfully, a mistake that can be remedied." She saw him flash a look of malice toward Gawain, then turning back to her, "Oh, but you are mistaken, my love. You will be my wife."

His arrogant attitude made her stomach clench. If not for the fact that she wanted to avoid any trouble, she would have jumped the fire as Gawain had earlier done, but under the circumstances, she thought it best if she just tried to reason with the man. "Derek, I cannot marry you. You are not the man I once thought you to be and surely you have no wish to marry a woman who does not come willingly to you?" She was surprised that instead of looking at her as he spoke, he looked directly at Gawain, "It matters not what you feel. You. Will. Be. My. Wife."

Sarah was in such a state of shock at his words, not to mention his tone, that she just sat there and stared at him. His stare was directed solely at Gawain and she looked to see that he was not looking away from Derek either. As much as she wanted to avoid trouble, she knew that sooner or later there would be trouble between these two men. She placed her hand on Gawain's arm, trying to draw his gaze from the other man. Whether he felt her movement or not, he did not look away. He reluctantly broke the stare when he heard Arthur call his name. He looked at his commander and heard him say quietly, "Don't let him goad you. That's his goal and you have no reason to worry. He will not hurt her again. He only hit her to see if someone would react. By doing so, you gave him the answer he was seeking." After a moment, Gawain nodded and looked into the fire.

He knew Arthur was right in his analysis. But he couldn't get over how he'd felt when he saw her struck. He had never wanted to kill someone so badly as he had at that moment. It would have been worth it if he'd been run through, to have seen the light of life slowly extinguished in the man's eyes. To see the look of satisfaction wiped from his face and replaced by one of terror. Gawain suddenly realized he had never experienced such hatred before and it was hard to forget the emotion, He slowly got his breathing under control and began to relax.

Feeling exhausted from the emotional turmoil, he turned to Sarah's brother and asked, "Can we not have something to drink? Our own skins are with our mounts." He saw the other man look at him and wondered what he thought about this Derek striking his sister. But from the way he had gone to the other man's aid instead of checking on her told him where his loyalties now lay. He continued to stare at Timothy until he lowered his gaze and motioned for the other man to bring them something.

Derek stood and looked at her expectantly. Sarah patted Gawain's arm and slowly stood. She walked over to where Derek was standing, waiting for her. She wanted to scratch his eyes out for slapping her. He was lucky Gawain did not have a weapon, then realized that was the purpose of relieving them of their weapons. He could do pretty much anything he wanted and not have to worry about consequences. "You would be wise not to underestimate Gawain or any of the others. Any of them could kill you with their bare hands if need be." She spoke through clenched teeth as she stepped up beside him. Watching his face, she saw the flicker of doubt cross over his eyes, quickly hidden as he half closed them for a moment.

"So… Gawain is his name. He would be just as wise not to try to take something that does not belong to him. Otherwise, I might have to make an example of him." He watched her face closely before smiling and reaching for her hand, "Come, tell me of your journey." Sarah noted that the smile was only on his face, she still saw something in his eyes that disturbed her. She felt that the man in front of her was capable of many things she would never have thought him capable of before. The challenge in his eyes frightened her and she began to doubt the sanity of his mind. Deciding to listen to her inner voice, she put her hands together in front of her and said, "I see no reason to leave this room. There is very little to tell."

She saw anger briefly contort his features before he once again showed her what she assumed was supposed to be a smile. He spoke softly, "I feel the fear in you, what could you possibly fear from a man who loves you?" She decided to stop all the pretending and just get it over with. She was tired of all these games. "Oh, I don't know, for starters let's discuss how I and my friends are being treated as enemies. Then we can move on to how you struck me only minutes ago. If you would go so far as that in front of seven other men, nine, if you count my brother and William, then I have every right to fear what you might do with no one watching." She realized she had put her hands on her hips and that he had just glanced down at them, before looking back at her with a smirk.

"Sarah, my lovely, do you think I need to get out of sight of these… these heathens, to do anything I might like to do? You have much to learn about the new ways of your people." He waited for her to respond and when she didn't, he said, "Very well, if you wish to stay here, then I will not force you to leave. I choose my battles and right now, this one is not worth the effort." He led her away from the group. Coming to a large wooden pillar to one side of the room, he leaned against it and crossed his arms over his chest. Even if he had not changed so much, the look he gave her would have made her angry. He looked at her as one would a small, unruly child that needed to be taught how to act in front of adults. She'd be damned if she would let him get away with such treatment of her.

"Derek, why do you feel it necessary to treat people the way you are treating me, not to mention Arthur and his knights? Does it make you feel like a bigger man?" For a split second, she thought she had pushed too hard. She saw him flinch and prepared for the sting when he slapped her again. But instead, he just laughed. "I have no need to feel like a big man. I am a big man. No one even so much as shouts without my knowing it before hand. Things are so much different now that the old ways have been discarded. Just wait, you'll see." She noted that toward the end of his little speech, he had sounded like a child who wanted approval for a job well done. Had he always been this close to being insane? Why had her father not warned her since he seemed to know there was a reason she should not promise to marry him? Knowing she would never find the answers she was seeking, she sighed, "You're wrong, Derek, I will not see. I won't be here long enough to see anything. I only came back to see if my family survived, since Timothy is the only one and he doesn't seem to care whether I am fine, then I see no reason to linger. We will be leaving as soon as I inform Arthur of my decision."

This time his laughter was real. When he finally subsided, he told her, "I'm afraid that won't be possible. You see, now that you have returned to me, I am reluctant to let you leave again. It seems you, and your friends, will remain my guests for a while longer, reluctantly I see, but guests none the less." He gave her a slight bow, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have things to see to. Timothy will escort you to your rooms." Then he hesitated as he turned to leave her, "I'm afraid you will not be allowed to stay with this knight of yours. It is forbidden for a man to lay with a woman out of matrimony in our village. Funny, of all the old laws, that is the one I would choose to keep since you lay with me before we wed. But very fitting when dealing with whores."

Before she realized what she was doing, she slapped him, hard enough to make his teeth cut his upper lip. Blood slowly welled up before slipping down his chin and he reached up to wipe it away. "That one makes us even. But don't let there be another time, for I will not let our past protect you from my wrath. You will suffer the same fate as anyone else who goes against my word." He looked at the blood on his hand, then back at her. He reached out and wiped his blood on her cheek, then turned and went back through the door he had come out of before.

She stood there for what seemed like a long time, just staring after him. She turned when she felt someone put a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Gawain standing behind her and Timothy standing ready should he try to go after Derek. He took his thumb and wiped at the blood smeared across her cheek. She shook her head and told him, "He's insane, he says we must remain as his 'guests' for a while longer." She sounded so sad and frightened he asked, "What did he do to you to make you strike him?" His tone said he would not let the subject drop. She wanted to tell him it was nothing, she just wanted to pay him back for hitting her, but she knew if she lied he would know. "He called me a whore! Then he said I would not be allowed to stay with you since laying together out of wedlock is forbidden." She took his arm in both her hands, "Promise me you will not leave me alone. I don't know these people any more. Derek frightens me, maybe more than the Saxons."

He took her in his arms, holding her close. "I promise. You will not leave my side until we are out of this place. Come, let's tell Arthur what is going on." He released his hold on her and reached for her hand. She gladly let him take it in his relishing the feeling of security the small gesture gave her. They went back to the seats they had next to Arthur and Sarah told him what had transpired between her and Derek. He listened intently, then told her, "I think it best if you stay as close as possible to the rest of us." She heard Lancelot cough loudly and looked to see Timothy heading toward them. Arthur stood up, followed closely by the others, with Sarah being the last to stand.


	26. Insanity

Thanks for the reviews! Yes Derek is a 'stinker' and you can thank Tracy137, she gave me the idea that I'm using in this part of the story. But unfortunately, the worst is not over yet. Hope you enjoy this one...

Disclaimer: I forgot it last time, I guess I just thought everyone already knows, so... But here it is: I do not own the legend, the characters, nor the story. (Sigh).

"You are to follow me," Timothy directed toward Arthur and the knights. "And you," he turned toward her, "are to stay with me." Before Sarah could say a word, Gawain stepped up, "She does not leave my side." Timothy was about to speak again when Arthur interrupted, "My men and I are responsible for her safety. We will not let her out of our sight." For a minute it seemed her brother would not let it drop, then as suddenly as Gawain had spoken for her, he said, "It is not wise to go against him. He is a ruthless man and no one is powerful enough to stop him when he has his mind made up. I will aught let anything happen to my sister while she is in my care. It is a promise I made to our dying father. I cannot keep that promise if she is elsewhere." The pleading look on his face made Sarah hesitate to go against him. She turned to him, "May I take a moment to speak with my friends?" When he nodded and moved away, she turned to Gawain. "I don't think he would break a promise to father, not even for Derek." She looked back at Timothy and felt Gawain stiffen beside her, then Arthur said, "She's right. And no one will be likely to try to harm her as long as we do nothing to provoke it."

Reluctantly, Gawain agreed, but not before turning to Timothy, "Break your word and you will die." Timothy nodded and waited for Sarah to step up to his side. Then he led them all toward the eastern side of the village, toward a group of huts that were apart from the rest of the people's homes. "You will share these huts. It matters little who stays in which hut, they will all be guarded." He turned to Sarah, "You will come to our family hut. I have lived there since the death of Anna and my unborn son." Before she knew it, she had stopped walking and put her hand on her brother's arm. "Oh, Timothy, I'm so sorry. You know I loved her like a sister, and I will miss her terribly." She felt the tear slip down her cheek as she remembered the woman who was married to her brother.

Timothy slowly reached out and wiped the tear from her face. "I know, she would be happy to know you are safe. She worried that you were alone in a strange world." Then he remembered the others standing around them, "but I see you were in good care while you were gone." Then he turned to Gawain, "I will not let harm come to her while with me. That I promise you, for I love my sister dearly and she is all I have now." He saw Gawain weigh his words before nodding, then he turned and headed away from the huts with Sarah by his side, leaving Arthur and the others to fend for themselves.

Lancelot stood near a small opening in the wall and looked outside. When he turned back to the group he told them, "There are at least a dozen men guarding these huts. I would guess these are the strongest and best fighters of the men in case we try to do anything." Arthur nodded his agreement, "Then I say we give them no reason to suspect we are planning anything." The other two exchanged worried looks, then Lancelot sat on the edge of the only table in the room, "Well, Commander, just what is your plan?" His tone left no doubt that he knew his friend well enough to know he had some kind of plan working in his mind.

"We do nothing." Was all his said as he began pacing. He stopped to look at Gawain when he all but shouted, "Nothing! How can you just stand around and let this zealot run the show?" then lowering his voice, "I don't like Sarah being away from us and I'm not sure I trust that brother of hers."

Arthur held up his hand, "I agree. But until the sun sets anything we might try will only cause trouble and could put Sarah in greater peril. Derek is too cocky in his attitude. He seems too sure that he has control and I wonder at the reason for those feelings. When the sun sets, then we will make a move. I think the only reason to separate her from us was to have some kind of leverage to keep us in line. If we appear to accept this, they might lessen the guards. Tristan will join us under the cover of darkness and bring our weapons."

"He's not going to let her go without a fight. I've seen it in his face. He doesn't really want her, he just doesn't want her to be with me." Gawain said softly. He sounded tired. Arthur walked over and clapped him on the shoulder, "I don't think it is you, my friend, he would do the same if it were anybody else. His nature is controlling and he will not be satisfied until he feels he has control over her." Gawain slowly nodded his agreement, "and she will not be controlled. That much is certain." He hesitated, "do you think her brother will be able to keep her safe?"

Arthur studied his knight before he answered, knowing his answer would not be enough to assuage his worry. "As much as he can, I think he will. My thought is that Derek will have forgotten she is even here unless he sees her with one of us, especially you. Just another reason to be glad she is with Timothy. Now, let's seriously try to get some rest. The sun will be behind the horizon soon and it may be a long night." With that, he turned and stretched out on one of the straw mattresses laying against the wall. It wasn't comfortable, but it was better than the floor. He failed to mention to Gawain that he suspected Derek had help from somewhere. How else could such a simple group of villagers keep everything under a form of martial law? What concerned Arthur most was who this help was from.


	27. Sibling Reunion Interrupted

To all who read and especially those of you who took a moment out of your busy schedules to let me know what you think of my story, I say THANK YOU! This chapter is much longer than it was originally, but I had a dream... (to borrow a famous line) and in it I decided that Sarah's father would be a former knight. I hope you like this... let me know!

Disclaimer: Again, I iterate that I do not own the legend of King Arthur and lay no claims to the depiction of said legend by either the writer, David Franzoni; the director, Antoine Fuqua; nor the producer, Jerry Bruckheimer. I wish I could lay some claim, even if only a very minute part, but I can't, so please don't take offense if you do own any of the above. I only write for my own entertainment and as a way to show gratitude for such a wonderful story of a time in history that is not as romantic as we want to think.

Sarah walked into the hut she had grown up in and found most everything the way it had been before she left. The one thing that stood out as different was the weapons either leaning against or hanging from one wall. Her father had never kept more than a hunting knife and bow and the various swords and knives she saw upset her. She knew her mother would have been very unhappy at the situation, but sensing that Timothy had reverted somewhat back to the brother she remembered, she was reluctant to say anything negative.

As she watched him, she saw that the first thing he did was put away the sword he'd been carrying since she arrived. Then, pouring himself some wine, he offered a cup to her. She took it and thanked him, sipping some of the pungent liquid. Once he had downed the first cup and poured another, he came over to the table to sit across from her. She saw him looking at her quizzically and she wondered what was going through his mind. After several minutes, she began to feel a little uncomfortable at the scrutiny. But instead of dropping her gaze, she stared back. Finally, with a sigh, he said, "How did you make it all the way to Hadrian's Wall? I feared you had perished the first day."

She almost lied and told him it hadn't been that hard, but she knew he wouldn't believe her, so instead she told him the truth. How she had almost been too weak to walk any more when the wall finally came into sight. How she had been starving and filthy. And finally, how Vanora had given her a job when she healed enough, so she could earn enough money to return home. She even told him about her relationship with Gawain, how she had left the wall heading home and the knights prodded on by Gawain, had followed and saved her from the Woads. How he had been injured saving her and while nursing him back to health, she had fallen in love. She hadn't realized how long she had been talking without being interrupted until she finished her story and looked into his eyes.

She saw anger and resentment and it startled her. "Timothy, why does my tale make you so angry? Are you not happy that I was rescued and brought back to find you?" He quickly tried to hide his emotions, but she had already seen. After a moment he stood up so quickly he knocked the chair over. He stood there just looking at her and ran his hand through his hair in what appeared to be frustration. "Sarah, I thought I had lost everything. I lost our parents, my wife and my unborn son. I thought I had lost the sister I cherished only to find that she had been well and happy whilst I sat here and slowly drove myself crazy wondering what I could have done to protect the people I cared for most in the world." His anguish came through in his voice and she slowly stood up and walked around the small table to stand directly in front of him.

"You blame me for your unhappiness? How could I be to blame for something I couldn't help? While you were sitting here playing warrior with your friends, I was in a strange place. Surrounded by strange people. The relationships I forged during my time away were not easy. I was afraid to trust anyone. All I did was work and dream of the day I could come back and resume the life I thought I had. No one could have been more shocked to realize that the life I had back here was only a shell of the life I truly wanted." The sadness that her words brought upon her heart was reflected in the tears that welled up in her eyes. "Can you tell me what I've done that is so wrong? What I've done to make you so bitter that you would allow me to be treated the way I've been since I arrived?"

She wanted him to put his arms around her and comfort her in the way only he, her blood, could. But his stance spoke of uncertainty and suspicion, so instead she turned to walk away. His movement stopped her and she looked back to find him standing directly behind her with his arms about to encircle her in the hug she so desperately needed. As her brother hugged her close, she let the tears fall. Tears for her parents. Tears for her sister-in-law and the nephew she would never know. But mostly, tears for the brother, who in his loss, had turned to a crazed madman as his guide back into the world of the living. "Timothy, come back to the wall with us. You can start a new life and we can be together as a family again. The people there will welcome you. They are good people."

He looked at her face and saw the pleading in her eyes. How he wished he could do as she asked. But he knew only too well what Derek would do if he tried. They would all die for his betrayal and more than anything, he wanted to keep his promise to the knight. He wanted to keep his sister safe so she could move forward and forget all the heartbreak this village held. "I'll think on it." He lied to her. And he saw that she knew he was lying. He expected her to begin her pleading anew, but astonishingly, she only nodded as she pulled out of his hug. He watched as she went back to her place at the table and as she sat down, he reached behind him and pulled his chair back up. He sat down and poured another cup of wine, offering her some. She shook her head, "I've never really had a taste for wine. And working long hours serving it to a bunch of drunken men hasn't made it more appealing."

He caught the nervousness in her laugh and saw that she was trying to pretend that all would be well for him. If only that were so. He would leave the wine alone and plan for the life she offered at 'her' wall. He decided to go along with her pretense, for right now he enjoyed pretending that things were not as bad as they really were. The siblings spent a long time just sitting at the table remembering times that were happier, more carefree. Timothy was in the middle of telling her that their father had been increasingly worried just before the attack, and that he had started watching everyone around them with a look of suspicion. He stopped talking in mid-sentence and she raised her head to see why he had stopped. The pensive look he was giving her troubled her for a moment. But the question caught her totally by surprise.

"Do you know where Father came from?" he asked her. She slowly shook her head before answering, "No, I knew he came from somewhere other than Britain, but he never said where when he told me stories of how different things were in other places. I always thought he just used those stories to entertain me. Where did he come from?"

"I actually found it rather poetic that of all the men in Britain you should fall in love with a Sarmatian knight." His answer seemed to be a change of subject, but she was too intrigued by his statement to protest at the change. She just looked at him questioningly as he began to continue, "Father always told me that you got more of his blood than you did Mother's and I got more of her British blood. That's why he told you those stories more than me. Sarah, Father was a knight many years ago. A knight that was brought here from the lands across the great sea. A Sarmatian knight."

His words took a moment to settle into her brain, but finally she opened her mouth to argue, but found no words forthcoming. She was shaking her head, trying to figure out why he would make up such a story when he started telling her the story of how her father had been fighting for Rome when he met their mother. "He told me that she was such a beauty that he couldn't help but fall in love. She was fierce in her loyalty to her people and they argued about his 'duty' to the Roman Empire. He finally promised that he would forget all that he had learned from the Romans about Britain if she would agree to be his wife after his service was done." He hesitated for only a moment, but in that time Sarah found her voice.

"Why did they never tell me that story?" she quietly asked her brother. "All the times he told me the stories of his travels, he never once mentioned Sarmatia. Why?" Timothy reached across the table and placed his hand over hers, "Because he promised. He only told me because he wanted me to have some pride in the people that gave me half my heritage. Sons are supposed to be the ones who carry on the legacy of the father, but in this case I think he was disappointed. You would have made a better son, I think." She started to interrupt him and he help up his hand to stop her, "He never outright said so. I could just tell by his actions. He was not ashamed by anything he had done as a warrior for Rome, but he told me once that because of that service, he had lost many precious years. That's why he was so devoted to Mother and why he was so suspicious toward the end. I think he mistrusted Derek." He pulled his hand away from hers and she saw him wrestling with his own thoughts as he became quiet.

"As you do now?" She whispered. Timothy looked up quickly from the table where he had been tracing the pattern in the wood. With a loud sigh he agreed, "Yes, as I do now. But things have gone on for too long for me to just stand against him. I wouldn't last a full breath should I decide to try." This time she reached across the small table and took his hand loosely in hers, "Arthur and the others would stand behind you if only you would give them a chance. Timothy, Derek has lost the ability to reason. He's too full of his own importance and the feeling of power he has, has only added to the problem. The look in his eyes frightens me. I don't think he cares what has to be done as long as he can keep that power."

The sound of the door crashing open startled them and Timothy jumped back to grab his sword from the wall. The sound of Derek's voice, talking too loud in this small hut, grated on his nerves and he wished for the courage to run him through. If he had known what was about to happen, he would have done so, and been glad of his actions. Instead, he left the sword where it hung and greeted the man as he staggered into their home.

"Ah, I see my bride has learned to obey my commands." He said haughtily as he roughly ran his hands over her head and down to her neck. Sarah wanted to knock him away from her, but worried that Timothy would try to help her if she fought, she just sat still, with her eyes closed and hoped he would give up if she didn't respond to his goading. When he reached down to roughly take a breast in each hand, squeezing hard enough to bring a cry from her mouth, Timothy finally spoke, "Derek, I think you should go home and sleep off the wine. You cannot treat my sister this way in front of me and expect me to just do nothing."

Sarah looked up to see her brother edging his way to the wall of weapons and worried that in his drunken state, Derek would do something rash. Pleading with him with her eyes, she said, "Timothy, come sit. We can include Derek in our musings." Then she turned her head up to the man standing behind her, "Come, sit with us and remember the days when we were young and foolish. When the only worry we had was what our mothers would say when we came home soaked and dirty from our forays into the woods." She hoped her lighthearted tone would give them both reason to pause their actions and maybe remember some of the happier times she had mentioned. Instead, Derek, gave one final squeeze, then pulled his hands away as he said, "Is it not permitted for me to touch the woman I am to wed when she willingly lets another do so?"

Timothy had followed his lead for so long without balking, Derek expected the same this time. He stood leisurely by the table, looking at Sarah the whole time. "I would be a stupid, stupid man to think she has traveled so far with her 'friends' and kept herself pure just for me. One thing I am not, is a stupid man." The slap he gave her caught her so by surprise that she didn't have time to try to stop him. The pain he caused her brought tears to her eyes as she brought her hand up to touch the tender flesh on her cheek. Derek's actions must have caught Timothy off guard as well, for he stood there with his mouth open looking from the man who hit her, to her face, still cradled in her hand.

Suddenly, her brother lunged at the other man, knocking him to the hard floor. As they struggled for dominance, Sarah ran to the wall and grabbed the first weapon she could. It happened to be sword her brother had placed there earlier. When she ran up to the two men, she couldn't get close enough to use the dagger on Derek for fear she'd hit Timothy by mistake. As she tried to find an opening in the fight, she saw Timothy suddenly go limp as Derek hit him with the hilt of a dagger he had pulled from his clothes. She dropped the blade and rushed forward to help her brother. "Like I said, I am not a stupid man. I somehow knew she would bewitch you into betraying me." He shook his head in disappointment, "Just like she turned her father against me before she left." He gave Sarah a disgusted look, then grabbed her by the hair to pull her up from her brother's prone form.

"Come, my beautiful whore. William, take this traitor to the huts our 'guests' are staying in. I will deal with him later." As he spoke, he was pulling her toward the door, jerking with such force that she lost her footing and fell to the ground. He never slowed his progress as he drug her by her hair across the dusty ground. She was too surprised at this new turn to even feel the scrapes the hard earth was causing any exposed skin that came into contact with it.


	28. Rescue and Truths

Note: I just wanted to upload another chapter before my work week starts (Fridays are my Mondays!). Hope you enjoy and I'll try to do another chapter sometime this weekend. I usually have four or five chapters written ahead, but I read them several times (and edit) before I submit them. Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter and yes, Derek is insane. But then most power hungry people are a little off their rocker.

The commotion that Derek's men made as they arrived at the hut brought all three inside to attention. Suddenly the door burst open and Timothy was thrown to the floor without preamble. Then, leaving, they closed the door behind themselves. Gawain rushed over to Sarah's brother, "Arthur, he's unconscious, but he's alive." Then he began to shake the unconscious man, "Where is Sarah? Wake up man, tell me where your sister is!" Lancelot grabbed Gawain and tried to pull him away from the other man, "It will do little good if you kill him trying to wake him up. Let Arthur deal with him. I'm sure she is fine." As he spoke, he looked at Arthur and the commander saw the doubt reflected in his eyes.

"Gawain, find a cloth and wet it. We'll find out soon enough where she is, but I'm sure nothing will happen in the time it takes us to wake him." The look he gave Lancelot belied the confidence that his words were meant to instill in the worried man. He was sure that Derek meant no good toward the woman and only hoped they could do something before much harm befell her. As Gawain searched for a cloth, he mentally calculated the time since the sun went down. He was sure it would not take Tristan long to get to them with their weapons and then they would be able to search for the missing woman. He was sure they would find her at the council hut. The only problem for the time being was keeping Gawain calm enough that he would wait and not try to go off on his own before the others could help them.

Gawain was unsuccessful in locating a cloth, so he just turned up the pitcher of water he found, pouring all of it over the unconscious man. Timothy sputtered and tried to get up but Arthur held him down. "I'm sorry, that wasn't what I had in mind, but it seems it was effective. Timothy, what happened? Where is Sarah?" Timothy looked blankly into Arthur's eyes. "Sarah?" He answered in form of a question. "Sarah! Derek burst into my hut and took her. He was evidently drunk and when I tried to stop him he knocked me out. I don't know where they went, but I can assume he took her to the Council Hut."

Gawain started toward the door as soon as Timothy said Derek had taken Sarah, only to find Lancelot standing in his way. "Move, Lancelot, or I will go through you." Gawain ground out through clenched teeth. He saw Lancelot glance in Arthur's direction and felt his commander put his hand on his shoulder, "Gawain, if you go out there you will only make it worse. He probably won't harm her unless we interfere. If he sees you, it could send him over the edge." Arthur's voice was calm, almost pleading with the younger man to listen to reason. Instead, he rounded on the man in charge, "If I don't go out there can you promise me that he won't harm her? Like the promise her brother made to keep her safe?" Then realizing he would have to fight two of his friends, he sagged in defeat, "I must do something. Anything." If Arthur hadn't known the big man so well, he would have expected tears. He had never heard him sound so dejected in all the years they had fought and lived together.

"You will. We will. Just not right now. We must wait on Tristan and the others to come to us. If we walk out that door right now odds are we will find an arrow in our chest before we make it a yard past the door. That won't help anyone." Arthur wanted Gawain to understand that sometimes you have to pick the time and place of your battles. That was what had kept them alive for so many years.

Until Arthur said this to Gawain, Timothy had remained silent. The others were surprised when he spoke with anger and vehemence, "You must know that he is insane. I've been seeing signs for the last few months, but tonight, I didn't recognize the man he had become. I hate to disagree with you Commander, but Gawain is correct in this. If we don't do something soon, I think he might kill her. Especially since she is so stubborn and will refuse to go along with him no matter what he does to her. That was the reason we fought tonight. I think he would have raped her in front of me, he was so incensed that she had so openly shown her love for Gawain. I… tried to reason with him but he just laughed." Arthur listened to the tale, all the while wishing he would have waited to tell it. He sensed that Gawain was almost to the point that nothing he nor Lancelot did would stop him from trying to get to Sarah. "Alright. We will move now and hope that Tristan leads the others to where we will be." The resignation in his voice left no room for doubt that he thought there would be trouble that they could avoid if they waited, but he did not want to leave her to the fate that Derek would impose.

"Timothy, is there weapons we can get to without too much trouble?" He stared at the man and watched him go over the possibilities in his mind. Finally, he saw the light of realization come across his face, "Yes, back at my hut. If we can get past the guards posted outside, we should be able to get there without being seen." He then stepped around Arthur and Gawain and stood in front of Lancelot, "Follow me, but stay out of sight until I get the guards attention." Lancelot waited for Arthur to give the signal that it was alright to let him pass, then he stepped back beside the doorway and watched Timothy open it and go outside. "William." He called out into the darkness. "You must realize that Derek has lost his grasp on reality. If we don't go to Sarah now, he will kill her. Do you hear me?" Nothing but silence came as an answer. "Our village has suffered so much in the last few months, do you really want the death of another on your conscious?"

Finally, the younger man from earlier came into the light of the torch that stood outside the doorway. "Derek says she is evil, that she has changed since she left the village. Why should I believe what you say? You are just trying to save your sister." Arthur heard the uncertainty in the man's voice and stepped into the light. "William, as I've said before, I am the commander of the Sarmatian Knights from the Roman outpost at Hadrian's Wall. We came to investigate the rumors of Saxon movement in Britain and to check on this village for Sarah. I do not make it a habit to get involved in the policies of individual villages, but I cannot stand back and let someone who is under my protection be harmed in any way. We will fight you if need be, but we would rather stop this madness now, before someone gets hurt or killed. I agree with Timothy, there has been enough death and loss here already." He spoke the words clearly, in his most formal 'commander's tone', hoping to further make the men standing outside the circle of light consider the rationality of what he was saying. He meant every word, they would fight, and he had no doubt that his men would win. But, he also had no doubt that there would be needless casualities on both sides. That was the way of battle, and he was becoming weary of death.

It seemed to take forever for William to answer Arthur and Timothy, but finally, he said, "I have heard of the great knights from the wall. Tales of your fairness and honesty are carried from village to village, even this far north. Because of this, I will go check on Sarah and return with my answer. Do not try anything until I return. If, as you claim, she is in danger, I will help you. If she is not, you will wait until morning and then you can talk to Derek. Agreed?" Gawain moved quickly from behind Arthur, "NO! I will not wait!" But Arthur placed his arm in front of Gawain's chest to stop him. "Agreed. None of us will do anything until we have heard your decision. You have my word." He looked at Gawain and saw the defeat in his eyes. How he hated making the man suffer, even for the time it would take for William to go and return. But, if it would save even one life, then Gawain's suffering was a necessary part of his decision.


	29. From The Insane Mind

AN: I just wanted to give a little insight to the premise to this story. I see Derek as the traitor from the movie. I often wondered what would make a man betray his own people to the Saxons and it kind of came to me that he would do it for a chance at power. Some people have a need to feel important, why I don't quite understand, but that's what I have seen in some of the people I've worked with. It's sad really, that they feel they have to be important or in power to be worth anything. I think this chapter will give you a little insight to just how much I think the reputation of Arthur and his knights affected Derek and how his mind might work. The insane mind is a strange place… causing men, and women in some cases, to do bazaar things. They never see the big picture as it really is, just how it is supposed to be to them.

Thank you all for the reviews!

Devonshirelass: Yes, I could see it too. But as usual, no one will go against Arthur when he gives an order, no matter how much they want to. Arthur demands that kind of loyalty from the actions of all the things he has done over the years. I've known one or two people that were that great and even though you really believe they are being slow at deciding what to do, you wait and fume instead of balking at their direction.

Ninnaras: Thanks for the title of the song. I love listening to music as I write. Most of the time I listen to one of my Celtic CDs. I particularly like "The Celtic Circle" which is mostly songs from movies like Rob Roy, Braveheart, Lord of the Rings and of course The Mists of Avalon. I just recently found a website that features the lyrics to some of my favorite songs, so sometimes I even sing along. Bet your glad you can't hear me, huh?

Melosine: You got it. No matter how much he followed the man in the past, blood is thicker than water, as they say, and he will begin to see that just because she is female, doesn't mean she is stupid. You'll also see that Timothy was a little jealous of the relationship of his father and sister. Men just can't seem to accept that fathers have a soft spot for their daughters and it doesn't mean they love the sons less. I kind of took some of that premise from the relationship of my own children with my husband. My son has always said that his dad loved his sister best and no matter how much I tried to make him see it wasn't so… Finally, I just gave up and let them handle it. Mom can only do so much.

Nikkitagq: Of course he will if he gets the chance, but I couldn't let him cause her permanent damage or I'd hurt Gawain!

Luccilaq: Isn't he cute when he's all noble! But then I think they are all cute! My husband thinks I'm crazy because I told him when we saw the movie together that if I'd lived back then I would have been a whore for sure! It's become kind of a joke between us and he even let his beard grow because I liked Tristan's so much. He refuses to let his hair be braided though. Don't understand why…

As usual, I don't own the legend or the characters from the movie. But if I did… sigh.

William quickly ran through the deserted village toward the council hut. He found it ironic that he should be on this errand for Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table when the Council Hut had been made circular because of their reputations. He remembered Derek speaking long and loud about how they could be as famous as these knights. He had wondered then about the man's sanity. His people had always been simple folk and for one of them to spout off about being famous rulers had almost seemed a joke. When none of the other men had said anything, he had gone along because there didn't seem to be any harm in them meeting as equals to discuss the affairs of their people. Looking back, he realized they hadn't really been equals at all. Derek had always ruled the meetings, most of the time it seemed they met only to get orders from him. Strange how acceptable things could be when no one was willing to speak against them.

He slowed when he reached the hut. Looking around, he quietly opened the door and stepped inside. The only light inside the main room was from the firepit in the center. He walked toward the doorway in the back that led into Derek's living space, stopping to listen before he opened the door. No sooner had be stepped into the short hallway that led to the Derek's room than he heard voices raised in anger. The loud sound of a hand meeting flesh made him stop and listen to the words that were being spoken. What he heard frightened him, leaving him standing with his mouth open and his feet rooted to the spot. If he hadn't heard it with his own ears, he never would have believed the words coming from Derek's mouth.

Sarah woke slowly, momentarily forgetting what had happened earlier. She was lying on a bed of fur on one wall of the small room. There was a multitude of candles burning, leaving not a single corner in shadow. She looked to the wall opposite the bed and saw a man standing with his back to her, gazing into the fire that was burning in the small fireplace. She slowly raised up and moaned when she moved her neck. Reaching back with her hand, she felt a large knot and wondered how that had happened. The pain slowly subsided and she realized that as long as she didn't make any sudden movements, she wouldn't hurt as bad. The man speaking to her, brought her attention back to the fact that he was there. "Ah, feel rested after your nap?" he asked. "Derek, where am I and how did I get this knot on my head?" she asked him quietly to keep the pain bearable.

She saw him regard her through narrowed eyes and then smiling, he walked toward her. "You really don't remember?" She slowly shook her head. "How like you to conveniently forget what you've done." She didn't answer and he snorted derisively, "You, my betrothed, have committed a number of transgressions." He all but spit the word 'betrothed' at her and she flinched at his tone. She waited for him to continue, to explain what he was talking about and when he just continued to stare at her, she finally asked meekly, "What transgressions?" She saw him run his hands through his hair in frustration, "What transgressions? I'll tell you. You deserted me when I needed you most. You've been gone for months, leaving me to think you had perished. Then today, you show up like a queen in the company of the famed Sarmatian Knights!" Then his voice lowered and became even more hateful. "One knight in particular seems to be quite close to you. Do you deny that you have been unfaithful to me after promising to be my wife?"

The quietness of his tone frightened her and she racked her brain to try to remember what he was talking about. The last thing she remembered was going to the stream that morning to wash the clothes for her mother who had been feeling a little ill when she woke. Finally, when it was apparent that he was getting impatient, she told him, "I don't deny anything because I don't know what you are talking about! You know I have never been more than a few hundred feet from this village." Anger at being wrongly accused made her tone harsher than she had meant. He took two strides and was standing directly in front of her. The swiftness of his movements came as a surprise, but not nearly as surprising as the resounding slap that knocked her backward onto the bed.

"How dare you lie to me!" He yelled at her. "How long had you planned this little escape of yours?" She just looked at him, tears welling up in her eyes. He let a sigh escape before he moved back to the fireplace, his back to her again. "You know, I saw the signs. How you were growing more distant from me." He spoke so quietly that Sarah had a hard time hearing him. "If I hadn't been so busy, I could have stopped you. But, I had to finish what I'd started. I wanted you to be proud of me. I wanted you to hear the tales that travelers told about me. They promised me and then I found out that you had left and I thought it had all been for nothing. But, you're back now and you will be proud of me." Only the pain in her face kept her from feeling sorry for him.

"Derek, what are you talking about? You aren't making any sense. What did you start?" She hoped he would tell her something that would make her feel different. For she felt she was in the middle of a strange dream. She had no idea where she was and he was talking in riddles. Her head pounded from trying to sort through the confusion in her mind. Derek slowly turned back around, "All the years we were growing up, I did everything to get your attention. I wanted you to have as much pride in my deeds as you seemed to have in your fathers tales. But nothing I did was big enough, grand enough. Then you agreed to be my wife and I knew my time for greatness had to come quickly or I'd never make you proud to be mine. That's when I ran into that band of Saxons and their leader offered me this village. I didn't have to do anything for it, just be their guide for a while. It seemed harmless enough and I could picture you beaming at me when I became head of our people. I swear I didn't know they were going to attack. They betrayed me, the same as you." He looked like the little boy she remembered. Trying to be bigger than life and angry that no one else saw him as such.

"Why did you betray me, Sarah? Why? I only ever wanted you to be proud of me." He pleaded for her to make him understand, but all Sarah could think about was what he'd said about the Saxons. Slowly, images ran through her mind. She saw fire and smoke. She saw dead bodies lying on the ground. She saw men wrecking havoc on the home she loved. Saxons had attacked and killed many of the people she'd known most of her life. A sob involuntarily slipped from her lips, "You helped them kill my parents?" Then anger took over her sadness and she lunged across the room at him. "You betrayed us, all of us! You are doing the same thing you did as a child, you're blaming everyone else for something you've done. I'll kill you, you bastard!" Derek easily stepped away from her attack and she crashed into a small table beside the fireplace. The candle on top, swayed for a moment, then toppled over and went out with a little hiss. So incensed at what he had told her, she didn't notice the look on his face when the candle went out. She just kept lunging toward him and he kept sidestepping, avoiding her.

William stood outside the doorway and listened to every word. This man who had fought harder than anyone else to stop the attack had been the cause of it. This self-proclaimed traitor had set himself up as their leader when he should have hung for his crime. When he heard Sarah trying to get to Derek, he stepped inside the doorway. "Derek." he shouted. "I heard it all. You will pay for what you've done with your life." He didn't have to shout. As soon as he spoke, the only sound to be heard was the sizzle of the fire burning in the fireplace.

"You heard nothing, Fool! Can't you see she is trying to start trouble so she can help her 'knights' escape?" Derek spoke with loathing about the knights and William raised his sword, ready should he need it. "_Her_ knights? You really are insane. These knights are the famed Knights of the Round Table. Led by Arthur himself. Men who are honorable and fair in their dealings with people. Men who would die before they betrayed their own people." He saw Derek pull a dagger from his clothes and held his sword ready. Derek slowly edged his way closer to the other man. Sarah looked quickly around the room for some kind of weapon. Surprisingly, there was nothing that she could see that was suitable. She slowly began to move toward William. If she couldn't attack the man herself, she would make sure that he did not get past the doorway to escape.

Neither man let on that they saw her move until she was well away from Derek. Then William spoke, "Sarah, go to the hut where the knights are waiting and tell them I believe them. Bring them here, quickly." She looked toward Derek and saw the panic on his face. "William, don't let him get away. I'll be back soon." Then she ran past him and through the meeting chamber. As soon as she got outside she began running as fast as she could toward the outskirts of the village.

As she ran up to the line of huts, a man stepped in front of her, "Where is William?" he asked her. She looked at the man and didn't recognize him in the darkness. "He's holding Derek." she answered quickly. Then she looked over his shoulder trying to find Arthur. "Arthur, Gawain!" she shouted for them hoping they could hear. The man standing between her and the huts moved to the side. "They are waiting inside the hut. Tell me, is it true? Is Derek insane?" She hesitated just long enough to place her hand on his arm. "More so than you could know." Then she ran toward the door of the first hut.

Arthur, Timothy, Gawain and Lancelot stood inside the hut, quietly talking about their plan of action when the door burst open. As soon as Sarah saw Gawain she ran to him and shouted, "Hurry, we must help William! He's holding Derek at bay for me to bring help." They all stood and gaped at her, seeing the scrapes on her arms and face from being dragged to the hut. Her clothes were ripped and her hair was wild, with most of it coming loose from the leather tie she had around it. The thing that stood out most was a huge purple blotch on the side of her face where Derek had slapped her so hard. "What did he do to you?" Gawain demanded.

"I don't have time to tell you the details now, go... go help William before he kills him and escapes!" She yelled as she moved her arms in a shooing motion, trying to push them towards the doorway. As they ran out, she started toward the door and Gawain pulled her back. "No, stay here. I'm going with them, but I don't want you to be hurt should this not turn out the way we hope." He started toward the door with the assumption that she would do as he asked. As she darted past him and out the open door, he called, "Sarah, stop!" but she didn't slow down and he took off in a run to catch her.

When he caught up to her he grabbed her arm and stopped her. She looked at him and saw the lines of worry on his brow. "I'll be fine. Besides, won't it be safer with you than alone where he could find me?" He wanted to argue with her, but realized that she was probably right. Derek knew where they had been and if he got away from William, he might go there looking for her. "Fine, but stay close. I will not let him harm you again!" She saw the guilt in his face and though she didn't know what Timothy had told them, she thought he would have told them the truth. "Gawain, he didn't... he never... I'm fine." How could she tell him that what he thought happened never did without having to say it? But fortunately, Gawain did not require further details. "I don't know what stopped him, but that doesn't change the fact that I was not there to protect you. I'm sorry, but I swear to you now, it will never happen again."

The intensity of his words frightened her. He could not begin to keep the promise he now made. His duties would not allow him to be with her all the time. But until this mess with Derek was settled she couldn't worry about that. All she could think about was getting even with the man who caused the deaths of her family. "Thank you, but we've got to hurry!" and she took off again with Gawain right on her heels.


	30. Kiss of Silence

Here's another chapter… now for the dilemma, I only have one more chapter written before I have to get really serious again and get ahead… the problem being, I'm kind of stumped. Suggestions? Please, I could really use some help here!

Thanks to all reviewers of the last chapter:

Devonshirelass: Well, of course he escaped, he doesn't get killed until much later in the movie. But a lot of things can happen before then. Hope you like this one as well.

Lucilla: Thank you for your kind words and yes, I am v-e-r-y lucky! I not only have a husband who is willing to look like my favorite knight (except for the braids, I'm still working on that one!) but he is also my best friend. I am a blessed woman and I don't even know why God decided I deserved this wonderful life!

ElvenStar5: Glad you're reading and took the time to let me know. I hope I don't let anyone down as the story goes.

Standard disclaimer still applies. No matter how much I wish otherwise, I still can't claim ownership of anything other than what my imagination can come up with to further the story that we've all come to love so much.

They reached the hut to find the rest of the knights had joined Arthur. Sarah knew that Derek was not being held as she had hoped as soon as she saw the others standing around pointing in different directions. She ran up to them and listened to them give their opinions about his whereabouts and asked, "Is William dead?" Her voice was almost a whisper but it brought all their attentions to her and Arthur slowly nodded. "Yes, I'm sorry. When we arrived he was lying inside with a dagger wound to his heart and Derek was gone. No one has seen him."

She felt Gawain pull her close as tears began to form in her eyes. "He was a good and decent man and will be missed. He saved my life." She paused, then asked, "Where is Timothy?" She strained her eyes looking around the group and finally saw him standing over the body of his friend. Pulling herself away from the safety of Gawain's embrace, she slowly went to her brother. He looked up when he felt her hand on his shoulder, "Timothy, I'm sorry. I should never have left him. I don't think he was prepared for the way Derek had changed." He put his hand over hers and looked into her eyes. "Oh, Sarah, if you hadn't left, you would probably be dead as well. It is I who should be sorry. I should have spoken out against all the changes being made. I should have spoken up for Arthur and the knights..." His voice trailed off as he saw Gawain walk up with Arthur by his side.

"Timothy, none of you have anything to be sorry for. Derek is just another madman using fear to make people accept what they normally would not have accepted." Arthur spoke with authority. All eyes turned to Sarah as she shouted, "No!" When she saw the look of confusion on their faces at her outburst, she continued, "He didn't _let _anything happen, he caused the attack. He brought the Saxons to our village, he said so himself and William heard him. That's why he stayed to guard him while I ran for help."

Finally, Timothy broke the silence her words had brought over the group. "I know you hate what he has become, but how could he possibly be in league with Saxons? There has been enough lies and mistrust, Sarah, please don't add to it with accusations such as these." She looked at her brother with her mouth gaped open. Then she turned her gaze to the other men standing around. "Do none of you believe me? I am not just making this up to get even with Derek!" Her gaze finally fell on Gawain and he saw the pleading in her eyes. "I believe you, Sarah." he told her quietly. Then with more conviction, "I don't think she's making any of this up. Arthur?" All eyes then turned to the Roman and he looked from one man to the other. "Nor do I. I wondered where all his bravado came from. No man who has been raised in a peaceful village would be so daring without some kind of back up from somewhere. Now I know where his bravery came from."

Sarah watched the emotions play across her brothers face. He heard what Gawain and Arthur said, but he never took his eyes from hers. Hanging his head, he quietly said, "But, I saw him fight them that day. He was like a madman, killing Saxons without blinking. How...? Why...?" She knew he was waiting for her to explain the answers, but the events of the day finally caught up to her and she fainted, only being stopped from hitting the hard ground by Gawain's arms around her waist. Arthur quickly told him to take her inside the hut for they would make their headquarters there until morning. Until then, he wanted guards patrolling the village continually. The other knights immediately started to do as Arthur ordered as Gawain took Sarah inside and made a place for her to rest.

Timothy cornered Arthur, "Do you really believe her story of the Saxons?" Arthur nodded, "I've wondered since we got here how one man could have done so much in so few months. What I don't understand and hope that she can explain when she wakes, is why he fought them when they got here. That is the one piece of the puzzle that is missing." Timothy finally nodded his head, "If you believe her, then it must be so. But I can assure you, he did fight them. Whatever else he may have done, some of us would not be alive if it hadn't been for him." Arthur acknowledged his words and turned to see Gawain wiping Sarah's face with a wet cloth. "How is she?" he called to his knight.

Gawain answered without looking away from her, "She's coming around, I think she just fainted from the excitement of the day. But she has a huge knot on the back of her head and there's some dried blood in her hair." Arthur and Timothy walked the few steps to where they were as Sarah opened her eyes. "What happened? One minute I was talking and the next, nothing." Gawain gently helped her to sit up a little so he could give her a drink of water. After taking a sip, she looked at her brother and then back to Gawain. "Sarah, you fainted. Just be still for a bit until you feel better." She let him lie her back down on the straw mat and Arthur waited for her to be settled before asking her questions.

She told them all she could remember of what Derek had said and they listened intently, prodding her from time to time when she had trouble. Finally, Gawain spoke up, "That's enough for now. Sarah, try to get some rest. I'll be right here, so don't worry or be afraid." She nodded and watched him stand up and walk a couple of steps away from her to stand with Arthur and her brother. She sighed and closed her eyes, trying to do as he asked, but all she could see was the face of the man who caused the deaths of her family and friends.

The men of the village all came to Arthur when word had made it around that Derek had been in league with the Saxons. Arthur listened to all they had to say, whether it was in condemnation of the man or in defense. He told them all he knew and saw realization dawn on the faces of some, while others kept a glimmer of doubt in their eyes. Whatever else the man had done, he had certainly gathered a following amongst the people of the village. Especially with the younger men. He made a mental note to let the knights know that some of these men might bring trouble and garnered watching. He leaned back and looked at the maps he had spread out on the makeshift desk in his 'headquarters'. Bringing his hands up to rub his tired eyes, he wondered just how far this would go before it came to an end. The chances of people dying before it came to an end bothered him most, for above all else, he hated the unnecessary death and destruction brought on by war. With a soul deep sigh, he raised back up and picked up one of the maps they had found in Derek's quarters.

The map bothered him. There were few places labeled on it, but the ones that were labeled led directly toward Hadrian's Wall. He had no idea who had made the map or what its purpose was, but the fact that it seemed to form a path that led to the Roman occupied part of Britain was cause to be concerned. So engrossed in the mystery of the map, he didn't see Lancelot walk up to the table and wait for him to say something, until he cleared his throat. He jerked his head up to look into the face of his second in command.

"Arthur, you really should get some rest. You've been pouring over these maps since we found them and I can tell by your expression that you are no closer to deciphering their significance now than you were hours ago." Lancelot waited for his commander, and friend, to agree, but when he only stared at him as if looking through him, he waved his hand in front of his eyes. "I will take over your study of them, although I don't think I can be of much help. Have you shown them to Tristan?" He watched as Arthur finally came out of his trance and looked down at the maps again before answering.

"No, and I don't think I would be able to sleep even if I did take a break. Lancelot, these maps are important, I just know it. But for the life of me, I cannot figure out how." His friend heard the frustration in his voice and saw it in the way he ran his hands through his already ruffled hair. "Well, you may never figure that out. Especially if you kill yourself trying. Why don't we just gather all this stuff up and take it back to the wall? I, for one, would feel easier if we had the fortress walls around us while we try to figure out what the hell this madman has been doing." He watched as Arthur considered his words. Finally, he saw the resignation in his features before he spoke.

"Perhaps you are right. Tell the others to begin preparing the villagers to move out. We will leave as soon as it is light outside." He was gathering up the parchments as he spoke and missed the look of surprise on Lancelot's face. He only stopped when Lancelot put his hands on the table, stopping him from rolling the maps into a bundle. "Surely, you don't mean to take them with us!" Lancelot shouted in a whispered voice. "Of course I do. Do you think I would leave them to the fate of a madman? A madman in league with the Saxons?" His questions were meant to bring guilt to his friend's thoughts of forsaking these people. But unfortunately, Lancelot felt no such guilt and was quick to point out that these people were not part of his duty to Rome.

"Lancelot, you still don't understand, do you? We are no longer just doing service to Rome. We serve a higher purpose than the one given us by the Roman Empire. These people have already suffered great losses because of the Saxons and the fact that one of their own betrayed them. I cannot just walk away and forget what I've seen here. Now, will you tell the men? Or must I?" Lancelot shook his head, then before turning to leave, he said, "No, I'll tell them, but you know that this 'higher purpose' is only a figment of your imagination. You cannot change the world, Arthur. Men will always fight for more than they already have. Greed is a powerful emotion. One that even your God cannot defeat." Then without another word, he turned and left Arthur staring after him.

When Lancelot told the other knights of Arthur's plan, most took the news without saying a word. They had come to expect this behavior from their leader. Over the years they had seen him place himself and them in danger for the good of others. It was who he was and none were eager to change him. None except Lancelot. As he voiced his discontent, he noticed that only Gawain was looking at him and stopped speaking to cock his head toward the blonde man. "What? I see that you disagree with me, tell me why we should care what happens to these people and maybe, just maybe, I'll see that you and Arthur are right." He challenged. For a moment, he thought that Gawain would turn and walk away without uttering a single word, then with a sigh, he began to tell him what he asked.

"Lancelot, I understand what you say. I've thought the same on many occasions when we went on missions that could bring our deaths. But, since coming here and seeing these people, I understand. Rome took us from our homes and even killed some of our people in doing so, we don't have to do the same. We can help these people. We are now older and wiser. We don't have to leave them to the same fate we left our own villages to." He waited for Lancelot to say something, anything, whether in agreement, which he doubted, or in argument, which was more likely. But before the dark knight had a chance to speak, Galahad spoke up.

"Instead of helping these people, we should be trying to stay alive so that we can return to our own villages and help our own people. These people would not help us if the roles were reversed." The weariness of almost fifteen years of fighting a losing battle was evident in both his words and his expression as Gawain looked at him. "I understand how both of you feel," he started, then raised his hand as Galahad tried to protest, "I really do, Galahad. But, are we any better than the Romans if we turn our back on those people just because they are not Sarmatian?" He waited for either of the two men to comment, but instead Timothy, who had walked up for the last part of his statement, spoke up first. "Some of us are Sarmatian."

Gawain's head snapped toward the other man, "Sarmatian? How so?" He inquired. Timothy looked at the faces of all the knights and saw their disbelief at his words. He slowly shook his head and gave a rueful little laugh. "Derek was right in one thing. You Sarmatian knights are so full of yourself. Do you think you are the first men to be forced from your homes to fight for something you don't believe in?" His words were challenging, and he noticed that all of them bristled at his tone. He changed it somewhat, then began to explain what he meant, noticing the disbelief on one or two faces and the thoughtfulness on others. "So, you see, even the knights before you saw more to this country than their servitude to an empire they hated. I may be born a Briton, but my father came here to do the same as you. And like you, Gawain, found more." He was about to continue when Sarah spoke from behind them.

"You couldn't wait to claim your right to be part of them could you, Timothy?" She was angry and Timothy didn't understand why. "Sarah, you only heard part of the conversation, you don't know what you're talking about." He started, but she just slapped him and turned away. Gawain looked at the man with a questioning look, then took off after her.

"Sarah, wait!" he called as he caught up with her. "What is wrong with you? Are you upset that you are part Sarmatian? Is that why you never told me?" He asked her. She clenched her fists, then consciously made her arms and hands relax before she turned to look at him. "Is that what you believe? Then you don't know me at all." Her voice was small, defeated and she hung her head as she turned away from him. Before she had taken a step, she turned back, "Alright, you asked what I'm angry about and I'll tell you. I'm angry that my father kept his heritage a secret from me. I'm angry that Timothy knew and didn't say anything. I'm also angry that he was so eager to tell you at the first opportunity. I'm angry that…" Her words were cut off as he took her and kissed her. Try as hard as she might, she couldn't keep her body rigid. She relaxed into his embrace and returned his kiss.

Finally, releasing her lips, he put his finger under her chin, bringing her eyes in line with his. "You misunderstood what you heard. Come back to the council hut and we can talk more. Arthur wants all of your people to pack and go back to the wall where it will be safer." Then with a huge smile on his lips, he teased her, "My little Sarmatian Spitfire." Instead of making her bristle up again, he saw his mirth mirrored in her eyes as she retorted, "I'll show you Spitfire." With his arm thrown around her shoulders and hers around his waist, they headed toward the hut. "I guess I'll have to apologize to Timothy when I see him again." She murmured as they walked. In answer, he only hugged her closer.


	31. Derek Resurfaces

Note: I hope someone comes up with a suggestion as to where this story should go from here. I know how it ends… (the movie, duh!) but until then I don't want to lose any of my readers by getting all dull and uninteresting. If you have an idea, just email me and I'll see what I can do with it. Until later… enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: If you don't recognize something as the work of a 'real' writer, then it must belong to me! If you do recognize it, then, it's not mine. (How's that for a disclaimer?)

The knights spent the rest of the night prodding the villagers into getting ready to leave. Sarah and Timothy helped some of the others 'decide' what they should leave behind since Arthur asked they only take what was absolutely necessary. She knew that he kept looking at her when he thought she didn't notice and she really wanted to apologize for her earlier outburst. But she wanted to wait until they could be alone. She wanted his honest reaction, not some male ego acceptance because someone was listening. He undoubtedly had other ideas, "Sarah, are you still angry with me?" When he asked the question, she stopped what she was doing and took a deep breath.

"No, and I never should have been. I really was just angry at the situation and I took it out on you." She had turned to face him as she spoke and saw that he looked both relieved and confused. "Timothy, I was angry because I found out things about Father that I didn't know. I didn't know because he didn't tell me. And you knew and didn't say anything!" She saw him prepare to explain and she stopped him, "No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that, I really didn't." She waited for him to accept her apology, and began to fidget when he didn't appear to be going to say anything. "Alright, I accept your apology. But… I think you are angry with me for not saying anything. And I don't blame you for that. Can we just move on now and forget about it?"

She had expected him to explain why he didn't tell her and was disappointed that he didn't. But, he was her brother and she had missed him terribly while she had been away. "Pact?" she asked as she held out her hand. He flashed her a huge smile and took her hand in his, "Pact!" He pulled her into his arms in a hug and she patted his shoulder as they hugged. "Well, I'm glad to see that you two have settled your differences." Timothy released her and she moved into Gawain's embrace. "Yes, thank you. Reminded me of our quarrels when we were children." She giggled and looked at her brother.

"Yeah, except this time she didn't try to beat me up." He said as he laughed with her. "Only because you didn't deserve it this time." She rejoined as she grabbed his arm and pinched it. "Now, now, children." Gawain admonished. "You're beginning to act like Bors' brood." They all shared a laugh as Timothy began to question what they were being compared with. "Enough!" Gawain finally said between guffaws, "Are you almost ready to go? Arthur is getting impatient and sent us all out to find out the reason we're taking so long to move out."

Timothy assured him they were and that all of the villagers in their group was ready as well. "Good, I'll tell Arthur. We'll be leaving before the sun is fully up. Try to get a little rest while you can." He hesitated and pulled Sarah a little away from her brother. "Will you ride with me today?" He held her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. All she could do was nod her head, slowly. The look in his eyes would have made her say yes to anything he asked at that moment. She stared at the blue depths and felt herself being pulled into them. It reminded her of the way she had imagined the great sea her father had told her of would be. Vast and breathtakingly beautiful.

He didn't tell her that part of his intense look was because he was fearful that Derek would try something and he wanted her to be close to him. He had meant it when he told her that he would never let her come to harm again. He would not let her down like he had before. Never again! Instead, he just held her in his arms until she began to squirm a little. "Gawain, you can let me go now." She teased. She felt him slowly let her go. She thought he had done so reluctantly and wondered why. She didn't have a chance to ask, as Bors rode up at that moment and told them Arthur was ready to go. She waved to Timothy and left with Gawain, holding his hand, mostly because he would not let go of hers.

As Sarah sat almost in Gawain's lap on his horse, she watched the people of her village slowly trudge past them. Things had certainly changed for them and she silently hoped they would adjust without much trouble. These were such good, honest people that she hated to see them look so sad and forlorn. She glanced up over her shoulder at the face of the man behind her. He was watching the people as well until he glanced down and found her watching him. "What?" he asked suspiciously.

"Nothing," she said through her smile. "I was just thinking how much I love you and how wonderful you are." She saw him return her smile with the smile that always took her breath away. She loved the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. She especially loved the spark of a promise she saw in his eyes. It spoke of many things to come and she blushed at her own thoughts. How forward he must think her to be. She quickly averted her eyes, but seemingly with a will of their own, her eyes turned to his. His next words made her heart stop for a moment, as she took in her breath and held it.

"Marry me, Sarah. When we reach the Wall, marry me right then." Again her only answer was the nod of her head. Then she turned around to face him, wrapping her legs around his waist. "Yes, My Lord." She replied in her best subservient voice. She saw the quick look he gave her. Surely he saw the amusement in her eyes, but instead of going along with her, he said, "To you I will always be Gawain, or Husband. Never, ever My Lord. Understand?" She gave him a quizzical look, cocking her head to the side. Finally, she decided she should let him know she understood. He wanted her to be his equal, not his servant. "Yes, Gawain. Almost Husband. I understand." He leaned down and gently kissed her. "I will never treat you as anything other than my partner in whatever the gods have in store for us. You are the other half of my heart and I love you as you are now. She returned his kiss and felt the love in her heart swell.

So engrossed in each other, neither of them saw the man peeping out of the mound of belongings in the wagon that rode past. Nor did they see the look of pure hatred in his eyes. If they had noticed, they would have avoided much trouble to come.

Derek had not fled the village as they suspected. He had hidden with one of the villagers that was still loyal to him. In sympathy, he had taken him in, keeping him hidden from Arthur and the knights. The Roman had no right to take over the rule of his people and he would help the young hero regain what he had earned in the fight with the Saxons. Never once did he question him regarding his involvement in the attack. To him it was a lie, spread to dispose of the one man who could protect the people and let them live as they pleased. So he had promised when they agreed to go with the Roman. He had not told him his plan, but then, when did true leaders ever tell those not worthy what he was going to do? He was just glad he was there to tell him what he should do. As long as he was provided for, he never wondered about anything, just followed blindly where he went.

The caravan moved slowly throughout the day, not stopping until almost sunset. The look of the people spoke of exhaustion and second thoughts at their decision to leave their homes. Arthur watched them move slowly past him and made a note to wander through the camp later when they had settled for the night. He knew that to reach the wall they would have a chance of facing many dangers. If they were to reach it without casualties, he would have to ensure that they believed the decision to take the journey was the right one. If they second guessed their choice, they would not be prepared if, when, trouble found them. He saw Timothy riding toward him, stopping at each wagon to encourage the people. He would make a good village leader and Arthur decided to speak to him about it before they reached the wall. Someone would have to take on that responsibility and no one else had shown any inclination to do so. He nodded to the man as he rode past, continuing his encouragement. Yes, he would make a fine leader. Having made the decision, he moved forward to where he knew Lancelot was riding. The weight of his duty felt lighter now and he wanted to enjoy the easy banter he had with his friend.

Arthur had the knights help move the people into an area surrounded by a small grove of trees. Tristan rode ahead to check for trouble and would check the perimeter before returning to rest. Arthur hoped he found nothing and would return soon. These people had seen enough trouble and although they had done a decent job of 'protecting' themselves from the knights, he wasn't so sure how they would fare against an attack by forces that were truly intending them harm.

Dag rode up to tell Gawain what Arthur wanted them to do and saw him holding Sarah. She was asleep with her head back against his chest. "Has she been asleep long?" he asked conversationally. "No, I felt her relax when Arthur said we would be stopping soon. Until then, she seemed concerned that she was hindering me somehow. No matter how hard I tried to get her to relax against me, she just sat up straight." Dag watched as he looked down at the sleeping woman, then he looked back up and said, "She agreed to be my wife when we get back to the wall. I can't believe my good fortune. I no longer dread the day of my discharge for now I have a reason to plan for the future." Dag congratulated his friend and told him he indeed was a lucky man. "Will she be returning to your home with you or will you stay here with her people?"

Gawain thought about it for a minute, "I don't know, we never got around to discussing it. But it matters not to me. I've lived here too long to be so adamant about leaving. If we stay, I don't think we will return to her village. I'd rather not be where Derek could find us so easily." His words surprised Dag. "You think he means to cause you trouble?" "I'm sure of it, if he can find us. I saw the way he looked at her. He had no intentions of letting her leave with me. If for no other reason, he did not want to see her with me." He paused in his words to gently push her hair away from her face. "Dag, I let him cause her harm. But, never again. I promised to keep her safe always."

Dag felt for his friend, but he also realized how impossible the promise would be to keep. "You know, Gawain, as much as you may want to, you can't protect her all the time. There will be times when you will be away and she will have to take care of herself. She can't ride with you every time." "I know and it pains me to admit that. But while I am with her…" he let his words trail off as he felt her stir against his chest. He watched her eyes flutter open, then she tried to sit up. "It's alright, Sarah. Relax. We've stopped for the night. We're just waiting for everyone to get pulled into the trees to make camp." He felt her relax back against him and smiled.

"Hello, Dag." She spoke softly to the big man. He smiled and returned the greeting just as Galahad rode up to them. "Gawain, everyone's picked out their camp. We're to set up and walk the perimeter to make sure everyone only unpacks what is absolutely necessary. Arthur wants them to be prepared to break camp at a moment's notice if need be." Gawain nodded and the younger man rode back toward the front. "Come on Love. Let's get you settled." He nodded to Dag and they slowly rode toward the front behind Galahad. After they had left, Dag shook his head. Gawain had not seen the look on her face at his words. She didn't seem happy that she was being taken care of so carefully. Maybe he would realize this before he made her angry. Dag had not seen her angry, but Lancelot had told him how she had attacked Derek back at the village and it sounded like she had a nice temper to match her beauty. Well, that was Gawain's problem and he would figure it out on his own. Eventually.

The driver of the wagon, called Bull by those that knew him, was one of the last to stop, being very careful to find a spot secluded enough to allow their 'passenger' the chance to come out and stretch, but not so far away as to cause anyone to be suspicious. He had seen the knights slowly making their way to all of the wagons, talk to the occupants, then ride on. He guessed they were making sure everyone was doing as their new leader demanded and quietly told Derek to wait before emerging from his mound of camouflage. As expected, one of the knights rode up as he was unhitching the two horses from the wagon. This was one he had not noticed before, but he had no doubt he was as fierce as he appeared.

He was taller than any man he'd seen in a long time with a scar down one side of his face. Proof he had seen many battles. In his hand he carried a huge battle axe causing the man to swallow as bile entered his throat. Bull was not a small man, and although he was not as smart as some of the others, he was still smart enough to know when to be slightly fearful. He nodded a greeting and waited for the big man to speak. "Only unpack what you need for the night. We may have to leave in a hurry if trouble finds us." Dag told the driver and waited for him to acknowledge his words. When he nodded, Dag rode on to the next wagon that encircled their small camp. As soon as he saw him ride back toward the rest of his group, Bull went to the wagon to let Derek out of his hiding spot.

Once Derek was free, Bull went back to his work with the horses leaving the man to fend for himself. Derek looked around, getting his bearings and trying to find where Sarah was in the crowd of people. He finally spotted her standing near the center of the encampment with the blonde knight. His hatred surfaced once again and he mentally added another level of suffering to what he already had planned for the man. He watched as the bastard put his arms around her and had to force himself to unclench his fists. He had been secretly pleased when he thought the Saxons had disposed of her. She had always made him feel inferior with her condescending attitude toward him. He had also enjoyed the sympathy shown toward him at his loss. When she had returned, in the company of his idols no less, he had been both surprised and angry. Not only was she alive, she had become involved with one of the knights only reinforcing his opinion of her. Hate her as he did, he would die before he let the other man have her. He was brought back to reality when Bull cleared his throat. He looked at the stupid man, useful though he was, and saw that he was watching the same scene.

"Are you sure he seduced her, Derek? It looks to me like he's as enthralled with her as she is with him. Maybe Fate sent the Saxons so she would find him when she left. Maybe we shouldn't mess with Fate's plans." Bull had been watching the knight treat Sarah like a queen, catering to her every need. He had also seen the tension and anger in the other man at his side. Yes, sometimes it was an advantage to seem so stupid that people forgot your presence. You learned a lot when people forgot you were watching. He was also noticing the look Derek had thrown his way. He began to doubt the stories that he'd been told about how these knights had treated him badly and taken his woman. Bull hadn't had much experience with women, they usually tended to avoid him for some reason, but he couldn't see how anyone could _take_ a woman if she truly loved you as Derek claimed Sarah did. But then, like he thought, women avoided him, so what did he know?

"Well, Bull, she can be bewitching, but I have no doubt that she was just using her wiles to get him to do her bidding. She's just upset with me because I didn't fall for it like he did. And, being a man, he used it to get what he wants. He'll tire of her soon enough and she will be forced to come crawling back to me. When she does, I'll decide how she will be punished for betraying my love." He clapped the man on the shoulder. "Come, I don't want people wondering who I am, standing here with you, and spying on them. I'm surprised no one has commented on the fact that you have a companion when you've ridden alone all day." He moved away from the scene unfolding before him and went to stand by the wagon. He didn't want the big man to see how vulnerable he was feeling out in the open. He had no doubt any one of the knights would kill him without blinking should they realize who he was. It galled him to know that it would be an easy thing for them to do, even if he wouldn't admit it aloud, not even to himself.

Bull went about preparing some food for them to eat, thinking all the while about Derek's explanation of the scene. He remembered that Sarah was one of the few females of the village that took the time to stop by and speak to him whenever she saw him. Her smile had seemed genuine, never giving him reason to believe that she was anything other than friendly and pleasant. He tried to see her as the other man had described, calculating. He tried to see her as someone who only did something for what she could get from another person. Finally, giving up, he shook his head. He just didn't see it that way. But then, he had been so overwhelmed whenever she was around, stuttering his greeting, feeling out of place with such a beautiful creature, maybe he just missed it. Derek had never lied to him that he knew of, so he had no reason to doubt what he said now. When the food was ready to eat, he took some of the hard bread and weak soup to the man, noticing how he accepted it almost absent mindedly. He kept his gaze turned toward where Bull knew the woman would be. Whatever her reasons for forsaking him, it was going to get messy before it was over, he could see it in Derek's eyes. He may have loved her before, but now hatred was in every look he threw in her direction.

He followed Derek's line of vision and saw what had the man's attention. He could see her form sitting near the fire with the other men all close by. The one with the long hair was never far from her side, seemingly attached by some unseen tether. Well, at least she would be safe from Derek's wrath as long as she was so well protected, whether by design or accident. Even Derek was not so stupid as to try anything under the circumstances. A thought began forming in the back of Bull's mind. If things had played out the way they were explained to him, why didn't Derek just confront the knight, reclaiming the woman that was promised to him? There was no law, whether Roman or Britain that would forbid a man from protecting his possessions. Especially when it came to his family. No matter how hard he tried to dismiss the thought, it kept nagging, sending prickles of doubt through his simple mind as he took his own food and sat down to eat while he watched the watcher.

A little ways into the meal, he saw Derek suddenly perk up. He looked over to the fire where Sarah had been and saw her leaving the firelight. No one made a move to accompany her and he saw Derek mentally calculating the possibility of making his move. Then suddenly, he threw the wooden bowl down and stormed away. Looking back, Bull saw the knight stand up and follow the direction she had gone. So much for whatever Derek had planned. He looked back and saw the man climb back into the wagon, apparently giving up for the night. Shaking his head, he slowly stood up and picked up the discarded bowl and rinsed the two in a little of the water in the small barrel strapped to the wagon frame. He then replaced them under his seat and prepared to get some rest.


	32. Closure

AN: First, thank you for the great suggestions! I really knew where I wanted to go, I just needed to get my thoughts in order (not an easy task on most days!). This chapter leads up to a conversation between Sarah and her brother regarding her 'wanton ways' with Gawain. I hope I don't disappoint with the outcome of that! I'm also trying hard to include some of the other knights a little more. I have a tendency to forget all the characters that are in my stories and just go on and on with the heroine and hero. Hopefully, this will give it more substance. Let me know…

Now, I want to thank the reviewers for the last chapters…

Lucillaq: I actually had thought of that, but I'm kind of reluctant to let yet another female be rescued from Marius' dungeon. Instead, I think I will go another way. Hope you like it. But it will be a few chapters 'til I get to that part. Just be patient…

Furibondo: In taking your suggestions to heart, I agree, things were different back then than we portray them in our stories. For one thing, women were not allowed around the fortresses where Roman soldiers were stationed. Of course, they were close by in the villages that always popped up. But that wouldn't fit in with our love stories, so we rearrange history to suit our needs… As for marriage during their service, absolutely right. They would not be allowed to marry. But then Arthur is not the usual Roman commander, thus the round table. So, at least for my purposes, he will allow them to marry, even if it is probably not going to be well known with the Romans under Arthur's command. But, still along that line, I don't think the Roman soldiers would get too upset at what Arthur did, since I'm sure he would allow them to marry as well if they asked. I think Arthur looks at his role as commander as more of leader, than absolute ruler. As for Timothy's ideas about Sarah and Gawain. There are two things you must remember, first, I don't think Sarah would let anything stop her from doing what she feels is right and second, he has been through so much, and gotten involved in the wrong things, that he may not feel that his ideas are right anymore. Just a thought since most people begin to doubt their own feelings and ideas when they have screwed up royally once or twice. At least I do… On an entirely different note… thank you for reading and I'm glad you finally decided to review, and without flaming! Hope you continue to read (and enjoy) my story…

Now on with the story!

Gawain had watched Sarah begin to yawn, apparently growing sleepier by the minute. Finally, unable to fight the feeling any longer, she stood up and bade goodnight to the group. She headed to the tree Gawain had set up their pallets under, hoping to get a good night's sleep. She had only just reached the tree when she felt Gawain step up and prepare to lie down as well. "You didn't have to come to bed unless you wanted to." She told him. He stopped what he was doing and looked into her eyes for long moments before he said anything. "I couldn't pass up the chance to hold you in my arms. I feel an emptiness when you are not there for me to feel. Your scent brings peace to my mind." He watched as she began to give him a slight smile. "Far be it for me to deny you peace or anything for that matter, my lover. My heart." He felt his heart race at the implications her words left unsaid. Several teasing remarks came unbidden to his mind, but her words left him feeling that teasing was not what she wanted from him. "Shall I move our pallets further from the others?" He asked instead. She quickly sat up as a way of answering. He grabbed her pallet and began leading the way through the small under brush, as she walked closely by his side, carrying the blanket she had used for cover.

The two lovers stopped walking a few yards from where they had been and he spread the blanket on the ground. He quickly removed his tunic and reached for her as she dropped the blanket to reach her arms around his neck. Their kiss was slow and deliberate, a kiss meant to arouse each other, with mouths slightly opened to allow their tongues access to explore. He felt her hands gently rubbing small circles on the back of his neck before she brought them to each side of his face to cup his cheeks. He pulled her closer and moved his lips to her jaw, tracing the contour with the tip of his tongue. He heard her moan deep from her throat and slowly lowered her to the pallet. He lay beside her and felt her rub her hands across his naked chest. As she raised her head to gently kiss his skin he closed his eyes and relished the feelings her kisses were bringing to his body. It had been too long since the night they had last loved each other. He wanted her completely, but was in no hurry. This night would be a night of exploration. A night when their union would bind them forever whether anyone spoke the words of union or not. Their spirits, their souls as Arthur called whatever resided inside them, would be one forever after this night and he wanted to make it last as long as possible.

Derek knew the knight had followed her for only one purpose and his hatred took a new level. The man would pay for touching her as only he was meant to do! But, in his mind, he realized that the knight could do no more than she allowed. 'Don't worry, my sweet,' he silently vowed, 'you, too, will suffer for your wanton act against me.' He settled into the wagon, mentally plotting his revenge. Before he fell asleep he had it all planned out, all he needed was a chance to put his plan into action. He smiled as he imagined what the knight would do as he watched him take her. He even wondered if he would be able to prolong the agony, taking her at will, before giving him the peace of death. That would be her payment for betrayal. She could watch the man die slowly and with much pain. The punishment was perfect. The satisfaction he felt as he imagined how the scene would play out let him fall asleep with a smile on his lips. Yes, revenge would be his, and soon if he could arrange it. He would never let anyone betray him again without retribution.

Gawain woke from a sound sleep and saw darkness surrounding him. He lay there for a moment looking through the canopy of trees to see a few stars shining brightly, but the leaves kept most of the light from reaching the ground underneath them. He lay still and listened to the sounds around him, a cough here, a rustling there, the mumbling of people talking low in the distance, nothing that sounded in the least threatening. Satisfied that all was well, he turned to put his arm around Sarah and felt… nothing. He reached further and still could not feel her body lying next to his. With a start, he sat up and tried to see through the darkness, in hopes that she would be coming back from relieving herself. There was no sounds or signs that anyone was nearby, so he quickly stood up and began pulling his trousers and tunic on, grabbing his boots as an afterthought. He had only taken a couple of steps, each time his foot falling on a sharp object hidden from him in the darkness, when he decided to take a moment to pull the boots over his feet. Finally, after much cursing under his breath, he headed toward the campsite to alert everyone to her disappearance.

He came crashing through the underbrush, axe in hand, and ready to rally the men to search for his love, when he noticed that she was sitting around a small fire, talking softly with Lancelot. She had her back turned in his direction, but turned her head to see what Lancelot was staring at. "Gawain, Love, are you alright?" without waiting for his answer, she continued in a merry tone, "Come sit by the fire. It's such a beautiful night and Lancelot has been telling me tales of some of your escapades over the years." With a sigh, he lowered his axe, and saw that Lancelot's eyes had followed the weapon. "Gawain, are we under attack or should I be worried that you caught me talking to Sarah without you being present?" Sarah looked from one man to the other, trying to decide whether or not Lancelot was serious, when Gawain stepped up and flopped down on the log next to her.

"No, it's nothing like that." He started, then turning to Sarah, he continued, "But it would have been nice to know where you were. I awoke and found you gone. It scared me. I thought something had happened to you." She saw him look at her, relief in his eyes and prepared to tease him when he said, "I told you I would not let anything happen to you again. You can't keep slipping away if I am to keep my promise."

"Yes, well, I've been meaning to talk to you about that." She said hesitantly. "Gawain, you can't protect me every minute of every day and night. There will be times that I need to be alone…" she let her words trail off, then with more force in her voice, she continued, "and then there will be times that you will be away. So you have to relax and believe that I will take care of myself." She saw the doubt in his eyes and decided to play it his way. "Of course, the other knights will help me if they are around and Timothy as well." When she said the last, she heard him 'snort' a sound that reminded her of a horse blowing air through his nostrils.

"Now, what was that supposed to mean?" she demanded with a little more sarcasm than she had intended. He looked at her quickly, "Where was Timothy when Derek began to drag you away from your home? Huh? How did he protect you then?" She didn't know what to say to his questions. Finally, she found her voice, "Gawain, listen to what you're saying. Timothy tried to help me, but Derek was prepared and got the best of him. We know better now, and we will be prepared if he should try anything, and I'm saying that will be a big IF. He's probably at least a day's ride north of the village and we're that far south." She watched the emotions play across his face and knew she was finally getting through to him. "Now, will you just relax and enjoy this trip? That is what I plan to do. I will not let that man get under my skin anymore."

Gawain listened to the words Sarah spoke and realized how ridiculous he had been in believing he was keeping her safe. All he was doing was trying to keep up with her and control her surroundings. "I'm sorry." He said quietly. Then he looked up to find Lancelot staring into the fire, trying desperately not to become involved in the discussion. He turned to the woman sitting beside him and spoke softly, "I just know I felt like my heart was going to explode when I found out he had taken you. I don't know what I would do if something happened to you." The love he saw in her eyes as she gazed at him let him know she had not been upset, then her words brought the discussion to an end. "I know, Gawain, and I loved feeling so special. But unlike some fairytale that young girls think about, this is real. Bad things will happen no matter what we try to do to prevent them. If I learned nothing during my time away from home, I learned that much, and I've grown a good bit as well. I will not do anything that could be considered stupid, and put myself in needless peril. But I can't hide either. I can't let him have that much control over me, or us." She reached out and touched his arm as she said the word 'us'. He gave her a small smile and put his hand over hers. Before he could say anything, Lancelot spoke up, "Who would've thought it, our Gawain falling for a woman with a brain!" Whether it was meant to lighten the mood or not, it had that effect and both Sarah and Gawain joined in the chuckle.

"Alright, I get the point. Now what was so interesting as I came into the camp?" He put his arm around Sarah's shoulders to pull her closer and felt her snuggle into his side. She really was the woman he had been hoping for and Sarmatian after all. His last thought before Lancelot began filling him in on their discussion was what he could have done to deserve such luck in his life. If only that luck would hold out for a few more months, then he would be the man his father had become after his service to Rome.

The three so enjoyed their time around the fire that they seemed surprised when the others began to wake up and join them. Bors summed it up best when he said that he had just felt compelled to join them after being awakened by their laughter. Gawain looked around at his friends and felt contentment in his heart. Being forced to come to Britain hadn't turned out so bad after all. He just hoped the others could find a small measure of the happiness he now felt, for they deserved it as much as he did

The smell of food cooking somewhere in the circle of smaller camps finally brought their revelry to an end as Bors exclaimed, "My belly thinks my throat has been cut I'm so hungry!" Sarah laughed and told them she would attempt cooking if they would gather more wood and bring her some supplies. It seemed even Tristan had gotten into a good mood when he quietly commented, "I think I'll just settle for an apple, then." She picked up a small twig and threw it in his direction and watched him duck even though the twig would have missed. "Since you're the one with the smart mouth, then you can cook!" She exclaimed as she laughed with the others. That brought on a chorus of comments such as, 'Maybe we should all just eat an apple!' "So, can I gather from everyone's reactions that you can cook no better than I?" she teased the scout. She watched as he just shrugged, "I do well enough that I don't starve on my own."

Arthur walked up just as Bors enlightened everyone with, "That's because you can't ruin a raw apple." Arthur watched his men for a moment, then put an end to the teasing, "Well, I think we'll have to wait for another time to have a cooking contest. We'll just eat some bread and cheese on the road. Tell the villagers to pack up, I want to leave within the hour." The knights all stood up, giving half-hearted grumbles as they did so. Sarah walked back toward the spot she had spent the night with Gawain to gather their pallets just as Timothy walked into the group. "Sarah, wait." He called to his sister. She stopped and turned back to look at him, "I thought you might ride with me for awhile today. I've missed you while you were gone and thought we could talk as we rode." She looked quickly at Gawain and saw him nod and smile, pleased that he was letting up the vigil he had imposed upon himself. "Of course, Tim, I'd love to. Gawain, I'll catch up with you later in the day and spend the afternoon with you. Is that acceptable to you?" He nodded and they went about the business of packing up camp. Life was certainly doing a complete turnaround for her since her trip home. If only Timothy would find some happiness to replace all the heartbreak he had suffered while she was gone.


	33. Blessing

I just couldn't resist uploading another chapter before I start my work week. I hope you all enjoy and review, because how will I know that you like/dislike where I'm going if you don't!

As usual, I only own the things that you do not recognize. If you recognize it, then it's not mine.

The group rode at a steady pace throughout the day and Sarah secretly admitted that she loved riding her own horse instead of sitting in front of Gawain. As much as she loved the man, she didn't feel at ease most of the time when she rode with him because she always tried to anticipate his movements and hold herself out of his way as much as possible. To make the situation more uncomfortable for her, she had to do this without seeming to do it. The day before he had regularly asked her to relax against him and she had pretended to do so, while not actually doing so. It was tiring and she was glad not to have to do it this day. Maybe he would just let her ride beside him today when she left Timothy later. Unknowingly, she frowned at her last thought and was surprised when Tim leaned over toward her to whisper, "What brings such a frown to your face?"

She thought about it for a moment before answering with a question of her own, "Tim, I remember how you used to worry about my actions, always telling me that I should be more like Anna." She saw him trying to understand what she was getting at and decided to just ask him, "Did Anna always act that way or did you make her change to suit your own ideas of how women are supposed to act?" She knew by the way he sat straighter in the saddle that she had touched on a subject that he did not wish to discuss, but she really needed to know the answer.

Timothy bristled at the implications in her question, but after a minute of watching her face, he relaxed a little and began to try to explain, "If you're asking me did I force her to act a certain way, then no, I didn't. But she did change a little after we married. But not so much that she wasn't the same woman. I would not have liked that and she knew it. What makes you ask such a question?" She cocked her head a little, she knew her brother would not like what she was about to tell him, maybe enough that he would confront Gawain, but she didn't like keeping secrets. There had been too much of that already.

"I want you to listen to everything I have to say without judging me or getting angry. Promise?" She asked him. After a moment, he nodded and she began to tell him about her relationship with the knight. As good as his word, he didn't interrupt once. But she saw the way he stiffened when she admitted that she and Gawain had let their love move to the physical act without waiting for marriage. She also noted that his stiffness only lasted a moment before he relaxed a little, only averting his eyes for a second before looking back at her. Once she had finished her story, she said, "I love him, Tim, and I want to be his wife, but I can't stand the thought of being smothered by him. I want to be my own person as well. But, I'm not sure how long that will be acceptable and not cause us to argue all the time. That, I do not want and I hope he doesn't either."

She waited for him to say something, hoping he would give her some encouragement. She saw him look ahead to where the knights were all riding in a small group with Arthur in the lead. She looked in that direction and saw Gawain glance back a few times in the short time she was looking. When she sighed, she looked at her brother and found him watching her closely. Finally, he smiled. "Sarah, you're my baby sister and I've never really thought of you as a woman. But I see how he looks at you and I realize that to other men you are a beautiful creature, very alluring and I have to admit it makes me want to protect you." He paused and she gave him a challenging look, but didn't interrupt his speech. "I don't like the idea of you sharing a bed with any man without waiting to be tied by marriage. It is not right and you know it. But I can also see that he loves you. He is not just using you to warm his bed and fulfill his lust." He saw her lower her gaze as her cheeks became redder in embarrassment. "Since Father is not here to give you this talk, it has fallen to me. I don't mean to embarrass you and I know we have never discussed anything so personal before. But it is a part of life, the gods must have been in a particularly foul mood the day they decided to make men desire a woman's body to the extent they do."

She noted the last part was said almost to himself and despite the turn their conversation had taken, she couldn't help but smile at his words. When he turned to look at her again, she didn't hide her smile or turn away. He was her brother and she valued his opinions, even if she didn't always agree with them. "To answer your biggest question first, I don't think he wants to change you. If the circumstances hadn't been so abnormal with Derek being crazy and all, I don't think he would be trying to smother you, as you put it. He is just concerned that he wasn't able to keep you from being hurt by the man." She had opened her mouth to say something and he held up his hand, "I know, he didn't hurt you as much as we all feared, but it could have happened. When you love someone as much as he seems to love you, then you think of the things that could happen as much as the things that do happen. Give him some time and you'll see that things will work out."

Sarah looked at her brother for a while before nodding, "Tim, Gawain asked me to marry him as soon as we get to the fort. Do we have your blessing?" She asked. "Would it matter if I said no? But to answer your question, yes, you have my blessing. I think I need to ride with your knight for awhile and let him know that even though he is used to having his way because of his station as one of the knights of Arthur, he must still go through the customs of our people. He should have discussed this with me before asking you in the first place." Sarah was surprised at his tone. He sounded just like her father, and like her father, she knew she would get her way, he just wanted to assert his position as her guardian. "Oh, Timothy, promise me you will not say anything that will embarrass me." She implored. He grinned, "I'm not making any promises until he tells me what his intentions are." His tone had become the tone of the 'big brother' once again and she laughed. "Then go talk to him and get it over with. I'm just glad that he has Arthur for a commander. Any other commander wouldn't allow him to marry until his service is up. It wouldn't be that long, a few months, I think, but considering I probably would be with child before that time came, I'm just glad we can get married now."

Timothy tried to give his best shocked expression, "I think any commander would have to let you get married when I filed a formal complaint against one of his soldiers. The very idea that he would allow one of his men to dishonor my sister without the bonds of matrimony would put him in a very bad light." Sarah reached across the distance between their horses and slapped her brother on the arm. She was laughing when he turned all serious once more, "You know, it seems that you and Gawain are destined to live out the same life Father and Mother did. He was still in service to Rome when they met and his commander also agreed to let them wed before his service ended. So you see, not all Roman commanders are strictly by the book. Life isn't always strictly by the book either, remember that." Having said that, he rode forward and she watched as he spoke to Gawain. Gawain said something to Tristan and the two of them slowed to ride side by side. She saw Tristan pull off to the side and when she came up to him, he began to ride beside her. She then knew that either Gawain or her brother had thought it necessary for her to have a 'companion' until their discussion was over. It seemed that change would be slow in coming.


	34. Getting To Know A Knight

Note: Just wondered how many of you have noticed that only three more stories and there will be 1000 KA fanfics on this site? I have one in mind, but I haven't really started yet, so I'm relying on some of you to put us at the one grand mark!

Thanks to all who reviewed! It really makes it worthwhile and inspires me when you tell me whether or not you like my story. I especially like the suggestions, I get great ideas from them, so thank you!

This part of the story is to fill in some gaps from earlier chapters. You know, when we make mention of something in passing and then someone (nikkitaqq) shows an interest in knowing more. So here is the talk she mentioned earlier that she wanted to have with Tristan.

Again I say I don't own any of this that you might recognize. Even some of the things you don't belong to someone else for they gave me the suggestions! This is just for fun and to immortalize the great movie Mr. Bruckheimer produced from the screenplay that Mr. Franzoni wrote, etc. etc.

Does anyone else ever wonder if any of the actors in the movies we write about get to read how well they portrayed their characters? I wonder sometimes if they would be impressed and feel thanks that they did such a good job or if they would be thinking 'these people need to get a life!'…

Sarah raised an eyebrow at her new traveling companion and he didn't feel it necessary to contradict her thoughts. After a moment she remembered the night he had looked so sad when she had talked of her relationship with Derek on the ride to her village. "Tristan, I know you are a very private man, but I saw something in your face once that I want to ask you about. Do you mind?" He regarded her for a moment, then shook his head, "No, but I won't guarantee that I will answer your questions. I won't even guarantee that I can answer your questions." She nodded, "I understand and I won't press if you decide not to even if you can. Do you remember the night I told everyone about my relationship with Derek? I noticed how sad the discussion seemed to make you. I wanted to ask you then, but felt it wouldn't be right to ask in front of everyone else. Why did my story seem to make you so sad?"

They rode in silence for so long that she thought he meant not to answer. She was determined not to go against her word, so rode silently, wondering what was so sad that he would not speak of it. When he spoke, his voice was low, not quite a whisper, but not as loud as was usual in conversation. "I remember." She saw him look out toward the horizon and saw the far away expression brought on by remembering things long past. "When the Romans came to my village I had just asked the woman I loved to be my wife. She said yes and we planned our future. It had been a long time since the Romans had come for any of our young men and we had been secure in our thoughts that, somehow we were being spared from our service." He looked back to Sarah, "Katrina and I decided not to wed until I return since it would be so long. We both promised our love would last until then. Mine has, but your tale made me wonder if, perhaps by some cruel twist of fate, that she had found someone to make our love pale by comparison. I had not thought about it overmuch until then, but if it could happen to you, maybe it happened with her." He seemed to be searching her eyes for reassurance, knowing that she could know nothing of the heart of his love. After a moment, she answered him.

"I'm sorry, I did not mean for my words to bring grief to anyone. I only meant to make you all understand that I wasn't with Gawain for any reason other than I had fallen in love with him." She waited for him to acknowledge her, and finally, he gave a slight nod, then turned to look back at the horizon. "Tristan," she said softly to get his attention once more. He looked back at her and she said, "I would like to say I'm sure your love was different than what I had with Derek, but, you know that would only be words to comfort and could not possibly be truth. How long had you and Katrina been a couple before you asked her?" He didn't hesitate this time in answering, "Since the day she became old enough to braid her hair, which is the sign of womanhood to my people. I had loved her much longer than that, but it is not our custom to speak of such things until both are of age to do so. She only hesitated for one day, to make me suffer for teasing her so ruthlessly before then, so she said. The Romans came three days later."

"Will you return home to find out if she waited for you once your service is over?" Sarah asked as quietly as she could. Tristan had said many more words to her than she had heard him speak before and she was afraid he might decide he had said enough and grow quiet again. He looked back to the horizon for a moment, then he turned to her and she saw the conflict in his eyes and something she had not expected to see, fear. "I am not a man to fear things. Even death does not make me afraid. It is a natural part of life. But fifteen years is a long time and when I think of her with another man, with children at her feet, I am both afraid and angry." Then he shook his head, "I can almost sympathize with Derek's anger toward you." When she started to protest because of the treatment she had received at the other man's hands, he quickly interrupted, "I said _almost_, the difference is I love her enough that I would do nothing to harm her or bring her unhappiness. I saw no such love on the face of the man you were to marry. So to answer your question, I do not know if I will be brave enough to face what I might find should I return home. That decision will be made the day I receive my papers of discharge. Until then, I can't say for certain."

Even though she knew he was a man who seemed to prefer his own company to that of any other, save his animal friends, she felt he was only hiding behind a façade, the same way she had until she met Gawain. She reached out and placed her hand gently on his hands as they held tightly to the reins, "Tristan, I am sure you will do what you feel is best for you and Katrina. But remember one thing, she made a vow to wait for you, and you promised to return to her. It will make your vow a lie if you don't return and at least show that you meant what you said. It will be hard for her to accept that she has waited only to find that you did not return as you promised. If she didn't wait, then give her a chance to explain why. Perhaps my words only brought thoughts that have no meaning. You will never know if you avoid your home."

He had been looking at her hand on his until she put the thought of Katrina sitting and waiting only to be disappointed in him. Then he turned to her and he saw the truth in her eyes. She honestly thought the woman would wait for him and he knew that deep in his heart, so did he. Their love had been different from the love she had told them about. Never had he done anything to force his Katrina to love him. She had done so on her own, of her own free will. He would return to her and face whatever he found in her heart. He owed her that much. He owed their love that much.

"Thank you for asking me about this. I have never told any of my fellow knights about her or my life before my service. They would not understand how I could be afraid to face a mere woman after facing so many fierce enemies over the years. Most of them were too young to have known love before being forced to leave home." Then he did something that both surprised and honored her, pulling one hand free from hers, he placed it over hers, "I am proud to call you a friend and will say that Gawain is lucky to have found you. I wish you both much happiness." She quickly hid her surprise, for she was sure he would be offended to think she expected him to remain aloof after opening his heart to her. "I am proud to have you call me friend, and I think I should thank you as well. Gawain told me you were the one to prod him into coming to me the night I thought he had a change of heart about me. If you hadn't, I don't think we would be where we are now. Thank you for being such a good friend to him and to me." She gently pulled her hand from his and they rode in silence for awhile, each lost in their own thoughts. Both peaceful and content to let the silence draw out.

Gawain broke the silence as they came up to where he was waiting for them to catch up. "Tristan," he nodded his greeting and wondered at the expression on his friend's face. "Sarah, Love, it seems that your brother has given his blessing, a little reluctantly, maybe, but given." She smiled at him and saw him get the crinkle of a half suppressed grin at the corners of his eyes. "Yes, he said he was going to find out your 'intentions' toward me when he left my side. I take it he was pleased at your response?" She teasingly asked him. When Tristan snorted, they both looked at the scout to decipher what he thought was snort worthy. "He only had to watch to know Gawain's intentions. It is written all over his face most of the time." Sarah saw Gawain nod his agreement, "I find it hard to hide how I feel about you, Wench." He teased, but she could tell it was only a half-hearted attempt at a jest.

"It was not always so, you womanizing brute," she threw back at him. Another snort from the scout made her look at him in challenge, "What?" she questioned, "If you snort one more time I may just have to show you what a shrew I can truly be." "I was only thinking that you were the only one who did not see his devotion from the beginning. You should have seen the wenches at the bar whenever they looked at him. Most were trying to figure out how you snared him so quickly when they had been trying for a very long time." She looked from Tristan to Gawain and smiled, "Then I shall have to explain to them when we return." Gawain let his mouth drop open a little and cocked his head at her, "And just what will you tell them?" She laughed, "That is for you to guess for I will never reveal my secret to you. That would only give you an advantage in our future." They both watched Tristan shake his head before he nudged his horse forward, "Love," he admonished, "I always knew it was trouble." They both laughed as he rode away toward the front of the caravan. Gawain moved his horse closer to hers, and she looked into his eyes as he reached over to take her chin to hold it in his palm. "Timothy also told me of your concerns. Know one thing, I love you for who you are and will never try to make you act differently than you wish to act." Then he stood in the stirrups and gently kissed her lips before settling back into his saddle, releasing her as he did.

"It is good to hear you say so, but, as much as I might complain and gripe, I would probably do anything you ask, so deep flows my love for you." She saw him turn so she could not see the huge grin that appeared on his face, then quickly making his face as blank as possible, he turned and nodded at her. "But don't think I will take everything you say with meek acceptance. You can expect many heated words should you try to assert too much control over me." She said as sternly as possible behind her mirth. This brought a loud laugh from the man at her side, "And hopefully, many heated nights of passion afterward." He said in response. Her blush as his words only made him laugh harder. Yes, the love that flowed between them was deep and she finally felt that she understood the love between a man and a woman as it was meant to be. Open, honest, with many levels to be explored in the time the gods allotted them. When it came time to stop for the night, she dismounted her mare and began preparing their camp along with the rest of the knights with a renewed sense of purpose. No one commented on the change in her mood, but even Arthur noticed how much more relaxed she seemed to be.


	35. Indecisions

A Quick Note: Thanks for the reviews, I'm having a little trouble keeping the flow right with this part of the story. It seems kind of boring in some ways, but I hope I'm getting the 'emotions' right so that you can understand what I'm trying to say about the relationships between the characters. When I get too sappy or wordy just let me know…

Disclaimer: Not making money from this obviously, and I don't claim to own any of it. So there is no reason to sue. Not that you could gain from it if you did…

The mood in the knight's camp that night was more relaxed than the previous night. Gawain settled into the usual banter with the others and only caught himself watching her every move once or twice as they ate the stew Jols made for them. Even then, he didn't really think he was 'keeping an eye on her', so to speak. He was just enjoying the sight of her mingling with his friends, accepted as one of them by all, even Tristan. He saw how the scout half smiled and joked with her, which was unusual for the man and wondered what she had done to get through to the stoic and withdrawn man. Whatever it was, he felt it had been good, for Tristan seemed more relaxed than he had ever seen him before. Galahad brought him out of his musings with the toss of a stone, which hit him just above his ear.

"Hey, what was that for?" he asked the younger man. "Just trying to get your attention and since I can't sashay to get your attention, this was the only alternative." Galahad explained with a grin. Lancelot guffawed as Sarah ribbed the younger knight, "Who said you can't sashay? I quite enjoy watching you!" Galahad blushed good naturedly and Bors finished with, "Be thankful it's her watching and not Gawain or some Roman." Lancelot, not being one to be left out when some good-natured ribbing was going on, spoke up, "Actually, I've seen Roman's watch as you walked by, maybe that explains it." He looked up and cocked his head a little as if contemplating his words and missed Galahad picking up another stone. When he looked at the younger man, grinning, he was not prepared to duck and caught the full force of the throw as the stone hit him on the forehead. He cursed and jumped up. Galahad took off trying to explain, I thought you would duck! I didn't mean to actually hit you!" Sarah watched, and laughed as Galahad kept the blaze of the fire between himself and Lancelot as he tried to explain. Arthur walked up, watched for a moment, then called them down, "Enough, you'd better save your energy for when we reach the wall. We've got to help all these people get settled in before we can rest." He watched as the two men did as he said, settling, Sarah noted, on opposite sides of the fire.

Bors pulled out a skin and took a drink before passing it on to Dagonet, who did the same and passed it to Gawain. Sarah raised her eyebrow at Gawain and he whispered as he passed it around her to Tristan, "Bors always carries a stash of wine when we leave." She nodded and watched the men settle down a bit to just enjoy the quiet of the night and each other's company. 'Now this is how life should be', she thought to herself. After a while, she noticed that the fires from the other small camps had begun to die down and leaned close to Gawain, "I'm really tired, I'm going to rest." She wanted to add, 'you don't have to go, I'll be fine', but wanted to see just how much their talk accomplished the night before. She was surprised and a little disappointed that he only squeezed her hand before saying, "Fine, Love, I'll be along shortly."

She slowly got up and headed over to the bedding that had been piled up when they unpacked their horses. All the while she was spreading out her pallet, she was trying to figure out why she was upset that he chose not to follow her. Sure she had told him that he didn't have to stay beside her all the time, and she even waited to see if he would follow anyway. But she had thought he might want to at least sleep beside her. She plopped down on her pallet, angry at him and at herself. 'Stop acting like a spoiled child.' She chided herself. 'He's only respecting your wishes, you dolt.' With that thought, she turned on her side and made herself relax. After several minutes of rearranging herself, she finally just shut her eyes and tried to think of pleasant thoughts. It seemed to be working and she drifted into a sound slumber, her last thought one of thanks that she was lucky enough to have a man like Gawain declare his love so openly.

Gawain felt Sarah put her hand on his arm and looked to see what she needed. When she said she was going to rest, his immediate reaction was to go with her. But he steeled himself and let her go, promising to be along shortly. At least that way, he wouldn't have to wait too long to join her. He had promised to lighten up and not worry about her so much and he would keep that promise, but if tonight were any indication, it would be very hard to do so. It had been hard throughout the day as well. He found himself looking back to see if she was still riding with her brother at regular intervals as they rode toward the wall. But, careful enough not to let her see. Tristan had seen and as usual not commented on it. The scout usually missed very little and Gawain now wished he had asked his opinion on the matter as he had before. He sat there, trying to get involved in the conversations around the fire, but kept getting lost in his own thoughts. Finally after asking once again what someone had said, Lancelot told him, "Since your mind is obviously not with us why don't you just go lay with her and leave us to our talks?" He looked around the group and was about to argue when he decided to just do as Lancelot suggested. "Maybe I should. But you heard her, she wants me to stop hovering over her every move. Now even when I want to be with her I find myself questioning whether or not I should be."

He looked around the group again, finally resting his gaze on the scout. Tristan just looked back with the same empty expression and finally Gawain got up. "You lot are no help at all." He shot out in frustration. Just as he was turning to leave Tristan finally spoke up, "Just do what you will and let her tell you when it's too much. I don't think she'll be shy about letting you know." Gawain hesitated again, then walked toward where she was sleeping. Perhaps Tristan was right. She hadn't told him not to come with her. But she hadn't asked him to either. Damn women! Why couldn't he just do as he pleased. He grabbed a pallet and put it next to hers, his movements jerky in his frustration. He looked to the sleeping form of the woman he loved and his movements halted. Whatever frustrations he felt slipped away at the sight of her face relaxed in slumber. She had the blanket pulled up to her chin and she held it in one fist. The other hand was resting under her cheek with little wisps of hair falling over her eyes. He smiled and gently lay down next to her. He would figure this out, he had to. She was everything to him now and he would not let something so trivial put a wall between them. He felt her relax even more as he moved his body closer to hers. When he lightly draped his arm across her waist, he felt her snuggle back into him and he sighed. It would be alright, she had not moved away from him. He smelled her hair and relaxed. He had not been lying when he said her smell brought him peace. She brought him peace.

Gawain woke the next morning to find her face almost touching his. Her breaths lightly touching his chin whenever she exhaled. Her arm across his chest, his tunic in her hand. He moved the fraction it took to gently kiss the tip of her nose and saw her eyes flutter open at the touch. "Good morn, Love. The sun should be fully up in moments and Arthur will be calling for us to move out." His voice a whisper in the silence of the still sleeping camp. "Good morn." She whispered just as quietly. She moved into his embrace, laying her head on his shoulder, and he gently pushed her hair away from her face. "We should reach the wall by midday. When would you like our marriage ceremony to be held?" She smiled at the mention of their wedding, her wedding, and whispered, "Has it not already been performed? I must be a wanton wench to be laying with a man, impure thoughts racing through my head, without the bonds of matrimony." At her words, he wrapped his arms tighter around her and pulled her into the crook of his neck, her gaze turned up to look into his eyes.

"This ceremony will be for the benefit of the others. As far as I'm concerned, we spoke the words the first night we lay together in your bed. No religious ceremony will ever be necessary for the love I freely give you and the love I receive in return each time I look into your eyes." As he spoke, he gently ran his thumb across her bottom lip, then, he slowly lowered his lips to hers. Their kiss was sweet, with no purpose but to seal their words into their hearts. The sound of someone clearing their throat broke the spell and Sarah looked over his shoulder to find Galahad standing a few feet away. "Sorry, Gawain, it is time to prepare for travel." He said with embarrassment in his tone. "Thank you, Galahad. We'll be ready when Arthur calls for us." Gawain told his comrade, never taking his eyes from her face. "Come, Love, it is time to go back into their world and leave our world, for tonight I will hold you as my wife for the first time in the eyes of the people around us." She smiled at him and he noticed rays of the sun filtering through the canopy of trees to brighten the green of her eyes. Surely the gods were showing him that his future with her as his wife would be one smiled upon by both men and gods.


	36. Devil Escapes

Short Note: Just wanted to take a few quick minutes to update before I take off for a long weekend of camping with my hubby and another couple. This will be the first time we've gone in a few years and I'm really looking forward to it. Before I go, I'm giving you two chapters (ha!). Hope you like them, just let me know. I'll check when we get back on Sunday (got to get back in time for some of the football games! GO RAMS!). Until later, happy reading!

Bull shook the man hiding in his wagon and found a blade held to his throat. He focused on the cold steel, then let his gaze go back to the man's face. He raised an eyebrow and saw Derek sheath the dagger as he hissed, "Never do that again, Fool, I could slit your throat by accident." Bull wanted to tell him he could try, but decided it was just nerves, being so close to the knights, that caused the man to be so gruff. "The sun is almost up and the knights will be calling for us to move out." He told him, then turned and walked back to the front of the wagon to prepare for the trip. He heard Derek moving about, swearing occasionally when he bumped into something. He shook his head and wondered why the man felt it necessary to travel to the wall. It wasn't like he could move about freely when he arrived. Too many people would recognize him and it would be too dangerous to be seen. 'But then, I'm not supposed to understand I guess.' Thought the big man.

Finally, Derek came stumbling around the wagon, "This arrangement isn't going to work. If I have to spend one more day buried under all that rubbage I think I'll go insane!" He exclaimed as he saw Bull holding the harness for the horses. He watched him work for a moment, then he asked, "Can one of those horses pull this wagon?" Bull looked at him through the harness, making him feel uncomfortable. "Well? Answer my question. Can one of those horses handle this wagon?" The measuring look he received made him feel inadequate, something he despised more than anything else. Finally, Bull answered, "I suppose." The stupidity of the man angered Derek and he snapped, "Then find me a saddle. I'm not going to the wall, I've got other plans and I've decided I really don't care if Sarah stays with that knight."

Bull watched him as he puffed out his chest and thought of the rooster that his mother used to keep. How he would puff out his chest whenever he was trying to be the top rooster. If it had been any other man, Bull would have laughed at the thought, but with Derek, you never knew what would set him off on a tirade. Instead, he just did as the man 'requested' and pulled the old saddle out of the wagon. He didn't bother to ask how he was going to get away from the caravan without being seen. It was none of his business and over the last couple of days he had come to regret getting involved with him. He would actually be glad to see him go.

Derek watched as Bull silently did as he ordered, satisfaction at being in charge clearly on his features. When the horse was saddled and Bull offered him the reins, Derek noticed with disdain that the man had not tried to counsel him into staying with the group. "Keep an eye on those knights. I don't trust them with our people and when I can find enough men to make them release you all I will come for you." Bull nodded, never bothering to mention that no one had been forced to leave their homes. Maybe some of the stories being told had some truth to them. Before they had left their village, Bull had never spent a lot of time with Derek. He was happy just tending to his own business and letting others take care of everything else. But this trip had let him see first hand how the man had changed since the Saxon attack.

When the knight came by to check on him, he was ready to leave. Derek had silently left the camp to wait in the woods until everyone was out of sight. Where he meant to go, Bull had no idea, nor did he care overmuch. He was startled when the knight asked, "What happened to your other horse?" Bull shrugged his huge shoulders, "'Twas gone when I got up. Must've wandered away during the night." He saw the questioning look he received from the knight, but then he nodded, "Sorry, we don't have time to search for it now. Will you be alright with only the one?" Bull assured him that he would and the knight went on down the line to check on the others. Bull had not realized just how much these knights noticed and remembered. But he would remember from now on.

Dagonet rode back to the now dismantled camp and told Arthur all were ready to leave. He mentioned the missing horse and heard Sarah ask, "Will the man be alright with only one horse? I could always let him borrow mine if he needs it. I'm sure Gawain would be glad if I rode with him." Dag told her the man had assured him he would be fine and she nodded. "Do you know his name?" Dag shook his head, "No, he seems a little slow and he doesn't talk much. Other than that I know nothing of him."

Sarah thought for a moment, then she asked Dag to describe the man. "He's big, taller than any of the other men I've met from your village. His hair is longer too, like he doesn't care if it is cut or not." Sarah nodded again, "I think I know who you're talking about. His name is Bernard, but everyone has always called him Bull because he's so strong. I remember how everyone used to tease him and how he would just stand there and take it without fighting back. I always thought he did so because he was afraid he might hurt someone if he took up for himself. He's a good man and I think I'll check on him." She mounted her horse and started back toward the wagons. Gawain watched her, then called out, "Sarah, wait!" She stopped and looked over her shoulder, waiting for him to ride up to her. "I'll come with you." He stated and waited for her to argue. When she just nodded, he gave a sigh of relief and they rode together back to check on the villager.

Bull saw the two riders approach and was surprised when he recognized one of them to be Sarah. When she stopped by his wagon, he nodded his greeting and waited for one of them to speak. "Bull, Dag said you lost one of your horses last night." He nodded and she continued, "Do you need to borrow my horse?" He shook his head, "No Ma'am, this horse'll be able to handle what little I brought with me. But I thank you kindly for your offer." He saw her smile, "If you change your mind just let me know. I would feel terrible if you fell behind just because one of your animals decided to go out on its own." He nodded and watched them head back in the direction they came from. He just couldn't see all the bad things that Derek had said about her. She was still just as nice to him as she had always been, something he was not used to from the others. Only her father had ever been as nice to him. He shook his head at the confusion he felt where she was concerned. Surely, Derek was just mistaken about what had happened.

When the wagons in front of his started to move, he followed, only glancing in the direction Derek had left once. Whatever the man had up his sleeve, Bull was just glad he would not have to be involved anymore. He had figured that he would be caught in the middle if something happened. But he would not have let Derek harm Miss Sarah. Whatever had happened between the two, she did not deserve to be hurt.

As the caravan moved slowly to the south, Bull found himself thinking more and more about the things Derek had told him. Then he remembered the look of pure hatred on the man's face and wondered if he should keep an eye on the lady in case he came back. He had just had such a thought when he saw her sitting beside the trail watching him get nearer. "Hello, Bull. Everything still alright with you?" she asked him when he came up to her. He nodded and saw her and the knight start riding beside him. Other than the question about his horse, she didn't talk to him as she rode. Her comments were directed to the man riding beside her and Bull quietly watched and listened as he went along.

The two of them were discussing getting married, and he saw how the knight kept looking at the woman who had always been his friend. Whatever Derek thought, this man loved her. It was in every glance and in every movement he directed toward her. And it was plain that she returned the feeling. The more he watched, the worse he felt for allowing Derek to travel with him. Finally, he could stand it no more and decided to ask her himself what happened.

"Miss Sarah." He called out to her. "Yes, Bull?" She replied. "Would you mind if I asked you a question?" When she smiled and shook her head, he asked her about the things that Derek had said, being careful not to let her know that he had been the one to tell him. He watched her face and saw the pain flash across her eyes. "No, Bull, that is not what happened." She sighed and told him how she had left the village and barely made it to the fortress. By the time she was through with her tale, considering the knight had interrupted her several times to give his side of the story, another knight had joined them to tell them that Arthur wanted them to check on the other villagers and let them know they would be reaching the village soon. He saw 'her knight' wait for her to give him the go ahead and then they rode off. After they had moved on down the line, Sarah asked, "You didn't believe that story did you. Bull?"

He wanted to tell her no, but in truth, he had at first. "I wondered, that's all." He finally said softly. "But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it didn't sound like you." When she flashed him a big smile, he felt that he had betrayed the only person who never made him feel more than he thought he was. He lowered his head. "Miss Sarah. I done something wrong and I want to say I'm sorry." She gave him a questioning look and he decided he had to tell her how close she had been to the man that was spreading those lies. "Derek took my other horse." He looked into her eyes, to show her that he was telling the truth. "He came to my hut the night before we left the village. He told me that this Roman was taking control of the village and wanted him dead so you could be with one of his knights. He sounded so distressed, that I maybe believed him a little. But whatever the reason, I let him stay with me and he hid in my wagon when we left."

Sarah listened to what Bull said, only half believing that it could be possible. "Bull, when did he leave?" She asked quietly. She watched him wrestle with his thoughts, then with his voice strong and steady, he said, "Before daybreak this morning. He said he couldn't stand being hid under all my junk and that he would just have to go somewhere else." He hesitated when he saw the look of fear in her face. "Miss Sarah?" He asked gently to get her attention. "I think he was planning something bad for you, but since you are never alone, he gave up. But I swear, I would not have let him cause you any harm!" He said the last with force and despite how frightened she had been to know how close the man was, she had to let Bull know that she did not blame him.

"I know you wouldn't, Bull. You've always been honest and done what you thought was right." She looked around to see if Gawain was coming back and decided there would be no point in telling him any of this just yet. He had finally begun to relax and she did not want him to be her guard any longer. "Promise me that you will tell no one else what you have just told me." She implored the man. He gave her a long considering look before answering. "I don't understand why you don't want them to know, but if you ask it of me, I will keep it to myself. But, know this, I will be keeping my eye on you and will not let him get close. He thinks I am his friend, so he will let me know if he is nearby." She nodded, then decided he had a right to know why she asked it of him.

"Bull, ever since the night Derek escaped, Gawain has been afraid to let me out of his sight. He is just now relaxed enough that he will leave my side in the bright light of day. I do not wish him to know that there may be danger, but I promise, I will not do anything foolish. Derek frightens me, he is not the same as he used to be, or maybe he is, and I just didn't see it before. I think he's lost his mind and there is no telling what he might do." He had not asked her about the involvement Derek had with the Saxons and she wondered about it. "Did you hear that Derek brought the Saxons to our homes?" She saw by the look in his eyes that he had heard it, and even now she wasn't sure if he believed it or not. "It's true. I promise you, he told me himself and William heard every word. I think that is why he killed him. I don't understand why he would do such a thing, but he said it was to prove to me that he could be as important as the knights we all kept hearing about." She saw Bull nod his head, then his words came as a surprise. She hadn't realized that the man was as astute about the minds of men.

"Miss Sarah, men will do some mighty strange things when they feel they are not as good as everyone else. Maybe I would have been that confused if it wasn't for my mother… and you. The both of you always made me feel that I could do things that others said I couldn't. I know I'm not smart like some men, and I don't like to be around all the arguing about how to do things, but I see and hear more than people realize I do." She watched him puff out his chest at the end and smiled, remembering how he had always stood back and let the others decide what they would do, then he just did it without complaint. "Bull, you are a very smart man. You just don't flaunt it like most men. I'm proud to be your friend, as I'm sure your mother was proud to have you for a son." She saw the grin he flashed toward her, and knew that whatever he did, it would be because he thought it was the right thing to do. She felt no guilt at keeping his tale a secret. The knights, especially Gawain, would not understand a man like Bull. They would blame him for harboring Derek and she would not let him take any heat for his decision. But, she was glad he had told her. Now she knew that she had to be more careful and she vowed to do just that.

She and Bull rode in companionable silence until Gawain rode back beside them. She waved to Bull and they rode toward the front when he told her the fortress was just a few miles ahead. She glanced around, watching for any signs of Derek. Seeing nothing, she enjoyed the sights as they crested the hill and saw the fortress come into view.


	37. Past, Present, Future In A Dress

Note: Well, here's the 2nd update for the weekend. This chapter was great to write and I hope I got across what I was trying. I'm not saying what it is, I want to see if any of you figure it out. Some of this story was taken from my own life, my family, etc. Until I get back… Happy Reading!

As the caravan rode into the fort with Arthur in the lead and the knights directly behind him, Sarah saw Vanora heading for the knight's stable. She smiled knowing that even though the woman would undoubtedly smack him hard across the mouth, she would be pleased to see him back in one piece. As much as she'd heard the two of them grumble about each other and complain at the treatment they received, she knew they truly loved each other. It was evident in everything about them when they were together. Besides, who would have eleven children with someone they didn't love? She let her gaze move around the group of men with her and wondered at how things had changed so much in the last few weeks.

It really hadn't been that long ago that she had despised these men and what they stood for. Now she loved them all as she had loved the people of her home before she left. There was nothing she would not do for any of them and she knew that even though she had not given them a lot of reasons to exactly like her in the beginning, they felt the same about her now. Not just because she was attached to one of them, no, it was just the way they were. No matter how much they argued or fought with each other, if anyone else stepped in, woe be unto them, for they had to face all of these men for their folly. She felt so proud to be included in this tight knit group of people. She felt someone touch her arm and looked to see Gawain watching her intently. Flashing him a smile she let him take her hand in his. "What are you looking so serious about, Love?" he whispered. She let her eyes travel around the group once more, then looked back at the man she loved, "I was just thinking how happy I am right now. How glad I am to be home." She saw the relieved way he looked at her and cocked her eyebrows in question. "What did you think I was thinking about?" She queried, wondering why he would feel relief at her answer.

He was about to answer when Arthur announced to the people standing around, "It is my pleasure to announce that Gawain and Lady Sarah have decided to wed. I know that it is customary to wait until the end of service to allow this, but considering the length of time he has left to serve, I think it fair to forego the custom and allow the wedding to take place now. Anyone who has a complaint about my decision is free to see me later in my quarters." He looked around the yard and saw that no one seemed to have any reason to question his authority on the subject. "Now, make your preparations and let me know if there is anything I can do to be of service." He addressed the couple, then turned back to the people, "The people we escorted back are from the village that the lady is from. We decided that under the circumstances of the Saxon attack they would be safer here for the time being. I would appreciate any help given in making these people feel welcome. If you have extra room please let Jols know so he can arrange sleeping quarters for all of them." He then turned to some of the villagers who were standing around their small wagons looking distinctly out of place. "You are welcome to set up camp on the south side of the wall, even outside the gates, but I ask that you keep an eye out for anything that looks odd and do not wander too far from the fort. The Woads still manage to get south of the wall on occasion and I do not wish to lead you here only to find yourselves in danger from another enemy. Ask any of the local people if you have questions and myself or my knights will visit you regularly to see if there is anything you need assistance with." He waited for a few minutes, to give them time to think of any questions before moving to go to his quarters. As he turned his horse over to Jols, he turned to Lancelot, "I'll meet you in the tavern later." Then he walked proudly away from the crowd. After a few moments of silence, everyone started talking at once, yelling orders to various members of their groups.

Sarah saw Timothy walking among the people and waited for him to get closer to her. When he did, she called, "Timothy!" He looked in her direction and she waved him over. "There is an empty room next to mine behind the tavern and I'm sure Vanora would let you use it." He nodded, then looked back at the people from his home. "I thank you for the offer, but I think my place is with them." He motioned toward the people milling around, gathering their belongings and heading south of the wall. "I can't just let them go about their business like we've forgotten who they are. But," he looked back at his sister, "I won't have to stay with them all the time. I want to check out this tavern I've been hearing so much about." She laughed, "As long as you don't pick up all the bad habits of everyone else who goes there," She gave Gawain's arm an affectionate pat as she spoke. "I'll see you later, then." He nodded, then told her, "I'll be expecting to get a message so I know when the wedding is." Then he walked back to the group of people moving away from them. She waved and saw Bull slowly following the others. "Timothy! Make sure Bull knows when the wedding is. I promised him I would let him know." He nodded again and she looked at Gawain. "Come on, let's find Vanora so she can help me get a dress." She tugged on his arm and heard him grumble under his breath, "A dress! I'd rather you wore nothing at all!" She hid her smile and told him with mock gruffness, "As would the other men, I imagine!" She saw the realization sink in at her meaning and then she saw him look around at the people suspiciously. Try as she might, she could not keep the giggle from escaping her lips, "I'm sorry, but your reaction was priceless!" Their playful banter kept up all the way to the tavern, where they found Bors already holding a mug of ale as Vanora began preparing for the onslaught of people that would inevitably show up now that the knights were back at the wall.

"Hey, Vanora! Sarah needs a dress to wear to a wedding! Can you help?" Gawain shouted at the top of his lungs. Vanora stopped her work and hurried over, "Oh, Sarah, I heard the news. I knew you two were a good match. Of course I'll help, come on, the bar can take care of itself for a while. I know just the dress you need." Sarah blinked a couple of times at the onslaught of words coming from the other woman. She looked at Gawain and saw him heading toward the table where Bors was sitting. She frowned and waited for him to look back at her and when he did she gave him a scorching glare. He just shrugged his shoulders, "You don't need my help, I'll be right here when you get done." She wanted to be angry that he'd deserted her, but honestly, she was glad that he wouldn't see her dress until time for the wedding. She wanted to surprise him and look beautiful. So far he had only seen her in her usual clothes and she wanted him to be proud of his bride. She flashed him a smile as Vanora grabbed her arm and practically dragged her away from the tavern, talking all the while about what they had to do.

"After we get the dress, oh, you should see it! It's green, dark green with little flowers embroidered along the bodice and along the hem. It'll make your eyes shine! Then, there's some lace sewn into the neckline, I don't think it's too revealing, but with your build, we may have to figure something out… Oh, well, I can't wait for you to see it!" Sarah stumbled along behind Vanora, almost running to keep up and wondered at the woman's stamina. After having eleven children she could still move around faster than most women and she never seemed to tire out. Just as Sarah was about to tell her that they were going to have to slow down, Vanora grabbed her arm again and pulled her toward a small building. She recognized it as the shop of a woman who made clothes for some of the people and wondered why she had a dress already made that no one had picked up. It was unusual to spend time sewing something that no one had ordered beforehand.

Vanora told the woman what they wanted and she quickly went to the back and stepped through a curtain that separated her work area from her living area. When she returned, she was lovingly carrying a dress in her arms and Sarah's jaw dropped at the sight. Vanora was right, it was the most beautiful dress she had ever seen. The material practically shimmered when it moved. "Oh, Sadie, you've added more embroidery, how wonderful!" Vanora exclaimed as Sadie spread the dress out for them to look at. Sarah reached out and gently ran her fingers across the creation, for it was much more than just a dress. She could tell by the way the woman handled it that it had special meaning to her. "Oh, it is so beautiful, but surely I could never afford something so extravagant." She said breathlessly. Sadie made a clucking sound with her tongue, "Nonsense, no dress is ever beautiful until it is worn by a beautiful woman. Besides, I could never ask you to pay for something that I made purely for my own enjoyment. This dress has been a hobby of mine for the past year, something to keep me occupied since my George passed last winter." Her voice became quiet and Sarah heard the sadness behind the words. "I'm sorry, Sadie, but surely you could get a lot of coins for this dress and I wouldn't feel right just taking it like this."

"Well, girl, whatever you say, but come try it on. You look the right size and I don't think I would have to do much to make it fit you like it was, well, made just for you." Sarah hesitated, then feeling that Sadie would be hurt if she didn't at least try it on, she followed them behind the curtain. As the women helped her change into the dress, Sadie told the story of why she started making it. "When my George got sick, I had to spend a lot of time sitting by his bedside. I had started making the dress thinking some wealthy Roman woman would need something when she came to visit, you know they used to come here a lot, not so much any more. But I'm straying from my story. Well, too much light from the candles made George's eyes hurt, so the only thing I could do was close up work using only one small candle. I had no need for pretty things around here, you know, table covers and such, so I decided to put some detail on the dress, something to brighten it up a bit. So, while I sat here watching him waste away, I thought of all the beautiful flowers he used to bring me when we were young. He knew I loved them, you see, and when he was in the fields plowing and planting, he would pick the wild flowers and bring them to me when it was time to come back home. George always loved to grow things and he would tend the wild flowers just like some grand garden. He even named some of them, mostly giving them names because of the way they looked or when they bloomed." She pointed to one small flower and said, "He called this one a 'daisy' because it bloomed in the summer when the days were longer. That was my George, plain as an old hat, but we had some good years together." She grew quiet and Sarah looked at Vanora, who had a faraway look in her eyes. Looking back at Sadie, she asked as she pointed to a flower that had petals that were all attached instead of separated like the others and were all on a vine that ran the length of the sleeves, "What did he call this one?" Sadie looked at the flower and smiled. "That was a 'morning glory' because it bloomed early in the morn and withered as the day passed. Now this one," and she pointed to a white flower with a large black center, "he called the 'black-eyed Sadie' because he said my eyes were as black as pools of water on a starless night."

By the time they had her dressed, she had heard all the names of the flowers and found she had come to love the dress. "Sadie, I know you've spent a lot of time on this dress, and I couldn't possibly take it without paying you for your time, but I would be honored if you would let me borrow it so I could wear it to my wedding. Maybe that way it will bless my marriage and I can have the wonderful memories of Gawain that you have now of your beloved George." She saw Sadie's eyes tear up and she wrapped her arms around the weathered old woman. "Miss Sarah, I would be mighty pleased if you would wear my dress and I'm sure that you will have as many wonderful memories as I do now. Come now, enough of this melancholy talk, we've got to get you ready to stand by your man and pledge your life to make him happy." Having said that, she began to fuss over the dress, pulling and tugging to get it just right. "See, I was right, it fits you like I had made it with you in mind. And that red hair, it just sets off the green color of the material." She gave a little sigh, "When I bought this material it made me think of the earth, covered in green in the spring after the snow had melted and the grass had come back to life. This dress just shouts of new beginnings, for the world as much as for the woman wearing it." Sarah looked at Vanora and saw her nodding her head. "She's right, Sarah, this dress is perfect. I knew you would like it and I knew Sadie would agree with me that it is the right dress for you to be wed in. Now, where can we find something with flowers to put in your hair? It's got to be just right to blend in with the dress or it'll ruin the whole look."

Sadie walked over to a small chest at the foot of her bed. She moved a couple of things that sat on top of the chest and opened it. She gently moved a few things around and pulled out a small cloth wrapped bundle. She carefully unwrapped it and Sarah saw that it was a piece of lacey material, slightly brown with age. "This was the veil that my mother gave me when I married George. She wore it when she married my father and my grandmother wore it before her. Every bride in my family has worn it and I'm not sure even who made it, but you can tell it was woven with love in mind. I had hoped I would have a daughter that I could pass it to, but for whatever reason the gods had, we were not blessed with children." Again Sarah heard the sadness in her voice and she felt tears begin to form in her eyes. "I thought it would be left to rot away in that old trunk but I just couldn't bring myself to throw it out. Now I think maybe I saved it for just such a happy occasion." She held the lace out to Sarah, who touched it reluctantly. "Oh, Sadie! It is lovely." She whispered as she gently ran her fingers over the material, seeing that tiny flowers had been woven into a design throughout. "I would be honored to wear it but I would want to give it back so you can take care of it. I wouldn't feel right just keeping it." "Honey, you just keep it wrapped in this oil cloth so the bugs don't eat away at it and when you have a daughter, give it to her along with the dress. Tell her the story I've told you and she can keep my memories alive. That way the love I've been blessed with all these years will not die away and be forgotten."

Sarah took the lacey veil and held it to her cheek. She looked from Sadie's face to Vanora's and saw that their eyes were as misty as hers. "Thank you Sadie. You have made me the happiest bride on the whole island today. I will be sure that your story never is forgotten and I will point to each flower on this dress and tell my daughter the story of how they got their names." She hugged the woman again, "Please, will you come to my wedding. You will have a place of honor and stand up as my mother who cannot be there." Sadie wiped her eyes and gave a sad smile. "I think maybe the gods brought me a daughter after all. Now let's get you out of that dress so you can go have a nice bath. You'll want to be all fresh and smell nice for that new husband." The two women helped her change back into her leather britches and tunic, Sadie clucking her tongue several times and mumbling about women dressing as men. Sarah couldn't help but smile and saw Vanora trying to hide her smile behind her hand a few times. When they were finished, they headed toward the baths, telling Sadie to get ready and someone would come by to escort her to the wedding. Sarah gently carried the package Sadie had wrapped, holding both the dress and the lace veil she would wear. She could just see Gawain's expression when he saw her for the first time wearing it all.

As she took her bath, Vanora washed and brushed her hair. "You know, Sarah, Gawain will be pleased with the dress. Not just because it is so lovely and you will be beautiful wearing it. He has a soft spot in his heart for Sadie. When George became ill, Gawain made sure that someone worked the fields and took food to them. You see, Sadie made all of his pants and tunics since he came here and he's kind of adopted her as a surrogate mother. Well, all of the knights have. Even my Bors goes by and visits her from time to time." Sarah listened to the stories and marveled at the way these men, known for their fighting abilities, could be so compassionate with someone like Sadie. Vanora told her of the times that Sadie had almost given up because of loneliness since she lost her husband and how one or two of the knights had always made sure she had a reason to keep going. Sarah's heart swelled that these fierce warriors could be so loving and wondered that she had never heard any of this in their talks at the tavern. When she mentioned it to Vanora, the other woman laughed. "They do little things like that all the time, they just don't talk about it. Everyone talks about how Arthur is so honorable, always doing the right thing. But most people forget that the others do just as much. This is their home now, as much as they talk of going back where they came from, I don't think they really will ever do it. Maybe Galahad. But not the others. They might complain about having to take care of all the people on this island, but they do things that is not part of their duty everyday. That's why I love them all so much."

Sarah stood up and wrapped her arms around Vanora in a tight hug. "Thank you for sharing those stories with me. I know when I first came here I had ideas about all of them that turned out to be wrong. But, I want you to know that I've come to know more about them since then and I, too, love them all." Vanora gave a single nod, "Good, then let's get back and make sure the men aren't so drunk already that we'll have to prop them up at the wedding." They giggled at the mental picture of all these grown men being propped up with sticks and headed back toward the tavern, each lost in her own thoughts.


	38. Wedding

Note: It gets tiresome trying to come up with new ways to say the same thing, so I'm just going to say it the same way from now on… Thanks. Thanks for reading, thanks for reviewing. I have had fun writing all of the chapters leading up to the wedding, but I think this was my favorite to write, the actual wedding. I took excerpts from the ceremony when my husband and I renewed our vows at the Ren Fest this summer (I don't think I'll ever forget those words!) and although I don't think there were actual 'rings of stones' anywhere near the fortress at Hadrian's Wall, I know that the Druids practiced many of their ceremonies inside such rings and wanted one for the wedding. Kind of like Fuqua used them in the movie. And the bit about the decorations… they didn't have streamers and such back then, but I just wanted to bring Sadie back into the scene. I just love that woman! She's loosely based off my own grandmother, who I loved dearly and I miss her terribly. This chapter is dedicated to anyone who misses a loved one, gone, but not forgotten. As long as we remember them, they live in our hearts and will not fade away. Maybe that's what is meant by 'life after death'. You know, all sayings have a beginning and I wonder sometimes just how far off the meanings of some old sayings have actually become… Hope you enjoy this… I know I did.

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it don't belong to me… if you don't recognize it, then it does. Clear enough?

While the ladies were getting the bride ready for the wedding, Arthur and the other knights were getting Gawain ready as well. After much persuasion he finally agreed that he would wear his best armor over his best clothes and the other knights would wear theirs as a show of pride in their fellow warrior, reluctant as they had been to take such a profession, it was who they were. Arthur, as the commander, would stand with Gawain and one of the local men would perform the ceremony, mostly because he was the only one who knew the words. Arthur had commented that Romans were married by a priest of the church, but since neither Sarah nor Gawain were Roman, he was sure it would not be necessary. Gawain laughed as Bors grumbled that Vanora was sure to get all mushy and want to be the next bride. "Now, Bors, wouldn't you rather marry her than let someone take her away?" he asked after a particularly long tirade of grumbles. Before Bors could answer, Lancelot piped up, "Like me? I'm just waiting for her to get tired of waiting on you, you know." They all laughed when Bors became flustered, trying to come up with a snappy comeback, then in frustration, he just bellowed, "Only if you have a death wish!"

Finally, they were all dressed and standing around. "Well, now what do we do?" Galahad asked everyone in general. Bors quickly spoke up, "We could go have a drink while we wait." Arthur knew that if the women took too long, some, if not most of the knights would be too drunk to attend the wedding, so he volunteered to seek them out to see how much longer they would be. "Now men, this is a big day for Gawain, don't go and get drunk before the big event." Gawain assured him they wouldn't and he left to find Vanora and Sarah. When he got to the house that Bors and Vanora lived in, he knocked and was greeted by one of their children. "Hello, Two is it?" When she nodded, he continued, "Is your mother home?" She moved into the small main room and he followed her silently, listening to the giggles and laughter coming from another room. "I see that the ladies are busy. Will you tell Vanora that I am here to escort them to the meeting hall. We will go from there to meet with everyone else." He watched her quickly run from the room and looked around. None of the other children were present and he wondered where they had gotten off to. He was brought out of his thoughts when Vanora came into the room.

"Arthur! You are about to see the most beautiful bride in the whole of Britain. Come, Sarah, let's not keep Arthur waiting." She called over her shoulder. Arthur watched the doorway expectantly, and caught his breath when he saw Sarah come slowly into the room. She stepped gingerly, holding her dress up off the floor. "Lady, I think Vanora was correct. You are radiant!" She flashed him a huge smile and gently let the dress fall around her feet. "Thank you, Arthur. Vanora took me to see Sadie and she had this beautiful dress. Isn't it the most wonderful creation ever made by human hands?" Her voice was breathless and her face shone with excitement. "I think I'll have to agree. It is lovely, but I'm sure the blush on your cheeks only makes it more beautiful. May I ask one favor, nay, two favors of the blushing bride?" He asked and saw her cheeks become more rosy. "Of course, Commander, I will be proud to grant you two favors on this wonderful day!"

"First, I ask that when you make your entrance before Gawain, that I can be standing so that I may see his face and second, I would ask that you save one dance for me, so that I may say I danced with the most beautiful lady along Hadrian's Wall on this day." She smiled and nodded. Then she lowered her head and curtsied, "Kind sir, I would be honored." Then lifting her head quickly, she asked in a breathless whisper, "Do you really think he will be pleased with my choice of a dress?" Before Arthur could answer, Vanora spoke up, "If he's not, I'll be willing to wager that there are others who will be pleased. Now, let's get going before Bors drinks enough to be loud and rowdy. Two, go find your brothers and sisters and have them go find their father." She instructed the oldest of Bors daughters. "As soon as everyone is ready, come tell us so we can make our entrance." Two ran out of the house and Arthur held out both his arms for the ladies to take. "Come, let us head to the meeting room. As soon as Two comes back, we can begin the festivities." Arthur told them as they headed back toward the fortress hall.

They had only been at the hall for a few minutes when Two came bursting through the doorway. "Ma, Pa says it's time to get this over with." Sarah laughed at the choice of words and Vanora made a clucking sound and said, "I'm going back with Two, Sarah, you look beautiful. I'll make sure Timothy is where he is supposed to be since he is giving your hand in place of your father. Arthur, I'll see you at the ceremony." Then with a swish of her skirt she was headed out the door. Sarah looked at Arthur, "Well, I guess we'd better be heading that way. Thank you for bending the rules of the Roman Empire by letting us get married. I really appreciate it." He took her hand and placed it on his arm, "My pleasure. I have seen my men suffer through too many sad occasions to deny any one of them a chance at happiness. I would thank you for putting the smile on Gawain's face. I don't think I've ever seen him as happy as he is now without the benefit of ale." She smiled at his words as they headed toward the circle of stones at the edge of the southern side of the wall.

Gawain stood with his comrades, fidgeting because it seemed to be taking so long for her to come to him. What if she changed her mind? What if being the wife of a Sarmatian Knight wasn't what she wanted after all? For what seemed like the thousandth time, he looked toward the direction she would enter the circle. The sound of Tristan's voice, low so only he could hear, brought his attention back to the scout. "Remain steady, for her love for you is so." He looked at the calm face of the other man and took a deep breath. "I just can't believe my good fortune to have found a woman such as Sarah to be my wife. I keep thinking I will awake and find this has all been just a wonderful dream and I'm back here, drinking to forget what I've lost through my time as a slave to Rome." He replied wistfully. "Nay, 'tis real." The scout told him, then he nodded his head in the direction Gawain had been watching, "For here she is."

Gawain turned and caught his breath. She was breathtaking in her beauty. The light, colored in the deep hues of sunset, was behind her, making her seem to glow. Her dress was green, darker than her eyes, but he knew it would make her eyes shine. She had a long piece of cloth over her head that hung down her back, covering her hair that was loose, hanging to her waist. She had her hand on Arthur's arm and was smiling up at his commander when her brother stepped up and took her hand and placed it on his own arm. Arthur looked in his direction and bowed his head. "Damn." Galahad whispered and he looked back at his fellow knights to find them all standing there with their mouths hanging open. All except Tristan. As usual, he didn't seem fazed by anything. "Is this a dream?" he asked no one in particular and looked at Bors when he said, quietly for a change. "If it is, don't wake me." He turned back to see that Timothy was slowly walking her toward him and he caught her eyes for the first time. The love he saw in them made his heart swell with pride. When she was about half way to him, he heard someone playing a soft tune on some kind of instrument and wondered if this was what Arthur meant when he referred to the angels playing music, for it couldn't sound any sweeter to his ears, as did the music that brought her to him.

Sarah looked ahead and saw Gawain. She locked her gaze with his and felt the rest of the world slip away as she saw the look in his eyes. Not for the first time since she left her village, she felt his love surround her and pull her to him. Not once did she take her eyes from his as Timothy led her to stand beside the man she loved with all her heart. When the man who would speak the words that would forever bind them together began to speak, she finally drew her eyes from his. "As her brother and guardian, do you give her in marriage to this man?" He asked Timothy. She looked at her brother and saw him smile as he placed her hands into Gawain's outstretched palms. "I do." Then Timothy bowed to Gawain and backed away, leaving only the two of them standing in the center of the circle with the speaker. "Gawain, do you promise to love this woman and keep only unto her, forsaking all others, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, to provide for her and protect her as long as you both shall live?" He addressed the question to Gawain, who looked at Sarah before he answered, "I do." Then he asked Sarah, "Do you, Sarah, promise to love this man and keep only unto him, forsaking all others, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, to bed and sup him as long as you both shall live?" She gazed into Gawain's eyes and felt him squeeze her hands gently. "I do." Then the man handed Gawain a cup and he took a sip, looking at her over the rim of the cup. He then passed it to her and she did the same, never taking her eyes from his. When she had taken a sip, she passed the cup back to the man, who spoke, "As you both drink from the same cup, so shall you be of the same heart and mind, forever bound upon this earth and beyond, as long as the sky is above us and the earth below. Gawain and Sarah, you are now one as witnessed by all present this day." As he finished speaking, he slowly backed away and Gawain gently leaned down and kissed her lips. She returned his kiss and heard the people around them begin to cheer.

The ceremony went by in a blur to Gawain. All he could remember was the look in her eyes and the feeling in his chest when the man spoke the words that would bind them together for all eternity. To him, they were not only words, for he felt different after they were spoken. He felt the binding inside his chest, around his heart and knew that no matter what the gods held for them, he would never know the emptiness he had felt in his heart since the day he had left his home. For now, home was wherever Sarah was. When he leaned down to kiss her, he felt no passion or desire, other than the desire to protect her from whatever evils that might lurk in their future. The kiss he gave her tied the knot on the bind that now held them together. When the crowd around them began to cheer, he reluctantly pulled his lips from hers and releasing one of her hands, he gently rubbed his thumb across her lips. "I love you, Sarah, and with all my being I pledge to make you happy." She smiled and they turned to face his friends and his new brother. He saw Arthur walk toward him and hold out his arm. He reached out and clasped the commander's forearm, "Congratulations, Gawain, may God bless you with many years of happiness and many sons and daughters." He told his friend and knight. "Thank you Arthur, I am already blessed." Arthur nodded, then released the hold on his forearm and turned to Sarah. "Sarah, you are a beautiful bride and I am honored to welcome you into my circle of friends. Into my family, for that is how I look at my men, as my family." He held his hand out and she started to place hers in his, instead she threw her arms around his neck and gave him a big hug. "Thank you. I too, look at all of you as part of my family and this is my home, now."

This scene played out with each of the other knights until they came to Tristan. He clasped Gawain's arm in a brotherly embrace, but instead of extending his hand as the others had, he just reached out and to everyone's surprise, including Gawain's, hugged Sarah. "May the gods bless you and Gawain." He said quietly. Sarah whispered into his ear. "And may you find your Katrina with her arms open wide when you return home." He looked into her eyes once more, then nodded and backed away. To everyone except Gawain, it was just another person giving their blessing to the new couple. When he gave her a quizzical look, she only replied. "It is not for me to tell you, Husband. But I think your scout has more feelings than any of you give him credit for. Ask him some day, and I'm sure he will tell you what it meant." He made a mental note to do just that whenever the opportunity came. But this was not it. Now, there was to be much celebrating and some of the people, especially Bors and Galahad, were getting anxious to get started, so they all headed back toward the fortress so it could begin.

When the 'happy couple' stepped into the tavern Sarah was surprised at the sight that awaited them. She glanced up at Gawain and saw that he was not surprised, and smiled as she exclaimed, "Oh, this is wonderful!" Someone or many some ones, had taken the time to decorate the outdoor tavern with flowers and green vines. She left his side and touched some of the flowers, recognizing them from the story Sadie had told her. She looked around the area and finally found the woman she was thinking of, standing beside Arthur, watching with a smile on her face. A quiet whisper in her ear brought her attention back to reality, "It was Sadie's idea. You were so enthralled with the dress she made that she wanted to extend the theme to the celebration after the wedding." Gawain told her. She looked into his eyes and saw that he was pleased with her response. "Oh, Gawain, Vanora told me about how you and the other knights have been taking care of her since her husband died. Thank you, not only for this," she waved her arm to encompass the whole area, tears forming in her eyes, "but for being who you are in here," and she tapped his chest. "I love you." She wrapped her arms around his middle and felt him put his chin on the top of her head. "Come, this is a time for laugher, not tears, even if they be tears of joy." He gently pushed her out of his arms and began to pull her toward the group at the bar, watching them with huge smiles on all their faces. When they got nearer, she sniffed and wiped at her eyes, preparing for the teasing that would surely come because of the tears. She wasn't wrong, for the first thing Lancelot said when they approached was in jest, "See, she's crying already. I guess she realized what she's gone and done."

With a smile, she looked at him and replied, "You're exactly right, Lancelot, I realized just how much I love all of you, but especially Gawain." She felt him squeeze her hand gently, then she pulled from him and stepped up to Sadie. "Sadie, you are the most wonderful woman I've ever met, next to my mother. Thank you so much for helping make this day so special." She gave her a hug to much 'tsking' from the other woman. "I've done nothing, dear, the gods had already done it all." Looking around the group of people, she saw that all of them had that far away, misty-eyed look, but before it became too melancholy, Galahad shouted, "Drink!" which had the desired effect of bringing everyone back to the celebration at hand.


	39. After The Wedding

AN: Just a very short chapter. I've had the worst case of writer's block and even though it's been almost a month(!) I still haven't shaken it off. This is my one attempt to get back into this story, and I apologize that it is so… oh, hell, I'll be honest, so sloppy! But I think if I post it and get it over with I can finally get back down to business and finish this. I hope I don't disappoint too much.

Disclaimer: Like I could steal this from anyone else! I'm the only one brave enough to put my name to it.

Marcus had been sitting at his table, staring into his ale and thinking about his years in Britain. The sound of loud laughter made him look up and he turned toward the table where all the noise was coming from. The table where all of the Sarmatians were sitting. The celebration went on way into the early morning hours, unusual for the people of Hadrian's Wall, since they all had so many things to get done from sunup to sundown. But it was a rare, happy occasion and none wanted it to end. Even the Roman soldiers were having a good time. Usually, they just sat around and grumbled because all the women were vying for a spot with one of the knights, giving them the 'left-out' feeling they hated so much. Damn Sarmatians! They acted like they were the only ones taken from their homes and sent somewhere they did not want to be. But, if the rumors were true, that would change soon. Rome would pull them from this blasted island. Difference being, the Sarmatians would get to go back to their homes. The Romans had no idea where they might end up. Hopefully, somewhere better than this. Seeing that there was no reason to pay attention to the goings on around him, he turned his attention back to his drink and the thoughts going through his head.

He wondered how the knight had gotten the attention of Sarah. She had been so adamant that she did not desire any attention from the womanizing knights that he had been surprised when he got word that she was to wed one of them. Whatever those men possessed that the women found so irresistible really grated on his nerves. Maybe he should have taken more time being sure she was not being harassed by them. But, then, he believed her when she said they did not interest her in the least. Without meaning to, he let his thoughts drift back to the first evening he had noticed her working the tables… She had looked frightened and out of place, dodging the groping hands of his fellow soldiers. The knights had been away on one mission or another, so the only men around were in Roman uniforms. He had watched for a while before stepping into one particularly ugly situation. The soldier he had reprimanded hadn't taken kindly to being hauled over the coals in front of a potential conquest and the drink did not make the situation any easier to diffuse. But after a little shouting and some ruffled feather smoothing by some of the other wenches, things had calmed down. She had come by later to thank him for stepping in and they had talked for a little bit. Her story was the usual. Driven from her home by attacks from one group or the other, working desperately to go back, which he understood but had little hope she would like what she found. This land was so barbaric. It made him homesick for the order of his beloved Rome. He had then told her of his home and they had talked until the sun peeked over the horizon. For some reason, he had been reluctant to leave her side, even for the much needed rest. She reminded him of his beloved daughter, left behind with her mother so many years before.

Then the knights returned and she completely changed. Not just her attitude, even her appearance was almost unrecognizable. Weeks later he had asked her about it and was shocked that she was so frightened that these men would notice her. He made it his mission to let her know whenever they would be around so she could avoid unwanted attention. Somehow in all this he had gotten the impression that he had meant more to her than just a warning system and someone to talk to. Somehow he had thought that finally there would be a woman that wouldn't be spoiled by the barbarian knights the Empire thought they needed. He had thought she could be the daughter he never got to see grow up. He shook his head to bring himself out of the thoughts going through his mind and looked around again. She was sitting on the knight's lap and he could tell by her smile that she was happy. Well, at least this time, he had married her instead of just dumping her as they usually did. Often times carrying one of their bastards in her belly. 'That's not entirely fair' he thought. For the Romans were just as likely to make one of them swell bellied as the Sarmatians. This place brought out the worst in everybody. He was just glad that his Sophia wasn't in this barbaric place. Maybe that was why the Commander had allowed the wedding. Maybe he was tired of all the little bastards running around and wanted to keep the knight from going back to Sarmatia and leaving another child to make it with only a mother to raise it. With that thought he stood up and left the tavern. Oh, how much he wanted to get out of this hell. He didn't think he had ever felt so alone and homesick in all the years he had been away from home.

By the time Sarah and Gawain finally made it known that as far as they were concerned the party was over, most everyone in the place was beyond drunk. Even Arthur quit drinking when he couldn't stand up anymore without falling onto someone or a table or chair that he swore was not there when he started. It seemed that the bride and groom were the most sober of all present and Sarah knew it was because they needed less to feel the happiness than the others. For they had each other. They had love, a commodity that was worth more than gold. One last look around the place that had now become her home and she let Gawain take her hand to lead her to their room. It seemed that the horrible things that had happened to the people of her village was now a thing of the past and from this night forward they could rebuild their lives. She hoped they stayed here at the wall. She missed the lands she had grown up in, but with things the way they were now, she had no desire to face the unknown future that would await any who lived beyond the protection of Arthur and his knights. With the thought of Arthur's knights came the thought of the man that walked beside her. One of Arthur's knights. Her husband. The man she loved with all her heart. A contented sigh escaped her lips and she felt the squeeze he gave her hand and looked to find him grinning at her.

She returned his grin with one of her own, then adopted a serious expression, "What amuses you, my Husband?" she said with as much severity as she could muster. She knew he had seen through her façade by the twinkle in his eyes, but kept her stern look, just to keep up the teasing. "Oh, I was just thinking that I had to chase you halfway across this damned island just to win your heart and now you've gone and brought your whole village to live with us. You know, you can't keep bringing in every stray you come across don't you?"

Sarah feinted a disgusted look and looked away for a moment. Then pulling her hand from his, she put both hands on her hips, "Vanora was correct in one thing. A woman has to establish the rules up front, before the man has a chance to get all big headed and think he's in charge. You listen here, Husband, when I think there's enough strays around us, I'll stop. Until then, you just swing your axe and protect those I bring in. Understand?" She watched as he tried to come up with a sharp comeback, then with a hearty laugh he took her in his arms and swung her around. "And Bors was right. If you give the woman one thing, she'll want everything. Fine, my Wife, you bring in as many people as you wish. I'll protect them all just for you." Before he sat her down, he gently kissed her and whispered, "But tonight, it will only be the two of us. Do I make myself clear?" Her laughter would have been enough of an answer, but she couldn't help but say, "As you wish, Husband. You are, after all, the man of our house." She lowered her eyes in hopes she looked subservient, but the giggle that escaped her lips gave her away. "You little spitfire." He teased. "At least let the others think so. Deal?" She giggled at his request, then answered, "Deal." Then the happy couple began the walk to their new home.


	40. The Angry Side of Love

The daily life at the fort settled into a routine for Sarah and the members of her village. Arthur had allowed them to move away from the wall, to the south, where they began to "re-build". While Gawain was away or busy with the duties of a knight, she often walked the short distance to the new village site to see how everyone was doing. It was a pleasant surprise when she learned that her brother had all but taken over the many duties that a leader needed to take care of and she made a point to tell him how proud she was. He had mumbled something that she took to be "I'm just doing what needs to be done" before he rushed off to do another of the many things that kept him busy. As she slowly walked back toward the fort, she found that more often than not she had a smile on her face. Life was truly a very pleasant place right now and she had a hard time thinking about anything that had happened before that might upset her. This time, she was so wrapped up in her happy mood, that it took a while to realize that there was angry shouts coming from the direction of the practice yard. Once she realized that it was more than just the usual sounds of the knights good-natured banter, she picked up her skirts and ran toward the sounds.

She stopped just short of the group when she realized that the only thing keeping Gawain and Bull from each other was the fact that Lancelot and Galahad were holding Gawain and Bors and Dagonet were holding Bull. Gawain was shouting at Bull and the bigger man was shouting back. Everything had been so pleasant that she had completely forgotten about the fact that Bull had helped Derek, but it seemed that the subject had somehow come up between the two men. And from the sound of things, Gawain was none too pleased about it. Taking a deep breath and steeling herself, Sarah walked determinedly toward the group.

"Gawain! Bull!" she shouted to get their attention. She noticed that Bull looked at her before her husband and immediately began to try to explain, "Miss Sarah, will you explain that I didn't do nothing to hurt you on purpose? I tried to tell him," he gestured toward Gawain with his head, "but he won't listen. He thinks I'm spying for Derek!"

"Bull, I'm sure Gawain doesn't believe any such thing, and this is my fault for not remembering to mention any of what you told me before now. Now, I think you can let go of them so we can get this straightened out." She spoke to the four men trying to keep them from killing each other, but she was looking directly into Gawain's eyes as she spoke. The fury she saw there disturbed her, partly because she had heard the tales of his fighting abilities, but mostly because she knew she had just turned some of that anger toward herself when she admitted that she had known of Bull's involvement with Derek for quite a while. She held his gaze and prepared for the outburst as best she could, but after a moment he looked away and spoke to Bull.

"It seems I was wrong. I offer my apologies for accusing you of spying, but I don't apologize for saying I will kill you if you cause her any harm. That I meant." He waited until Bull registered what he'd said and nodded his understanding. Bull began trying to explain again and Gawain held up his hand. "No further explanation is needed, just promise me one thing, if you see or hear anything from him again, I will be the first man you seek out." Bull nodded, "I'll do anything to help keep Miss Sarah safe." Satisfied, Gawain turned away from Bull and stepped toward her. "Come, we have some things to talk about." He took her arm and she either had to go with him or be pulled away from the group. She noticed the look of surprise on the faces of his fellow knights and wondered that none of them had said a word since she had walked into the argument.

Gawain didn't say anything the entire walk back to their quarters, but Sarah could tell he was still mad, so she didn't speak either. She decided to let him rant and rave as much as he wanted, after all, she did deserve it for keeping Bull's story a secret. But, she had only wanted everything to calm down and thought that by telling him it would only keep things stirred up. Surely he would understand that she just wanted to forget all that had happened and begin their new life in peace? Once he had calmed down, she decided she would try to make him understand her side, but right now was not the time. Right now she would be lucky to get a word in and she was quite certain that he wouldn't hear anything she said anyway.

Once the couple stepped into their room and he had slammed the door behind them, Gawain walked over to the table and poured some water into the bowl. He splashed his face and keeping his back to her, he dried the water off and wrapped the towel around his neck, holding the ends in his hands as he turned toward her. She was sitting on the edge of the bed looking meekly at her hands folded in her lap. As he watched her, she slowly looked up and the look in her eyes made all his anger just disappear. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears and he felt physical pain that he had caused those tears. Why couldn't she just understand that he was only worried because that man was still running around out there somewhere and at any moment he could show up to cause her harm? With a sigh, he took the two steps that separated them and sat down beside her.

"Why did you feel it necessary to keep it from me that Derek had been traveling with us?" His voice was as close to a whisper as she had ever heard and the fact that he did not shout only made the tears begin to slowly slip down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I meant no harm. I just wanted to forget everything about that part of my life and start over. I wanted us to be happy, without worrying about what could happen." She didn't mean to sound so pleading, but the anguish in his eyes made her realize just how she had hurt him by keeping secrets from him. "Oh, Gawain, please don't think badly of Bull, he really meant no harm and he's always thought that people are basically good. I just wish Derek would stay away and never come around again. I don't want you to feel that there is a constant threat of danger regarding him. I really meant to tell you when we arrived at the fort, but, when everything settled into such a pleasant way, I just forgot all about it, that's all."

As Gawain watched her face he realized that she was telling him the truth. She might have kept it from him at first, but she had not done so purposely since then. He released the towel and reached out to pull her into his lap. "Sarah, I just don't want any surprises coming from him. I love you and I couldn't bear it if anything happened because I was unprepared. Promise that you will tell me everything from now on." He felt her head move slowly up and down on his chest as she sniffed and a smile replaced the frown he'd kept since arriving in their room. Taking her shoulders, he pushed her back and looked into her eyes. "And I don't have any bad feelings toward Bull, I know he didn't mean to cause trouble. Now, dry your eyes," he teased gently, "and tell me how you came to find out about Derek being with the caravan."

She quickly wiped at her eyes with her hands and began telling him what Bull had told her weeks before. She finished with, "So, you see, he saw how much we loved each other and couldn't stand it. That's why he left and it's highly unlikely that we'll ever see him again." The hopeful look made him hesitate to tell her what he truly believed, but he would tell her, hadn't he just made her promise to tell him? "You might be right, but it's more likely that he's off somewhere trying to come up with a plan for revenge. He's not a man that's capable of rational thoughts right now. If he ever was. So, from now on when you walk to the village I want you to take someone with you. Either me or one of the other knights or even Bull. I know he thinks highly of you and won't let anything happen to you. Promise you won't go off alone again?"

She waited for a moment before answering, "I promise, but can't you see that by doing so we've let him win another battle? Now I am no longer free to do as I please. I might as well be locked up somewhere and I hate to let him do this to me."

Gawain felt physical pain at the dejected way she sounded, but he would rather see her sad at being sheltered so as to risk having something happen because he let her have her way. "I'm sorry you think so, but maybe it won't be for too long. Eventually, someone will come to the wall that has heard some news and we'll know whether or not he's anywhere near here." She slowly nodded and he wrapped his arms around her, gently kissing her lips. "Shall we stay in our room for the rest of the day?" His breath was warm and the memory of how he made her feel caused her cheeks to blush as she seriously considered his question. A soft knock on the door took their attention away from each other and Gawain quietly swore, "Damn, I guess not," before he released her to open the door to reveal an embarrassed Bull standing there holding his hat in his hand.

"Everything's fine, Bull. Come in." Gawain greeted the man. Bull looked from Gawain to Sarah and back before speaking, "I just wanted to say that you shouldn't be mad at Miss Sarah. It ain't her fault at all." When he had first arrived, Sarah had noticed how he hunched over trying to look smaller like he had when he was younger, but as he spoke, he had straightened up to his full height. She smiled, "Bull, Gawain's not angry with me anymore. I explained everything to him and I promised not to keep secrets anymore." Then with a little of her old stubbornness coming through, she added, "At least not any secrets that could come back to haunt me later." She noticed that Gawain had not missed the last and she laughed at his expression of doubt. "Come on, you two, let's go join the others at the tavern. You know they're all sitting around placing bets on who's going to win this argument and I don't want them to be left to wonder for too long or they'll be worried that my punishment is too harsh."

She looped her arms through each man's arm and headed toward the door. She stopped when she felt Bull pulling her backward when he stopped. "Miss Sarah, I just want to say that Gawain here is right. It ain't safe for you to go around thinking that Derek has gone off and will never come back to bother you. He's not right now, you know, in the head, so you just be careful. If you ever need me to go somewhere with you all you have to do is ask." Sarah pulled her arm from Gawain's and took both Bull's hands in hers. "I know, Bull, and I appreciate your offer. And don't worry, I won't let him catch me by surprise. From now on, I'll make sure one of you goes with me if I leave the fortress for any reason. Now, come on, we're keeping the others waiting and I'll wager that Bors is trying to talk one of them into coming up here to check on us."

Gawain laughed out loud and teased, "Then maybe you should stay here and I'll tell them I locked you in our room until you can behave yourself." He placed his arm around her shoulders as he spoke and she looked up at him as she answered his tease, "You and what army?" They both laughed as Bull answered seriously, "I'll help if you think it's needed." Sarah had never felt so safe in her life than she did at that moment. A woman was lucky to have two such men to make sure nothing happened to her and she knew she wouldn't have it any other way.

When they walked into the tavern Bors held up his drink and shouted, "See, I told you she'd talk her way out of it! Now, pay up, all of you." Sarah saw Galahad and Lancelot hand over some coins as Dagonet was digging in his pocket. Only Tristan made no move to pay their friend. "Tristan, didn't you place a wager?" she asked as they stepped up to the table. But before the man could answer, Lancelot spoke up, "He wouldn't, said he only bets on a sure thing."

Sarah's curiosity was peaked, "You didn't think I could make Gawain see that he was being unreasonable?" She didn't think he was going to answer, it took him so long, then, pulling out a chair and sitting down, he said, "I didn't think he was unreasonable at all and I would not have let you off so easy."

His answer caught her by surprise. She had never thought him to be possessive. "But you see, he didn't let me off easy. I now have to have an escort any time I leave the fortress, which means I am basically a prisoner while a madman gets free reign to roam anywhere he wishes." She watched Tristan nod his agreement to the arrangement and suddenly felt angry. She had meant it as a joke, or so she thought until she saw that all the men at the table were nodding. Suddenly her anger became so strong she just couldn't sit there any longer and she stood up, making the chair fall over backwards with a loud thud. The noise drew the attention of everyone in the room and she looked around the open air bar once before shouting, "Am I the only one who thinks it's ridiculous to think the man would chance coming here?"

When no one answered her question, she let out a deep sigh, "Well, you'll see. He's off somewhere as far from here as he can get and I'm being treated like a child for no reason at all." She waited for someone to say something, and when they didn't she finished with sarcasm in her voice. "Since I can't be treated as a woman instead of a child, I think I'll go to bed like a good little girl. Enjoy your evening." Then she turned and stalked off toward her room. If her anger had allowed her to think rationally, she would have realized that she was behaving exactly like a child, instead she was fuming when she passed Arthur coming in as she stormed away. She didn't notice the look on his face or she might have slowed down and thought about her actions or reactions to the events of the day.

Arthur watched Sarah as she walked away. By the way she carried herself, he knew she was angry, but he couldn't figure out what had made her so. He turned toward the table where his men sat, and saw Lancelot grab Gawain's arm to stop him as he started to get up. Whatever had happened had everyone sitting quietly and judging by the looks on their faces it must be serious. He slowly made his way over, deciding it would do no good to ignore the tension in the air.

"So, who has upset Sarah and about what?" he questioned the group. Lancelot handed him a cup of ale and began telling him of the events of the afternoon. When he finished, Arthur looked at Gawain, "So you really think he's likely to show up here after what he tried to do to us?" When Gawain nodded gravely, Arthur looked at the others, seeing each of them nod in turn. "Well, then, maybe we should come up with a plan that will prevent such an occurrence while still giving Sarah some freedom." He sat down beside Gawain and waited for someone to speak up. Bors, always the first to come up with a suggestion, said, "Maybe we should just hunt 'im down and kill 'im. That would solve everything." He saw the others seriously contemplating the suggestion and felt compelled to point out holes in the plan.

"Yes, Bors, that would solve the problem. But where do you suggest we start? And while we're away, hunting him down, who will be here to ensure he doesn't show up to cause trouble?" He looked around at his men and saw that as eager as they had been to agree with Bors, they didn't like the thought of leaving the fort with only Roman soldiers and villagers to protect all they had fought so hard to maintain. "Now, let's see if we can come up with a better plan between us." He was about to make a suggestion when Gawain spoke softly, "You think I was wrong to make her promise not to go out on her on?"

Arthur felt sorry for his friend, but he had to be truthful, he always had and he always would. "Yes, but your reasons were not wrong. How long do you think it would take for her to start resenting all of us for making her feel so closed in? Judging by the way she's reacted before, not long. Then what would you do? No, you can't let her be a prisoner in her own home just to keep her safe." He waited a moment for his reasoning to sink in. Then he continued, "But, you can teach her how to protect herself. Teach her how to use a sword and Tristan, you can teach her how to shoot a bow. If the man comes around he won't be expecting her to be able to do any of those things and that will be to her advantage."

Galahad quickly took up where Arthur left off, "Yes, I've seen her when she gets angry, I think she would do well enough to at least get away and find someone to help her."

Only Tristan kept his thoughts to himself. He agreed with Arthur, everyone should know how to fight, Sarmatian women had always been capable of taking care of themselves. But Sarah wasn't Sarmatian and as tough as she tried to appear, he was sure she would not be able to do what she must should the time come. She said she thought Derek was a madman, but he thought she secretly harbored hope that he would still be the man she had thought him to be before. That would be her undoing, for he would take advantage of her doubt and gain the upper hand in a fight. He watched the doubts cross Gawain's face and hoped he would still ensure she wasn't alone when she left the fort. He decided that later he would talk to him and plant the idea of having Vanora watch Sarah when they had to be away. She could send someone with her, discreetly, and Sarah would never have to know that she was being watched over. Even another woman would make it difficult should he wish to take her away by force. Surely one of them could escape and be able to tell which way to go should he succeed in his plan. And no matter what she said, Tristan believed Derek had a plan.


	41. Those Wiley Women!

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. (Sigh)

Sarah had begun to calm down by the time she walked into the room she shared with her husband. She closed the door with a sigh and slowly stepped over to the bed and sat down dejectedly. Why did Derek still have any control over her and her life? It was bad enough that she had been so blind before, not seeing what kind of man he truly was, but now that she knew what he had done, all she wished was to forget he ever existed and never have to deal with him again. Why did Gawain let any thoughts of the man completely change his normally calm demeanor? These thoughts were buzzing around so fast in her head that she began to feel dizzy from trying to make sense of them. In frustration, she stood up and began to tidy the already tidy room.

After several minutes of picking something up only to put it right back down where it belonged, she stopped and looked around. A nagging thought had been just out of reach and she knew it would help solve the problem of how to deal with the threat of Derek showing up, but she couldn't grasp it in the jumble of her thoughts. Maybe a bath would soothe her enough so that she could figure out what it was. She quickly gathered her robe, towel and soaps and headed for the bath house. If nothing else, maybe a long soak would help her to go to sleep before Gawain came home later. She was tired of arguing with him about something neither of them had any control over. Derek would do whatever he wished and she was not going to try to second guess a madman. Just as she was not going to let him dictate her life from afar.

The bath house was deserted when she arrived a few moments later, so she took her time getting undressed and settling herself in the almost too hot water. She immediately began scrubbing with the square piece of material she used to bathe, causing her normally pale complexion to turn red from the roughness of her treatment. She stopped after a moment to stare at the spot that was now stinging. She had been so occupied with her thoughts that she hadn't realized just how hard she had been rubbing and saw that the skin had little red raised patches that would bleed if she kept up. "Damn it, this is getting out of hand." She flung the cloth into the water and dunked her head, trying to clear her thoughts. She raised her head from the water a few moments later, calmer and more resolved. She would go back to the tavern and talk to Gawain. All she needed to do was learn how to defend herself and he could stop worrying about her every moment she was out of his sight. She hated bloodshed, but in reality, she did need to know how to fight in case it became necessary. Just because she knew how, didn't mean she would ever have to do it.

She quickly got out of the water and wrapped her robe around her still wet body. Gathering her toiletries, she headed back to her room to dress. Surely Gawain would see that she was right and agree to help her. But, if he didn't, she would find someone who would. She went through the list of knights in her head, mentally dismissing some as unlikely to help if Gawain disagreed. Galahad, for one would do nothing to go against what Gawain wanted. Tristan was unlikely as well, since he would not wish to be involved in their quarrel should Gawain find out. Bors didn't have time to teach her with all his children running about. Besides, she didn't think she could fight using his style of brute force. Dagonet might help, but she would have to play on his sense of fairness which might put him in a bad spot with keeping secrets from her husband. That left Lancelot. Yes, he would do it and think it quite a nice game keeping it a secret from Gawain. But she would have to make him understand that just because she wished to learn how to fight without her husband knowing, didn't mean she would be willing to do anything else behind his back. Although, she really thought that most of his talk was just that… talk. It was highly unlikely that he would ever try to woo one of his brother's wives, but with men you never knew. Having made up her mind, she quickened her pace and made it back to her room. She felt better now that she had a plan.

She stepped into the tavern and looked toward the table where Gawain and the others were sitting. When she saw Gawain sitting there solemnly with his head over a mug of ale, she felt a pang of guilt, knowing she was the cause of his sadness. Here was a man who usually kept everyone else laughing and talking, sitting dejectedly over his drink while the others were deep into their revelry. All because she refused to listen to his fears concerning the woman he loved. She momentarily forgot her anger from before and her recent plan as she made her way to his side. He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't know she was there until she wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind.

"I'm sorry." Was all she said as he looked around over his shoulder. He immediately pulled her into his lap and held her close. "As am I." He whispered into her hair. They sat quietly for a moment, just enjoying the closeness, then she raised her head from his chest and took his head between her hands. "I know that you feel you are doing what is best and I appreciate that you care enough to want to keep me safe. But, in reality, no one can keep me safe but myself." She waited for him to think about what she had said, then continued, "I wish to learn how to use a sword or knife, so that I may protect myself when you are not with me. I don't want to have to rely on someone else to do what I should do for myself. Will you teach me?"

She saw him take a deep breath, then he pulled his arms from around her waist and pulled her hands from his face. He enclosed her smaller hands in his, rubbing his thumb across her knuckles, never taking his eyes from hers. "I don't wish for you to ever have to bloody your hands on scum that would attack a woman. That is my duty as your husband and it pains me to know that there will be times when I cannot be here to do as I should. But, since my duty to the Romans must continue for a while yet, then the next best thing would be to ensure that you can look after yourself in my absence. Yes, I will teach you what I can, and what I cannot teach you one of the others will."

He saw the light return to her eyes at his word and felt guilty that he wasn't telling her that he didn't agree with what he'd said. Well, not completely anyway. He had been sitting there thinking about what Arthur had said earlier, trying to figure out just what it was that he didn't agree with. He knew that women could be formidable warriors, the Woads proved as much, but he just didn't feel that it would be enough this time. There was something about the plan Arthur had suggested that worried him and he didn't know what it was. Finally, he decided it must just be his pride standing in the way of his understanding. It was a blow to his pride that he would not always be near to keep his wife out of harms way and because of his upbringing, it made him feel somehow less than what he would like himself to be. What he should be. So, here he was, vowing to do something that he wasn't sure was what he wanted and she looked so grateful that he felt even worse. Gods, love wasn't supposed to be this hard, was it?

His thoughts were interrupted when she leaned closer and gently kissed him and he got a whiff of her hair. She smelled of rose petals and lavender and he closed his eyes at the soothing smell as a moan involuntarily came from his throat at the thoughts that had replaced the ones of before. He felt her shift on his lap and opened his eyes as she leaned next to his ear. "A bath can cure many ills, my husband, and can lead to other things that will cure the ones it cannot.." Her voice was soft and husky and her breath felt warm against the skin of his neck. Never before had he wanted a woman as he did this one at this moment. Maybe Bors hadn't been exaggerating all those times he spoke of making up with Vanora after a fight being the best times he'd ever had.

"Then, maybe I should bathe as well for I don't think my smell can be nearly as healing as yours, my wife. Will you tend me as I bathe?" He whispered back. "With the right words, I might be persuaded to take another bath myself." She teased as she let her fingers run gently up the back of his neck. "Perhaps actions will speak louder than words." He growled as he stood up with her in his arms. She could not hold back the giggle that escaped her lips and saw him smile as they headed away from the table. She almost giggled again at the looks on the others' faces when they realized that not only had she joined them again, but that before they had realized it, Gawain was taking her away in a bit of a hurry.

"Uh Oh," mused Bors, "he's in for it now."

"What do you mean?" questioned Galahad, innocently.

"Think about it, boy." Shot Lancelot between his nibbling on the latest wench's ear.

"I still don't get it." He said defensively.

"Let me explain it to you, pup." Bors teased. "The had a disagreement…" "and she stormed off mad as hell…" piped in Lancelot. "He sits here moping around, worrying that he upset her…" added Dagonet, "Then she comes back all lovey dovey…" continued Bors, "and now they've gone off to make up." Finished Lancelot in a tone that said he should understand now.

"I saw all of that, I'm not blind you know! But why did you say he's 'in for it'. In for what?" he whined to everyone.

"Here, boy, let me explain it so you'll understand it. While they're off making up, she'll get Gawain to agree to whatever she asks. Then tomorrow, she'll be as proud as a peahen that she has her way and he'll still be trying to figure out how she got him to agree in the first place. It's known as a 'woman's wiles'", Bors finished.

"You mean she was just acting and she means to trick him?" Galahad asked incredulously.

"No, no, not pretending. It's just that women use their, um, abilities, to get their way with men." Dagonet tried to explain.

"I don't think Sarah is that kind of woman. She's honest…" began Galahad only to be interrupted by Lancelot as he pushed the wench from his lap. "It's not a matter of being honest or dishonest. Men want women in their beds at night and knowing this women use it to get their way with men. It's been like this since the beginning of time." He ended as if they were discussing why it rains in Britain.

Galahad still sat there with a confused expression on his face as Vanora walked up to the table. "Galahad, don't you listen to this nonsense these men are fillin' your ears with! They're just jealous that Gawain found what they can't, that's all." She gave Bors a scathing look as she picked up their empty mugs, walking around the table behind him. As she walked behind him toward the bar she 'accidentally' hit him in the back of the head with the ones she was carrying in her right hand.

"Ow! What'ya do that for?" he complained, rubbing his head. "Sorry, Love. Didn't see ya there." Was the sarcastic reply as she walked away. "Uh Oh." He mumbled as he watched her walk away.

"I guess you're going to tell me that now you're 'in for it'." Galahad shot at Bors. Lancelot was laughing so hard it took him a moment to say anything, "Yeah, Bors, tell him all about how speaking without looking around can get you 'in for it'." Bors looked at Lancelot, then back toward the bar where Vanora was standing, then back toward Lancelot with his mouth hanging open. Finally, he closed his mouth and reached for his mug.

"Naw, she just didn't see me, ain't that right Dag?" He said dismissively. "I don't know Bors. You're kind of hard to miss. Maybe you should go over there and try to smooth things over a bit." Dag teased his friend. They all knew that when Vanora said jump, Bors didn't hesitate. As gruff as the old man tried to be, with his lover he was meek as a kitten and none of them thought less of him for being so. Vanora was a good woman and they all admired her a great deal. But it was such fun to tease him when he let his mouth get him into trouble.

"Maybe I should," he started, then looking at Galahad, he added, "she's got some explaining to do if she hit me on purpose." He grabbed his mug and headed for the bar with Galahad watching his every move.

Lancelot poked Galahad on the arm as he said, "Now watch. First he's going to act gruff and angry that she hit him, then she's going to lay into him about talking about women in such a disrespectful way, now he's explaining that he didn't mean anything by what he said and start trying to sweet talk his way back into her good graces…" As Lancelot described the scene playing out across the room, Galahad watched in amazement as it happened just as he predicted. Finally, he shook his head, "Stop. I don't want to hear any more. You all talk like women have some kind of magical power they use on men and frankly it is beginning to scare me. What if they don't remove the spell when a man doesn't want to be with them anymore? What can a man do then?"

Lancelot was looking toward Tristan and taking a drink when Galahad spoke and the look on Tristan's face almost made him spit his ale across the table. It was the closest thing to a smile he'd seen on the man's face in a long time. Before he could answer, though, Tristan spoke up, his face back to the solemn mask he always wore, "Women. A man's better off just staying as far away from them as he can get. That's the only way to be safe from their wiles." After finishing his 'speech', he stood up and headed from the tavern. Lancelot watched him go and decided to use his parting remark to get a little deeper into Galahad's young head.

"It's sad really, what a woman did to him. That's why he enjoys killing so much, because of a woman." He pretended to shake his head and look into his mug as if he was contemplating something from the past. All the while, waiting for Galahad to take the bait. Which he did, of course, giving Lancelot many ideas as to how he could keep this entertainment going for a long time. Someone was always having troubles with their love affairs and he'd be certain to point out the 'signs' of men under a woman's spell. Before this was over with, Galahad would be almost at the point of running any time a woman looked his way.

A cough from Dagonet brought his attention back to the present and he looked up to see Bors standing at the end of the table, looking very uncomfortable. Vanora was standing just behind him and Lancelot could tell she was prodding him from behind to do something he didn't want to do. After about the third time she had poked him, he looked at Galahad and said, "Forget all that stuff we was saying earlier. Ain't none of it true. We were just pickin' on you, that's all." He stopped talking and looked around the table. "Now come on men, tell him the truth or…" he hesitated and when Vanora poked him again he rushed on to finish, "or Vanora said she would cut us all off. No ale for a week!" Vanora nodded her head in agreement with what Bors said and Lancelot saw the look of terror on the man's face. He really believed that she would deny them something to drink if they came in asking for it if they all didn't confess to picking on Galahad. Well, maybe she would at that, so he turned to the younger man and said, "True, it was a little jest, but I must say you fell for it without much prodding from any of us."

Galahad looked around the table and then at Vanora. When he saw the sympathy in her eyes he knew he had been had. He hung his head and slowly shook it. "Am I really that easy to lead?" he asked no one in particular. Dagonet spoke quietly, "I'm afraid you are, boy. But don't worry, we were all that way once, so hang on to it as long as you can. Things are much nicer when you don't know so much and are surprised by the events of the day." Galahad looked thankfully at Dag and gave a little laugh, leave it to Dag to lighten the mood. Satisfied, Vanora left the table and Bors sat down with a thump. "That was close. Just thinkin' about no drink for a week almost was my undoin'." Everyone then turned the laughter on their older friend and it all started up again.

Vanora watched as Bors was on the receiving end this time. She smiled and shook her head. That was the way of these men. Their way of releasing the energy that built up between missions. Their way of being close without showing emotion. Their way of… just being themselves without having to prove anything to everyone around them. And she loved them for it. Every one of them.


End file.
